Reclaiming Your Power

Let me start by saying, I am talking to me and  you.... Consider this a collective pep talk.

Who are you? What defines you? What do you live for and what can you do without? Think about the things to which we give power in our lives: careers, relationships (familial, platonic and intimate), hobbies, volunteer work, frats and sororities. You may even want to make a list.

The things we put our thoughts, time and energy into are the things to which we give our power. 

Now, think about how much brain and soul space those things inhabit. What's on your mind when you wake up? What do you think about in those quiet moments? 

Next, consider how you feel when you think about those things. Which things bring you joy, peace, happiness, satisfaction? Which things lead  you to feel worry, stress, depression, unfulfillment?

Finally, truly think about what is worth fixing, mending, or doing better and what is better left alone. 

Does that change how you previously defined yourself? 

We oftentimes find ourselves stressing over things we cannot control and thereby giving those uncontrollable things our power and in turn allowing those things to control us and sometimes break us all of the way down. The simple things are not always easy and the easy things are not always simple. Simply letting go of the self-definitions that are causing us internal strife is hard work! But it's work that we must do in order to relieve those things of their power. It's much easier to not do the work required, but that often ends up unnecessarily complicating our lives at some point. 

If you were honest with yourself while reading this, you've got some reframing to do. Let's mend these broken places. We are allowing things to define us that are drawing negativity and we are much too fly for that! It's going to take some time, but even a small step is progress! 2 Timothy 1:7 says: For the spirit God has given us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.

SO, GO TAKE YOUR POWER BACK!

pic from: https://lisagawlas.wordpress.com/2017/02/23/the-ego-the-master-of-matter/

This is Why Nobody Likes Christians

Just last week I talked about confronting my own hypocrisy. Self-awareness is imperative to self-improvement. Self-improvement is imperative to becoming your higher self. Regardless of what you believe in, you should be aiming to become better in this life.

Now, here's the thing. I go to church, I believe in God, I follow the teachings of Jesus. I cannot stand Christians. Let me say it again: I. Cannot. Stand. Christians. This was not what I was going to blog about so this list is not in ANY order. But let me tell you why nobody likes "us".


1. We're ashamed of our testimony- If the Lord brought you out of it, why not share it? Why hide from your past if that's not who or what you are anymore? Why hide from your past if you are still struggling with it? If Ephesians 1:7 is true and you have redemption through his blood and there is glory after suffering like 1 Peter says, then what are you ashamed of really? No one is saying you have to go into gory detail about your drug dealer days nor glorify your mid-20s sexcapades, but you ain't gotta lie or clutch your pearls anytime your past comes up. Even if people are trying to use it against you, which people have DEFINITELY done to me, why not use it as a "LOOK AT ME NOW" moment. Those same people that tried to use my past against me once I started to be serious about my spiritual journey are now coming to me for prayer. #lookatgawd

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2. We're too judgey- In the same way that we are ashamed of our testimony, we use that shame to shame others. I watched a clip of a particularly infamous female preacher talking about the manner in which some women dress for church. Calling them names and being so adamantly graphic and vulgar about the female anatomy to the point she was almost foaming at the mouth! *Editing out my smart remark*  Why so much judgment for people you profess to love? Over undergarments!?!?

• Sidenote: Some of us more top-heavy women have issues keeping the puppies still in the kennel and others have issues turning off our high beams. I have pulled my sister aside and let her know her high beams were on as a courtesy. I didn't get on FB and blast it out in disgust. Sometimes folks are not aware or not even THINKING about that sort of thing. So why are you so angry? This judgment has even caused me to feel self-conscious in the middle of a good shout! I have definitely been in the middle of a praise and suddenly become aware of my body and thrown my arm across my chest all because I did not want to be judged for how well my undergarments controlled my situation under extreme circumstances. I have veered WAY off course!

My point is, we judge others for things they a- may not be aware of or sometimes can't help and 2- we have done ourselves. Clutching our pearls at people's drunk-in-the-club stories from last year when we are only a month away from our NEXT or LAST backslide. Then to disown the people whom you have judged.... chiiiiiiile! In John 6:37 the good Lord himself says "All those the Father Gives me will come to me, and whoever comes to me I will never drive away." Yet, here you are publicly shaming those who have come to you for spiritual guidance. And I've already discussed being judged with the same judgement.... 

