Changing Faces or Facing Changes

Life is going to move on around us whether we want it to or not. How you deal with it makes all the difference. Will you merely survive the change or will you thrive because of it?

I have gone through a few changes in the last year and I count them all joy! They were necessary to create in me a spirit of  "Yes, I can!" Some of these things I never imagined having to deal with and others were welcomed breaks from my norm. But all of them were a lesson.

The James Baldwin quote above has stuck with me for years. It used to be my email signature back in the hotmail days! But it is more relevant now than ever because I have come to realize that I have been changing faces for years! Not always, but often. 

If you are being put in a position to do something that you already know goes against who you are at your core, but you do it anyway because it will make things easier, then you're changing faces.

If you are in a "relationship" where your needs are evolving and the other person is satisfied with the way things are, but you refuse to settle for their love anymore so you walk away, then you are facing changes.

If you are being led in your spirit to take on a task you do not think you are capable of and you put the task off until you  think it is the right time, then you are changing faces.

If you know you have a testimony with details that may cause people to look at you funny but you know that it will set someone else free so you share it anyway, then you are facing changes.

If you force yourself to laugh in situations where you want to cry... changing faces.

If you let the tears flow in situations where you would force yourself to laugh... facing changes.

Embrace change, it is inevitable. But you don't have to move in the same direction. Changing faces is often a put-on. Changing faces is often a front and the inauthenticity of it will start to wear on you so quickly! Changing faces often won't let your spirit rest easy. Changing faces often feels like worry, regret, and a need to prove to everyone else  that we are ok. Changing faces is often reactive. It's a compromise of values because the group says so. It's a way to survive.

Facing change may mean you need to change direction from your peoples. Facing change may mean you need to have that conversation you have been dreading. Facing change may mean you need to seek a new path. Facing change is proactive. It's making a move before the tide sweeps you away. It's a connection to your spirit that you trust to move you in the best direction. It's a means of THRIVING and not merely surviving. 

Ask yourself are you changing faces or facing changes? Are you thriving or surviving?

Healing When You're Hurting

So look, I've been recovering from an appendectomy. I need y'all to understand this. Something I never thought would impact me was bothering me so much, I had to have it removed immediately and spent a significant amount of time healing from it.  If you have been reading over the last month or so, you will know that this is a micro of the macro that has been my life recently. 

Here's what had happened: Friday, I thought I had gas. Saturday, I went to a football game, had a fish plate, attended an after party, party hopped with my sorors,  and went to dinner with a friend... with gas and a small pain in my side. Sunday, I woke up with a sharper pain and realized my high pain tolerance may have caused me to miss an important message my body was giving me. I posted about it on FB because that's just who I am as a person. Then, I commenced to tidying up my house and deciding my next course of action. The pain got my attention and my BFF came to my rescue. He took me to urgent care and they sent me to the emergency room after finding an issue with my bloodwork. I had only ONE symptom of appendicitis, so I wasn't certain what was causing the white blood count issue. After hours in the emergency waiting room, I finally get sent to the back. The emergency nurse was soooooooo annoying. She told me I should have come to the ER instead of going to urgent care. First of all, I thought it was bad gas, lady! I  just turned my head and closed my eyes because I felt that ringing in my ears that I get when I'm ready to blackout and curse someone out. My BFF came to the rescue (again) and gave her a half-hearted, "Ok, thanks." Then, as she is jamming a needle into my tiny veins for a 3rd time she sees me flinching and tearing up and asks me "What's wrong, you don't like IVs?" Y'ALL! I wanted to say, "Of course I do! Who doesn't!?!?" Instead, I closed my eyes and looked away, again. Who asks something like that? I know I said I have a high tolerance for pain, but something about the smooth insides of my precious forearms and my delicate, little veins meeting a long sharp needle that hurts more than almost anything. Mind you, this was the third try.

So long story short, I go to get the CT scan and it's appendicitis! I have surgery at 11 PM on Sunday and don't see my house again until 11 days later. In spite of bruising, infiltrated IVs causing me Popeye arm, and bad reactions to pain medications, I had an overall good experience in the hospital. My nurses and doc outside of the Emergency department were great. My people showed up for me in the best of ways. I got through it and 2 weeks later, I'm back at work a little sore, but much better.

