Healing When You're Hurting

So look, I've been recovering from an appendectomy. I need y'all to understand this. Something I never thought would impact me was bothering me so much, I had to have it removed immediately and spent a significant amount of time healing from it.  If you have been reading over the last month or so, you will know that this is a micro of the macro that has been my life recently. 

Here's what had happened: Friday, I thought I had gas. Saturday, I went to a football game, had a fish plate, attended an after party, party hopped with my sorors,  and went to dinner with a friend... with gas and a small pain in my side. Sunday, I woke up with a sharper pain and realized my high pain tolerance may have caused me to miss an important message my body was giving me. I posted about it on FB because that's just who I am as a person. Then, I commenced to tidying up my house and deciding my next course of action. The pain got my attention and my BFF came to my rescue. He took me to urgent care and they sent me to the emergency room after finding an issue with my bloodwork. I had only ONE symptom of appendicitis, so I wasn't certain what was causing the white blood count issue. After hours in the emergency waiting room, I finally get sent to the back. The emergency nurse was soooooooo annoying. She told me I should have come to the ER instead of going to urgent care. First of all, I thought it was bad gas, lady! I  just turned my head and closed my eyes because I felt that ringing in my ears that I get when I'm ready to blackout and curse someone out. My BFF came to the rescue (again) and gave her a half-hearted, "Ok, thanks." Then, as she is jamming a needle into my tiny veins for a 3rd time she sees me flinching and tearing up and asks me "What's wrong, you don't like IVs?" Y'ALL! I wanted to say, "Of course I do! Who doesn't!?!?" Instead, I closed my eyes and looked away, again. Who asks something like that? I know I said I have a high tolerance for pain, but something about the smooth insides of my precious forearms and my delicate, little veins meeting a long sharp needle that hurts more than almost anything. Mind you, this was the third try.

So long story short, I go to get the CT scan and it's appendicitis! I have surgery at 11 PM on Sunday and don't see my house again until 11 days later. In spite of bruising, infiltrated IVs causing me Popeye arm, and bad reactions to pain medications, I had an overall good experience in the hospital. My nurses and doc outside of the Emergency department were great. My people showed up for me in the best of ways. I got through it and 2 weeks later, I'm back at work a little sore, but much better.

The healing process was troubling because I do not like to ask for help. But what I learned is that when you are hurting and you let the right people know, they will show up for you in the ways you request. They asked me what I needed, I stated it and my friends provided. Some going above and beyond what I even asked of them. 

The lesson here is this: My body was telling me I was hurting, I ignored it until it was undeniable because I ain't no sucka, I'm tough, I'm resilient, I'm a soldier, I'm stubborn! This led to unexpected extraction of something that was of no use to me, but causing me pain nonetheless. In the process of healing from this, my friends reached out and I told them what I needed. They provided in the form of gifts, food, necessities and sometimes just company. I made my needs known, I got more than I even thought I needed and it made the healing much easier. I was forced to chill out and be outside of my comfort zone. Days later, I'm back to my routine still a little sore but definitely no longer in pain. 

So ask yourself: What is my body telling me? What do I need to have examined and extracted? Who can I call on to help me heal? Am I willing to rest and heal as long as it takes? 

Take care of yourself, stay in tune, call on your people, take your time healing!

Words from my problematic boo, John Mayer.

All You Gotta Do is Say "YES!"

No matter what you may believe in: one God, many Gods, the universe as one being, WHATEVER... this blog is for YOU!

Source: http://www.miraclesarebrewing.com/

First, a little background... I woke up one night many years ago and remembered my childhood dream of being a Child Psychologist. I know, I was always a strange child. I had let other people's opinions and my self-sabotage talk me out of pursuing psychology in undergrad. I spent and am still spending my years after working in communications in some form or fashion. But that day I decided to get me some other education. I got my M.A. in Forensic Psychology in 2007. But by the time I was finished the program and started applying for jobs it was apparent I would have to take a pay cut! No thank you. I knew that I had decided to go after this degree for a reason, so I just waited for the opportunity to present itself.