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3. We lie to ourselves and others- We don't have to tell everyone our business, but we also don't have to just outright lie. Why are you pretending to be this upstanding soldier in the Lord's Army when you know you don't have it all together? If your house ain't in order, your finances ain't right, your walk ain't straight OR narrow, FIX IT! We put an abundance of time and effort into appearing to be model Christians-- whatever that even means-- yet not enough time and effort is put into just being human. We all have sinned and fallen short. Some of us are planning to sin this weekend. We don't have to lie. But the aforementioned shame and judgment that has been ingrained in us prevents us from admitting it to ourselves. No one is completely sinless, no one is unconditionally blameless, no one is perfectly virtuous. Does that mean we shouldn't try to be? NO! But that does mean we don't have to try so hard to pretend to be. "Because you're no angel either, baby."- Bey

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4. We act like we ain't got time for nobody else- I saw a post on FB yesterday about millennials leaving church because the person in the pulpit cannot be bothered with the congregation. Where in the bible is that at? Matthew 25:40 talks about what you do for the "least of these" you did for Him. The least of these has some quantifiers earlier on in the chapter, but the point remains many of us act like we cannot be bothered with social justice, community service, outreach... NOTHIN! We don't have to hand out money to every homeless person on the street but we also don't have to walk out of church with our noses turned up and butts on our backs. I'm guilty of this as well because as an introvert, I honestly don't feel like heavy convo or light banter after pouring my soul out. But, I try to give a smile or light hug as I make my hasty exit.  I even apologize if I know I'm coming off wrong because I am aware of this fault. But for the people in the pulpit to do this, is damaging to "the least of these". Church hurt is some of the worst hurt!

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5. We're MAAAAD sexist, yo!- Christianity is problematic as a mugg! The Bible is full of  "Wait, what?" passages. It's been through many translations, and tons of edits, and outright omissions and additions. I get it. But like the Pointer Sisters said in Car Wash "You gotta believe in something". And I believe in the overarching themes of The Bible. I believe that what I have felt and experienced in church and through my practice and worship has been beneficial to my overall improvement and higher understanding of my life's purpose. 

HOWEVER, I know that some of the things that some of y'all's preachers spout is nothing but sexist foolishness. Women not causing men to stumble is chief among them. Many of us Christian women have bought into the internalized misogyny and have used it to keep us from being great.... like.... *sigh* I don't even know how to address this without a whole other 5 paragraph dissertation. Let me wrap this up, b!

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Most of y'all probably didn't even get this far... so I will just say, I acknowledge that Christianity is sexist and archaic in many ways, but I don't buy into it, nor do I allow it to deter me. I fight against it in many ways and will continue to do so. 

I made sure that I said WE so y'all know I am not excluding myself.... we ALL got work to do!

Placeholders

Over the past few months, I've been dealing with some men ("some" meaning more than one but less than 10).  "Dealing with", not really dating... just kinda dealing... Men that I knew were too young, too immature,  too insecure, too used to drama, too busy, "not good enough" (THEIR words, not mine). After reading The Sacred Search by Gary Thomas, I know that there is not ONE person for everyone, but several if you are seeking someone to aid you in the building of God's kingdom. These men were not that. I am in the process of discovering who God would have me to be for Him to this world and these men had no clue. Not to down them, they had great hearts, and some even appeared to have a DESIRE to follow Matthew 6:33: "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." which is the verse that the aforementioned book is based upon, however... they were simply PLACEHOLDERS.

placeholder

noun

1. a person authorized to act for another

In my mind, and at least once in my heart, I was giving these men authorization to act on behalf of  a man that better fit into my future. But in doing so, where was this man to go if someone was holding his place? This man may be ANY of the things that I mentioned above but if he is seeking the kingdom, it would look and feel differently to me. He may be younger but have an old soul... I have NO desire to have an argument about whether the original WILLY WONKA and the Chocolate Factory was better than Charlie and the Chocolate Factory with a man in his 20s who has only seen the latter! He may be insecure but  in seeking the kingdom he allows himself to love me and me to love him and his insecurities fade... I have NO desire to deal with someone teetering back and forth between no drama with me and known chaos with someone else. He may be busy, but in seeking the kingdom, he realizes that he can and will make time for a woman who is also seeking the kingdom with whom he can build. He may not be good enough, but in seeking the kingdom his actions (not plans, but deeds) have him on a path to becoming a better person, not for me, but for God. But if these other men are holding his place, how and where will he fit?