The healing process was troubling because I do not like to ask for help. But what I learned is that when you are hurting and you let the right people know, they will show up for you in the ways you request. They asked me what I needed, I stated it and my friends provided. Some going above and beyond what I even asked of them. 

The lesson here is this: My body was telling me I was hurting, I ignored it until it was undeniable because I ain't no sucka, I'm tough, I'm resilient, I'm a soldier, I'm stubborn! This led to unexpected extraction of something that was of no use to me, but causing me pain nonetheless. In the process of healing from this, my friends reached out and I told them what I needed. They provided in the form of gifts, food, necessities and sometimes just company. I made my needs known, I got more than I even thought I needed and it made the healing much easier. I was forced to chill out and be outside of my comfort zone. Days later, I'm back to my routine still a little sore but definitely no longer in pain. 

So ask yourself: What is my body telling me? What do I need to have examined and extracted? Who can I call on to help me heal? Am I willing to rest and heal as long as it takes? 

Take care of yourself, stay in tune, call on your people, take your time healing!

Words from my problematic boo, John Mayer.

Are You Walking in Your Gifting?

I received a call today from someone I respect and admire spiritually, so when they told me that God had placed something on their heart to say to me I LISTENED! Basically they asked me if I was walking in my gifting. I had NO answer and that bothered me.

Not to brag, but I'm pretty good at quite a few things. So which ONE is my gift? I have dabbled in a few things but nothing seemed to STICK. So here I am, wondering what am I supposed to stick with in order to be able to truly say I am walking in my gifting? There's no online quiz that you can take (maybe there is but would you trust it?) that can help you determine what GOD has called you to do.
You have to hear it from Him.

I have too many things crowding out His voice. So it is time to seriously step away from some things and some people. As I am typing this, I have tears in my eyes because, until today, I thought I was going to be able to keep certain things and still prosper. But so much of what I have been dealing with lately- the good and the bad- has been temporary fixes and issues for things that require more than just a Band-Aid. I have to stop rationalizing with myself and realize I may need stitches or even surgery. It will not be an easy journey. It is one I have taken time and again.

Sometimes I hold myself to a high standard in some areas and not in others. I don't know where that came from, but I am going to keep down this path because this blog is for you and for me. I want what I want but I also want to have the moral high ground. Sometimes these things do NOT match up and I convince myself that it is okay. But it is not okay. I say I am not perfect so making mistakes is okay, and it is. But being willfully ignorant, oblivious, and wrong is not. I always say things are not always black and white. There are not only gray areas, but also COLORS.... MILLIONS of colors! And it is in the choosing of those colors that you determine how your life will be viewed. Cool tones, warm tones, grayscale? I feel like I have not been choosing the best colors lately. But luckily, I still have a little time to paint it over. I have time to draw a different path. I have time to upgrade my standards in ALL areas. I have time to proceed in my gifting. But only if I start TODAY & trust the process.

When I was looking for an image to go with this blog, I came across another blog that was over a year old but spoke to this same thing. This blog says that when you are walking in your gift it will just flow... and right now few things are flowing for me which can only mean one thing: Something is clogging it up! Time for me to do some unclogging and uncluttering to get this flow going and hear from God.

Planes, Trains & Automobiles (Part 1: Belgium)

So almost 3 weeks ago, I embarked on a solo journey to Europe to attend a conference. To some people that may not be a big deal, but for me it was an amazing experience that opened my eyes, mind, heart and spirit to the possibility of journeying forth alone. I met up with some professors once I got there, but navigating my way there was just me, my backpack & my nylon purse. I took almost every mode of transportation available and took in every second of it!

My journey began on October 23rd. I departed DC via a $3.25 bus ticket to New York. I arrived in NYC around lunchtime & surprised my friend at work. I was not aware the affect my presence would have on her but that is her story to tell... We chatted for awhile about my trip and she wished me well. I took the train to JFK Airport where I embarked upon an 8 hour plane ride to Brussels, Belgium.