Fast forward to this summer, I am in the midst of pursuing a degree in Mental Health Counseling in order to become a Licensed Professional Counselor and I have been doing pretty well in school (ok VERY VERY well, but I digress). I was invited to join the honor society and I thought that would be the end of my participation in the honor society because I'm busy! I received a sketchy email, with very few details about the opportunity to travel with the honor society overseas. But I just didn't understand the logistics. So after initially saying yes, I did no follow up and chalked it up as a loss. Some 6 weeks or so later, the faculty advisor for the honor society contacts me again and asks if I would like to attend a conference in Italy. I called a few people some of whom told me no because essentially I would be travelling alone. I prayed on it. I asked some questions to the advisor and I prayed on it some more. Checked flights form this area and was like OH NOOOOOOOOOOOOO "DIS TEW MUCH"!

Then after a weekend of conflict in every sense of the word, I got the ok from "the universe": my boss said he didn't mind me leaving at the end of the fiscal year as long as I got my work done, my close friend randomly called and told me to check flights out of NYC.  Lo and behold, flights were $300 cheaper. So, I said "yes".

I called the advisor out of the blue and the more she explains to me about the trip, the more sure I am that this is what I was supposed to do. She mentioned that the person whose name is on the apartment rental would not be in Italy until later that night so she encouraged me to try to get a long layover somewhere. When I booked my flight I had to decide between Brussels and Zurich. The fat girl in me chose Brussels (waffles, beer, chocolate & steak frites!!) and I accepted the adventure to come. A week later, I receive an email from the professor asking me if I wanted to help present at the conference. ME? the government worker from DC with no counseling experience? the daughter of a single mother who was the first person in her family to graduate college? ME? What do I know? What can I share? Who am I to get up and speak to anyone on anything important? I am the person that is being asked to get up and speak to someone about something. So without hesitation, but MUCH trepidation in my spirit, I said "yes" again.

I go to the website yesterday and see my name and face as well as my "credentials" on the website for this international conference that is less than 2 weeks away. I realized that all I did was say "yes" & everything else fell into place. As I type this, I am fighting back tears because never in my wildest dreams did I imagine presenting on an international platform. I simply wanted to help the children in my area, but God has shown me bigger and better. And all I had to do was say "yes"!

I am learning to trust this process more and more each day! And I encourage you to do the same. The fear and anxiety may not ever go away, but get the hesitation out of your spirit and say "yes". Take that leap of faith & grab on to those opportunities presented to you. You never know where they will lead!

AMEN! 

NAMASTE! 

MAKE IT SO!

Speak Life

What do you say to yourself in the mirror in the morning? "You look like crap!" "You need to pull it together."  What do you say to yourself as you are getting dressed? What do you say to your friends when they ask you how are you?What are you speaking over yourself? Whether in jest or in truth... What do you say?

I am NOT a rainbows and unicorns person, but I believe in positive energy regardless of spiritual or religious affiliation. When you feed into negativity you breed more of the same. When you speak ill over your life illness will manifest. Today, for some reason, negativity is cropping up in my mind and while my heart is saying it knows better, my mind is racing with all manner of thoughts that center on the negative. I just had life spoken into my situation by a friend that is so over me for today! But she still found it in her to speak life and not help or allow me to dwell on the downside.

Which brings me to what are your friends saying to you? When you talk about your current love interest or your ex how do they respond? Those around you may be speaking death if you are not careful. Jokes are fine, but at the core, what is there? Who are you allowing to speak to your situation? Negative Nancies and Bitter Bernards? or do you have a network of people who know how to be real, honest AND positive. The truth doesn't have to be covered in sugar OR sh*t (pardon my language). It can be done tactfully. If you ain't got that... How can you expect fruit?  Proverbs 18:21 says- "Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof." I'll take the life fruit please & thanks!