All You Gotta Do is Say "YES!"

No matter what you may believe in: one God, many Gods, the universe as one being, WHATEVER... this blog is for YOU!

Source: http://www.miraclesarebrewing.com/

First, a little background... I woke up one night many years ago and remembered my childhood dream of being a Child Psychologist. I know, I was always a strange child. I had let other people's opinions and my self-sabotage talk me out of pursuing psychology in undergrad. I spent and am still spending my years after working in communications in some form or fashion. But that day I decided to get me some other education. I got my M.A. in Forensic Psychology in 2007. But by the time I was finished the program and started applying for jobs it was apparent I would have to take a pay cut! No thank you. I knew that I had decided to go after this degree for a reason, so I just waited for the opportunity to present itself.

Fast forward to this summer, I am in the midst of pursuing a degree in Mental Health Counseling in order to become a Licensed Professional Counselor and I have been doing pretty well in school (ok VERY VERY well, but I digress). I was invited to join the honor society and I thought that would be the end of my participation in the honor society because I'm busy! I received a sketchy email, with very few details about the opportunity to travel with the honor society overseas. But I just didn't understand the logistics. So after initially saying yes, I did no follow up and chalked it up as a loss. Some 6 weeks or so later, the faculty advisor for the honor society contacts me again and asks if I would like to attend a conference in Italy. I called a few people some of whom told me no because essentially I would be travelling alone. I prayed on it. I asked some questions to the advisor and I prayed on it some more. Checked flights form this area and was like OH NOOOOOOOOOOOOO "DIS TEW MUCH"!

Then after a weekend of conflict in every sense of the word, I got the ok from "the universe": my boss said he didn't mind me leaving at the end of the fiscal year as long as I got my work done, my close friend randomly called and told me to check flights out of NYC.  Lo and behold, flights were $300 cheaper. So, I said "yes".

I called the advisor out of the blue and the more she explains to me about the trip, the more sure I am that this is what I was supposed to do. She mentioned that the person whose name is on the apartment rental would not be in Italy until later that night so she encouraged me to try to get a long layover somewhere. When I booked my flight I had to decide between Brussels and Zurich. The fat girl in me chose Brussels (waffles, beer, chocolate & steak frites!!) and I accepted the adventure to come. A week later, I receive an email from the professor asking me if I wanted to help present at the conference. ME? the government worker from DC with no counseling experience? the daughter of a single mother who was the first person in her family to graduate college? ME? What do I know? What can I share? Who am I to get up and speak to anyone on anything important? I am the person that is being asked to get up and speak to someone about something. So without hesitation, but MUCH trepidation in my spirit, I said "yes" again.

I go to the website yesterday and see my name and face as well as my "credentials" on the website for this international conference that is less than 2 weeks away. I realized that all I did was say "yes" & everything else fell into place. As I type this, I am fighting back tears because never in my wildest dreams did I imagine presenting on an international platform. I simply wanted to help the children in my area, but God has shown me bigger and better. And all I had to do was say "yes"!

I am learning to trust this process more and more each day! And I encourage you to do the same. The fear and anxiety may not ever go away, but get the hesitation out of your spirit and say "yes". Take that leap of faith & grab on to those opportunities presented to you. You never know where they will lead!

AMEN! 

NAMASTE! 

MAKE IT SO!

Speak Life

What do you say to yourself in the mirror in the morning? "You look like crap!" "You need to pull it together."  What do you say to yourself as you are getting dressed? What do you say to your friends when they ask you how are you?What are you speaking over yourself? Whether in jest or in truth... What do you say?

I am NOT a rainbows and unicorns person, but I believe in positive energy regardless of spiritual or religious affiliation. When you feed into negativity you breed more of the same. When you speak ill over your life illness will manifest. Today, for some reason, negativity is cropping up in my mind and while my heart is saying it knows better, my mind is racing with all manner of thoughts that center on the negative. I just had life spoken into my situation by a friend that is so over me for today! But she still found it in her to speak life and not help or allow me to dwell on the downside.

Which brings me to what are your friends saying to you? When you talk about your current love interest or your ex how do they respond? Those around you may be speaking death if you are not careful. Jokes are fine, but at the core, what is there? Who are you allowing to speak to your situation? Negative Nancies and Bitter Bernards? or do you have a network of people who know how to be real, honest AND positive. The truth doesn't have to be covered in sugar OR sh*t (pardon my language). It can be done tactfully. If you ain't got that... How can you expect fruit?  Proverbs 18:21 says- "Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof." I'll take the life fruit please & thanks!

