Say WHAT!?!?!?

This blog is a BIT all over the place... but just rock with me, I promise it'll be worth it!

There are times in the process of getting to know someone where communication breaks down. Sometimes it's forgivable, overlookable. But sometimes it's a testament to how the person listens, processes and acts upon what you tell them. I have known many a man who will ask you one thing, receive the answer and then develop something in their heads that when it does not come out how they planned get upset with you. Here's my issue with that. Time and again when they asked me a question I answer THAT question without assumptions or anticipations. So when THAT question is more open-ended than it should be, please don't get upset with ME! Prime example:

Them: What are you doing later? 

Me: Nothing.

Them HOURS later: So where do you want to go for dinner?

Me: I made plans already.

When you make your intentions clear from the beginning, there is no room for misunderstanding. Even in cases where someone wanted to surprise me, there are ways to make sure I'm where you want/need me to be at the right time without saying "I have a surprise for you". It's all about how and what you communicate.

I am a woman who says what I mean and mean what I say. If you interpret it any differently than how I said it, that's totally on you. I choose my words carefully for this very reason. I was a Communications major, I have a way with words, I KNOW what I said. In order to deal with me one must understand this.

I'm not perfect, by any means. There is a song performed by Nina Simone that says:

Oh baby, I'm just human

Don't you know I have faults like anyone?

Sometimes I find myself alone regretting

Some little foolish thing, some simple thing that I've done

'Cause I'm just a soul whose intentions are good

Oh Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood

I SOMETIMES make mistakes in my communication due to emotion, or sleepiness..... But, for the most part I mean every word I say and I expect you to understand that. I don't set out to make things difficult for anyone, contrary to popular belief. But I do expect someone to be able to process what I say the way I say it without inferences and interpretations. If you ask me what I like and I tell you, then you immediately decide to do the opposite, I'm not going to go along just to get along. I said what I said for a reason. I say it all the time, "I'm always right and I'm almost never wrong" so disputing me is futile. Whether that is a good stance to take or not, it simply means I stand by my words. I can give you flowery prose, or I can be so concise and blunt that you may get your feelings hurt; either way I pride myself on my ability to communicate well. If you don't respect and understand that, you don't respect or understand me.

I urge you all to take heed to this. As an adult, you know what you like, love, or are indifferent about. You know what is important to you, what you are proud of, what means the most. If someone does not appreciate it or at least respect those things, they just aren't for you. Don't be afraid to say what you mean. Too often we mince words to keep someone around, failing to realize that we are suppressing a part of ourselves to appease someone else. Many of us have done it for far too long and still come up empty. So why not speak your peace (yes PEACE, think about it!) and let things come together or fall apart based upon  your truths. You'll be happier in the end, I PROMISE!

"A Little Romance... just a little bit says..."

What?

I logged onto my BELOVED Google Talk this AM to find one of my boys had a very abrasive status message: So you've never been romanced, and now I'm suppsoed to be prince charming??? O.....KKKKKk..:-/

I had no choice but to confront him. Especially since a few of my closest friends, male AND female, are in relationships that lack that one little thing. What happened to the good old days when romance wasn't something you had to do, it was just something that you just did. Now, it is such a CHORE... calling to say hello on a day you were supposed to be busy, picking up some flowers on the way over, surprising them with lunch at work when you are in the area. These things should be easy because it's not about being lovey dovey, it's about showing someone they are cared about & appreciated. This goes for both sexes.

So before I totally went off, I asked him to explain his message. He says that he and a friend were discussing how she now wants/needs some romance in her life. And he can't seem to understand how at 27 she is just discovering that. My response was, I know 27 year old males that still don't know what romance IS, so she may have always known this was what she wanted but had been forced to abandon the idea because no one she had been attracted to thus far knew what it was. I suggested that she was telling him what she wanted & if he chose to proceed without acknowledging that or making some attempt at such he was doing them both a disservice because that is how she ended up romanceless thus far.

I let him know I was not appreciative of the tone of his message as if romance was a foreign, outdated, or despicable concept. He says because he is in a mood at present, he just wasn't feeling it, but that he may consider it. It's strange because, if this were a woman explaining this to a man she would be considered bitter. But what is it called when the tables are turned?

I suggested he get himself together and stop taking his issues out on innocent people via Google Talk. His replacement message was a little more self-actualizing, but still had a hint of lemon. I hope he works whatever it is out and stops forcing me to get all worked up so damn early in the morning! He got my pressure up I need to go eat a banana!