I was between France & Netherlands! photo from: http://www.operationworld.org/

Brussels Air is a fantastic airline if you are average height! The headrest was NOT for me. Luckily I had a window seat, so I spent most of my time with my head IN the window. Each seat had a tablet on the back and you had movies, shows, music & games from which to choose. I watched several movies but most notably, The Devil Wears Prada both on the way there & home because... why not? They fed us a snack and a meal and another snack... I don't even eat that often at home! I landed in Brussels and had NO idea what to expect. I sat by baggage claim trying to connect to the wi-fi and tell my mom 6 time zones away that I was in Brussels and not kidnapped. (That was her BIG worry).

I traveled by taxi to Grand Place in the early hours of the morning and wandered the streets for a few hours. Here are some pics...

Belgium is home to tons of cartoonists and famous cartoons including THE SMURFS.

. They even have a museum called the Museum of Original Figures...

ANd of course you know I ate GOOOOD! 

BELGIAN WAFFLES!

STEAK FRITES!

MACAROOOOONS!

And I had a cherry lambic that was EVERYTHING! I hopped the train after about 5 hours in Belgium & was off to Milano.... 

(To be continuuuuuued...)

All You Gotta Do is Say "YES!"

No matter what you may believe in: one God, many Gods, the universe as one being, WHATEVER... this blog is for YOU!

Source: http://www.miraclesarebrewing.com/

First, a little background... I woke up one night many years ago and remembered my childhood dream of being a Child Psychologist. I know, I was always a strange child. I had let other people's opinions and my self-sabotage talk me out of pursuing psychology in undergrad. I spent and am still spending my years after working in communications in some form or fashion. But that day I decided to get me some other education. I got my M.A. in Forensic Psychology in 2007. But by the time I was finished the program and started applying for jobs it was apparent I would have to take a pay cut! No thank you. I knew that I had decided to go after this degree for a reason, so I just waited for the opportunity to present itself.

Fast forward to this summer, I am in the midst of pursuing a degree in Mental Health Counseling in order to become a Licensed Professional Counselor and I have been doing pretty well in school (ok VERY VERY well, but I digress). I was invited to join the honor society and I thought that would be the end of my participation in the honor society because I'm busy! I received a sketchy email, with very few details about the opportunity to travel with the honor society overseas. But I just didn't understand the logistics. So after initially saying yes, I did no follow up and chalked it up as a loss. Some 6 weeks or so later, the faculty advisor for the honor society contacts me again and asks if I would like to attend a conference in Italy. I called a few people some of whom told me no because essentially I would be travelling alone. I prayed on it. I asked some questions to the advisor and I prayed on it some more. Checked flights form this area and was like OH NOOOOOOOOOOOOO "DIS TEW MUCH"!

Then after a weekend of conflict in every sense of the word, I got the ok from "the universe": my boss said he didn't mind me leaving at the end of the fiscal year as long as I got my work done, my close friend randomly called and told me to check flights out of NYC.  Lo and behold, flights were $300 cheaper. So, I said "yes".

I called the advisor out of the blue and the more she explains to me about the trip, the more sure I am that this is what I was supposed to do. She mentioned that the person whose name is on the apartment rental would not be in Italy until later that night so she encouraged me to try to get a long layover somewhere. When I booked my flight I had to decide between Brussels and Zurich. The fat girl in me chose Brussels (waffles, beer, chocolate & steak frites!!) and I accepted the adventure to come. A week later, I receive an email from the professor asking me if I wanted to help present at the conference. ME? the government worker from DC with no counseling experience? the daughter of a single mother who was the first person in her family to graduate college? ME? What do I know? What can I share? Who am I to get up and speak to anyone on anything important? I am the person that is being asked to get up and speak to someone about something. So without hesitation, but MUCH trepidation in my spirit, I said "yes" again.

I go to the website yesterday and see my name and face as well as my "credentials" on the website for this international conference that is less than 2 weeks away. I realized that all I did was say "yes" & everything else fell into place. As I type this, I am fighting back tears because never in my wildest dreams did I imagine presenting on an international platform. I simply wanted to help the children in my area, but God has shown me bigger and better. And all I had to do was say "yes"!

I am learning to trust this process more and more each day! And I encourage you to do the same. The fear and anxiety may not ever go away, but get the hesitation out of your spirit and say "yes". Take that leap of faith & grab on to those opportunities presented to you. You never know where they will lead!

AMEN! 

NAMASTE! 

MAKE IT SO!