Placeholders

Over the past few months, I've been dealing with some men ("some" meaning more than one but less than 10).  "Dealing with", not really dating... just kinda dealing... Men that I knew were too young, too immature,  too insecure, too used to drama, too busy, "not good enough" (THEIR words, not mine). After reading The Sacred Search by Gary Thomas, I know that there is not ONE person for everyone, but several if you are seeking someone to aid you in the building of God's kingdom. These men were not that. I am in the process of discovering who God would have me to be for Him to this world and these men had no clue. Not to down them, they had great hearts, and some even appeared to have a DESIRE to follow Matthew 6:33: "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." which is the verse that the aforementioned book is based upon, however... they were simply PLACEHOLDERS.

placeholder

noun

1. a person authorized to act for another

In my mind, and at least once in my heart, I was giving these men authorization to act on behalf of  a man that better fit into my future. But in doing so, where was this man to go if someone was holding his place? This man may be ANY of the things that I mentioned above but if he is seeking the kingdom, it would look and feel differently to me. He may be younger but have an old soul... I have NO desire to have an argument about whether the original WILLY WONKA and the Chocolate Factory was better than Charlie and the Chocolate Factory with a man in his 20s who has only seen the latter! He may be insecure but  in seeking the kingdom he allows himself to love me and me to love him and his insecurities fade... I have NO desire to deal with someone teetering back and forth between no drama with me and known chaos with someone else. He may be busy, but in seeking the kingdom, he realizes that he can and will make time for a woman who is also seeking the kingdom with whom he can build. He may not be good enough, but in seeking the kingdom his actions (not plans, but deeds) have him on a path to becoming a better person, not for me, but for God. But if these other men are holding his place, how and where will he fit?

These placeholders were granted authority out of loneliness, from a place of almost giving up, with the thought that SOMETHING was better than NOTHING. Because I "was not ready for a real relationship" it was ok to have hemidemisemiquavers taking the place of a whole note... for those that don't know music, that's 1/64th of a whole... that's several notes that you have to use to equal a whole (iowno math)

From: http://www.learnclassicalguitar.com/

In some cases, I was the placeholder for them. I am a lot of things (some awesome, some good, some not so great), but I am NOT a placeholder. God knows I'm not perfect, but I am a woman that is seeking the kingdom. This morning on FB, my update from "God Wants You to Know" stated that "well done is always better than well-said". I talk a LOT but I try my best to make my words match up with my deeds and I am trying to make sure my deeds match my intentions in a way that impacts the kingdom positively. And for that reason, I know that I am not a placeholder. I am not a proxy, a  surrogate, a backup, a fill-in or a substitute. I am the original, the archetype, the model, the pattern, the paradigm. I must continue to see myself as such and act as such. 

Sure, I'm loud, a little raunchy, I have a sophomoric sense of humor, I still curse a little (ok sometimes a lot but not in front of children, pastors & old people anymore), I drink, I like a little ratchet music every now and then. But I am leaps and bounds away from where I used to be, how I used to be, what I used to be and WHY I used to be. I work regularly to do and be better and I cannot stand in place. I am not a placeholder for any man on this earth, God has given me the authority to overcome all the enemy's power and nothing will harm me (Luke 10:19). It may hurt for a moment but it will not harm me there is a huge difference.

I challenge you all to identify the placeholders in your life. Not just people but the things you have given the authority to act on behalf of something or someone else. I also challenge you to trust the process and step out of your placeholder position and take the authority to act on your OWN behalf. I pray that God allows us all to let go of placeholders and placeholdings so that we are free in his authority to seek him, trample the snakes and scorpions, and match our words to our deeds to our intentions to build His Kingdom. 

You Ain't Foolin' Nobody

Phoniness is transparent. Some of us believe in fake it til you make it because it helps us get through our low points. However, if you do not acknowledge your lows, how can you appreciate your highs? No one does the right thing all the time and no one should expect to either. But, let's be real... constantly being cheerful on social media, smiling like you have to go #2 in all your photos and shoving your happiness down people's throat not only gets old, but it's fake. You know it & I know it. How do I know? Because I've been there. But what I learned was that those with a discerning spirit see right through it.

You don't have to be perfect, you don't have to be happy about where your life is right at this moment , you don't have to tell the world your every move to prove you are moving. I've seen people tweeting and posting about how happy they are with where they are, but will look you in your face and not speak even though they know you and see you on a regular basis. I've seen people who continuously talk about how comfortable they are in their own skin, but will roll their eyes at and make "jokes" about whatever positive thing someone else has going on that they are blatantly envious of. The more perfect you pretend to be, the more imperfect you seem to discerning spirits. The more holier-than-thou you appear to be, the more people around you await your downfall. You ain't foolin' nobody!

A few months ago, I had to look in the mirror and tell myself: "Quit it out, Boo, you ain't foolin' nobody!"

I had to be okay with not always making the right decisions. I had to be okay with not having to justify my bad decisions. I had to be okay with not appearing perfect. I gave myself permission to fall,  fail, and falter. I gave myself permission to mess up, misstep, and make mistakes. But I also gave myself permission to process, pray, and prepare. Why was I making mistakes? Why was I faltering? Because I viewed myself as more perfect than I was. I was misstepping and failing because I thought I was too good to... I thought God was too big in me to allow these things to happen. But finally, I got real and I gave myself permission to be human. I realized God does not expect me to be perfect.... he expects me to perfect who I am becoming. And perfecting is a never-ending process. There is ALWAYS room for improvement.