These placeholders were granted authority out of loneliness, from a place of almost giving up, with the thought that SOMETHING was better than NOTHING. Because I "was not ready for a real relationship" it was ok to have hemidemisemiquavers taking the place of a whole note... for those that don't know music, that's 1/64th of a whole... that's several notes that you have to use to equal a whole (iowno math)

From: http://www.learnclassicalguitar.com/

In some cases, I was the placeholder for them. I am a lot of things (some awesome, some good, some not so great), but I am NOT a placeholder. God knows I'm not perfect, but I am a woman that is seeking the kingdom. This morning on FB, my update from "God Wants You to Know" stated that "well done is always better than well-said". I talk a LOT but I try my best to make my words match up with my deeds and I am trying to make sure my deeds match my intentions in a way that impacts the kingdom positively. And for that reason, I know that I am not a placeholder. I am not a proxy, a  surrogate, a backup, a fill-in or a substitute. I am the original, the archetype, the model, the pattern, the paradigm. I must continue to see myself as such and act as such. 

Sure, I'm loud, a little raunchy, I have a sophomoric sense of humor, I still curse a little (ok sometimes a lot but not in front of children, pastors & old people anymore), I drink, I like a little ratchet music every now and then. But I am leaps and bounds away from where I used to be, how I used to be, what I used to be and WHY I used to be. I work regularly to do and be better and I cannot stand in place. I am not a placeholder for any man on this earth, God has given me the authority to overcome all the enemy's power and nothing will harm me (Luke 10:19). It may hurt for a moment but it will not harm me there is a huge difference.

I challenge you all to identify the placeholders in your life. Not just people but the things you have given the authority to act on behalf of something or someone else. I also challenge you to trust the process and step out of your placeholder position and take the authority to act on your OWN behalf. I pray that God allows us all to let go of placeholders and placeholdings so that we are free in his authority to seek him, trample the snakes and scorpions, and match our words to our deeds to our intentions to build His Kingdom. 

You Ain't Foolin' Nobody

Phoniness is transparent. Some of us believe in fake it til you make it because it helps us get through our low points. However, if you do not acknowledge your lows, how can you appreciate your highs? No one does the right thing all the time and no one should expect to either. But, let's be real... constantly being cheerful on social media, smiling like you have to go #2 in all your photos and shoving your happiness down people's throat not only gets old, but it's fake. You know it & I know it. How do I know? Because I've been there. But what I learned was that those with a discerning spirit see right through it.

You don't have to be perfect, you don't have to be happy about where your life is right at this moment , you don't have to tell the world your every move to prove you are moving. I've seen people tweeting and posting about how happy they are with where they are, but will look you in your face and not speak even though they know you and see you on a regular basis. I've seen people who continuously talk about how comfortable they are in their own skin, but will roll their eyes at and make "jokes" about whatever positive thing someone else has going on that they are blatantly envious of. The more perfect you pretend to be, the more imperfect you seem to discerning spirits. The more holier-than-thou you appear to be, the more people around you await your downfall. You ain't foolin' nobody!

A few months ago, I had to look in the mirror and tell myself: "Quit it out, Boo, you ain't foolin' nobody!"

I had to be okay with not always making the right decisions. I had to be okay with not having to justify my bad decisions. I had to be okay with not appearing perfect. I gave myself permission to fall,  fail, and falter. I gave myself permission to mess up, misstep, and make mistakes. But I also gave myself permission to process, pray, and prepare. Why was I making mistakes? Why was I faltering? Because I viewed myself as more perfect than I was. I was misstepping and failing because I thought I was too good to... I thought God was too big in me to allow these things to happen. But finally, I got real and I gave myself permission to be human. I realized God does not expect me to be perfect.... he expects me to perfect who I am becoming. And perfecting is a never-ending process. There is ALWAYS room for improvement.

You won't ever be perfect. That's ok! What's not  ok is pretending to be. It is harmful to you and just plain annoying to everyone around you. Ask yourself why do you feel the need to be so perfect? Are you trying to impress the people? Or are you trying to convince them of something? Are you trying to convince yourself of something? Let that thing GOOOOOOOOOOO! It's okay... and frankly, it's not working!

I want to be abundantly clear. I'm not preaching... I'm talking to myself... out loud. The last time I did this, it helped some folks, so I chose to do it again. Therefore, if anything I've said here makes you feel some kind of way towards ME... it's probably time to go to the mirror and say those 4 magic words: You ain't foolin' nobody!

Transparency is a major part of clarity is a major part of trusting the process.