Say WHAT!?!?!?

This blog is a BIT all over the place... but just rock with me, I promise it'll be worth it!

There are times in the process of getting to know someone where communication breaks down. Sometimes it's forgivable, overlookable. But sometimes it's a testament to how the person listens, processes and acts upon what you tell them. I have known many a man who will ask you one thing, receive the answer and then develop something in their heads that when it does not come out how they planned get upset with you. Here's my issue with that. Time and again when they asked me a question I answer THAT question without assumptions or anticipations. So when THAT question is more open-ended than it should be, please don't get upset with ME! Prime example:

Them: What are you doing later? 

Me: Nothing.

Them HOURS later: So where do you want to go for dinner?

Me: I made plans already.

When you make your intentions clear from the beginning, there is no room for misunderstanding. Even in cases where someone wanted to surprise me, there are ways to make sure I'm where you want/need me to be at the right time without saying "I have a surprise for you". It's all about how and what you communicate.

I am a woman who says what I mean and mean what I say. If you interpret it any differently than how I said it, that's totally on you. I choose my words carefully for this very reason. I was a Communications major, I have a way with words, I KNOW what I said. In order to deal with me one must understand this.

I'm not perfect, by any means. There is a song performed by Nina Simone that says:

Oh baby, I'm just human

Don't you know I have faults like anyone?

Sometimes I find myself alone regretting

Some little foolish thing, some simple thing that I've done

'Cause I'm just a soul whose intentions are good

Oh Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood

I SOMETIMES make mistakes in my communication due to emotion, or sleepiness..... But, for the most part I mean every word I say and I expect you to understand that. I don't set out to make things difficult for anyone, contrary to popular belief. But I do expect someone to be able to process what I say the way I say it without inferences and interpretations. If you ask me what I like and I tell you, then you immediately decide to do the opposite, I'm not going to go along just to get along. I said what I said for a reason. I say it all the time, "I'm always right and I'm almost never wrong" so disputing me is futile. Whether that is a good stance to take or not, it simply means I stand by my words. I can give you flowery prose, or I can be so concise and blunt that you may get your feelings hurt; either way I pride myself on my ability to communicate well. If you don't respect and understand that, you don't respect or understand me.

I urge you all to take heed to this. As an adult, you know what you like, love, or are indifferent about. You know what is important to you, what you are proud of, what means the most. If someone does not appreciate it or at least respect those things, they just aren't for you. Don't be afraid to say what you mean. Too often we mince words to keep someone around, failing to realize that we are suppressing a part of ourselves to appease someone else. Many of us have done it for far too long and still come up empty. So why not speak your peace (yes PEACE, think about it!) and let things come together or fall apart based upon  your truths. You'll be happier in the end, I PROMISE!

It's Alright

Today, I feel like May Boatwright the emotional sister in "The Secret Life of Bees". I have been walking around with my face like this:

Alllll morning... seriously.

I feel very deeply for this world & our future. I can't help it. But what am I going to do about it? SOMETHING! I spoke to my mom this morning & she reminded me that FEELING this way means there is a calling on my life that I cannot ignore. Instead of using these things to depress me I need to use them as motivation. I am determined to do so.

Gospel music is great & ministers to me, but sometimes a well-worded R&B song can give you that good old, everyday joe perspective. Enter Ledisi:

This life can make me so confused but it's alright
Living day by day I feel so used. That ain't right
I just wanna run and hide
But I don't have the time to cry and it's alright

I have things on the horizon that I have the tools to tackle. And I have to get to it & through it. There's no other option but for forward movement. If I'm crying, I'm not trying. (Ijust made that up, but I like it!) As cathartic as tears can be, they are all for nothing if you don't DO something. So, I'm doing it. (repeats it over & over to myself to defeat the evil Fear Dragon that is trying to devour my confidence, hope AND motivation... he so greedyyyyyy!)

I always say things about people that complain & don't do. I am going to do. I have no choice, I can't keep crying. That doesn't bring about results. Please don't worry about me ending it all like May (if that was even your concern), I just have to press on & on & on.

I know that as long as I am persuing that which God has for me to do...

Everything is everything... it's ALRIGHT!

picture of Ledisi is from: http://www.neosoulville.com/

Disappointment

This morning I found out that a close male friend of mine was in a relationship. And under normal circumstances, I would be happy for him, congratualte him, ask questions about the girl, etc. But these circumstances were FAR from normal. See, this friend didn't call me all excited to tell me. Nor did he tell me when we talked just this weekend. This friend changed his relationship status on FB!

So I, of course, had to pull him to the side, via electronic message and express my EXTREME disappointment. Over the past year, he and I had become quite close. I held him in high esteem among my male friends. So for this to be how I found out left me absolutely crest-fallen. I was speaking to another male friend this morning about the term "disappointment" and how much DEEPER it is than getting upset or mad. Merriam-Webster defines the word "disappoint" as such: to fail to meet the expectation or hope of. Meaning I have placed my hope and expectations in you -something I do less and less to avoid EXACTLY this-  but you have not lived up to such. In essence, the trust has now been broken. That is harder to fix than just being mad or upset with someone, i have learned to get over those things quite easily.

What makes matters worse is that he said he started to tell me and couldn't. What or why he would think he couldn't tell me is BEYOND ME! I felt most betrayed because he knows that another one of my close friends had done a similar thing and how much that hurt me. Overall, if and when I do get over this disappointment... our friendship has been damaged and it won't get any harder and it' won't get and higher...

A disappointment.

Oh, you shouldn't have done,

You couldn't have done,

You wouldn't have done the things you did then...

But it won't get any harder,

And I hope you'll find your way again.

And it won't get any higher,

And it all boils down to what you did...

Image from: http://www.norcalblogs.com/bullfight/archives/disappointment.jpg