You won't ever be perfect. That's ok! What's not  ok is pretending to be. It is harmful to you and just plain annoying to everyone around you. Ask yourself why do you feel the need to be so perfect? Are you trying to impress the people? Or are you trying to convince them of something? Are you trying to convince yourself of something? Let that thing GOOOOOOOOOOO! It's okay... and frankly, it's not working!

I want to be abundantly clear. I'm not preaching... I'm talking to myself... out loud. The last time I did this, it helped some folks, so I chose to do it again. Therefore, if anything I've said here makes you feel some kind of way towards ME... it's probably time to go to the mirror and say those 4 magic words: You ain't foolin' nobody!

Transparency is a major part of clarity is a major part of trusting the process.

Trust the Process

I've been through some things, y'all!

My relationship of almost 3 years ended. And at that point I lost sight of a lot of things... BUT GOD!

If you don't want to be ministered to, stop reading RIGHT NOW, cuz I'm about to go IN!

I have suffered through depression, anxiety, serious self-doubt, and most of all negative thinking. That is the biggest problem most people have. Romans 12:2 (NIV) says: "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will." I had to change my mind on some things in my life and about myself! I had to see some people for who they were and who I had pretended to be. I had to look at some situations through God's eyes and realize that there was a way. As I started taking the steps and making the sacrifices, things started happening that I could only say were God's hand. There may be some of you who feel stuck in a room that is your current situation. You have some things with you in that room that you carry around everyday. There is a way out, there's an open door. But fitting through that door may mean that you have to leave some things in that room. Some apprehensions, some activities, some time, some people. But what you must realize is that once you go through that open door, there is a HALLWAY of bigger, better doors that are WIDE OPEN!

photo from:  http://www.redbubble.com/people/jasonbakerphoto?ref=artist_title_name

You have to leave some things behind. It's NOT easy, but nothing simple ever is if you truly think about it. I am not just saying words to make you feel better, this is part of my testimony. I have been lower than low with no sight of how to get up. I have allowed people and situations to cloud my mind and distort what I know my God can do and who I have known my God to be. He has been a banker, a healer, a protector, and a deliverer in just a few short months. He has done things for me that takes YEARS for some people all because I shed some things & walked through that door. 

Lately, I have been battling with anxiety more than ever. I have doubted my own self-worth but most of all my worthiness of God's grace, mercy and love. I have strayed and wandered and wondered and prayed and strayed and wandered and wondered... you get where this is going. My anxiety began a terrible cycle. I had to get honest with God, myself, and those around me. No longer could I wear the mask of "Being ok" then go home to cry myself to sleep at night, go for days only eating once or twice because I was literally sick on my stomach from worry and doubt. I had to open my eyes and my heart and realize that I could not get through all of this on my own. I prayed for the right people to turn to and God shined a big bright spotlight. As they began praying for and with me and sharing their own testimonies, I started to shed more and more weights. My Asst. Pastor gave me this scripture (one I have known all too well over the past few months) that was already highlighted, bookmarked, AND annotated in my bible app- 

Philippians 4:6-8 (NIV)

"6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. 8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."

It's amazing how you can read something, or hear something over and over and it impacts you, but only for a moment. Until one day, it rings truer than your own name. It gets in your spirit and your soul and your heart and your mind and takes up residence there, encompassing all you experience. 

I had someone whisper to me one Sunday after a particularly teary-eyed altar call: "Trust the process." Before that moment, I THOUGHT I was doing well in dealing with everything I had going on. God had been working some things and showing me things and I thought I was good. But I realized there was still doubt deep inside. I was uncertain not WHERE I was to go, but if I even WANTED to go there. That is a big deal for people to admit. Some of us KNOW what God can do and how he can get us there. Yet we want to do it our way, using our own map that is full of detours and pitfalls and layovers (and layunders... yeah I said it!) and roundabouts that we go around 4 & 5 times before we finally take our exit:

Hey kids, Big Ben... Parliament!

We put ourselves through so much and add extra, unnecessary miles to our journeys all because we don't know if we WANT to take the route layed out for us. We fear what it might take from us moreso than what it will give to us. We would rather trust the devil we know versus the God we don't know. (Let that marinate for a minute!!!) 

I'm gong to make this personal because as I write this, I am receiving clarity... none of this was mapped out I just decided to "Trust the process" this morning and all of this flowed from it! I was willing to remain in my sin, shame, anxiety, depression, stagnant place of complacency because it was familiar; I knew how to "be ok" with it. Even though I knew that God could take me out of it and I was praying to be rescued, I was afraid to walk through the door and be uncomfortable and have to get used to something new even though I was sure that this new thing would be better. How crazy is that? How many of us can honestly say that we are truly trusting the process? I'm still not there 100%, but it is getting easier everyday I take a step closer to that next door. In this time of uncertainty, God has allowed me to minister to others even as I am going through. It has, in return, built my trust of the process even more. 

I urge you all to trust the process. Whatever it may be in your life, take those faith steps and shed those things that are keeping you from getting to where God needs you to be. He needs you there. It's up to you how fast you get there. Just don't be afraid to go!

TRUST THE PROCESS!