Healing When You're Hurting

So look, I've been recovering from an appendectomy. I need y'all to understand this. Something I never thought would impact me was bothering me so much, I had to have it removed immediately and spent a significant amount of time healing from it.  If you have been reading over the last month or so, you will know that this is a micro of the macro that has been my life recently. 

Here's what had happened: Friday, I thought I had gas. Saturday, I went to a football game, had a fish plate, attended an after party, party hopped with my sorors,  and went to dinner with a friend... with gas and a small pain in my side. Sunday, I woke up with a sharper pain and realized my high pain tolerance may have caused me to miss an important message my body was giving me. I posted about it on FB because that's just who I am as a person. Then, I commenced to tidying up my house and deciding my next course of action. The pain got my attention and my BFF came to my rescue. He took me to urgent care and they sent me to the emergency room after finding an issue with my bloodwork. I had only ONE symptom of appendicitis, so I wasn't certain what was causing the white blood count issue. After hours in the emergency waiting room, I finally get sent to the back. The emergency nurse was soooooooo annoying. She told me I should have come to the ER instead of going to urgent care. First of all, I thought it was bad gas, lady! I  just turned my head and closed my eyes because I felt that ringing in my ears that I get when I'm ready to blackout and curse someone out. My BFF came to the rescue (again) and gave her a half-hearted, "Ok, thanks." Then, as she is jamming a needle into my tiny veins for a 3rd time she sees me flinching and tearing up and asks me "What's wrong, you don't like IVs?" Y'ALL! I wanted to say, "Of course I do! Who doesn't!?!?" Instead, I closed my eyes and looked away, again. Who asks something like that? I know I said I have a high tolerance for pain, but something about the smooth insides of my precious forearms and my delicate, little veins meeting a long sharp needle that hurts more than almost anything. Mind you, this was the third try.

So long story short, I go to get the CT scan and it's appendicitis! I have surgery at 11 PM on Sunday and don't see my house again until 11 days later. In spite of bruising, infiltrated IVs causing me Popeye arm, and bad reactions to pain medications, I had an overall good experience in the hospital. My nurses and doc outside of the Emergency department were great. My people showed up for me in the best of ways. I got through it and 2 weeks later, I'm back at work a little sore, but much better.

The healing process was troubling because I do not like to ask for help. But what I learned is that when you are hurting and you let the right people know, they will show up for you in the ways you request. They asked me what I needed, I stated it and my friends provided. Some going above and beyond what I even asked of them. 

The lesson here is this: My body was telling me I was hurting, I ignored it until it was undeniable because I ain't no sucka, I'm tough, I'm resilient, I'm a soldier, I'm stubborn! This led to unexpected extraction of something that was of no use to me, but causing me pain nonetheless. In the process of healing from this, my friends reached out and I told them what I needed. They provided in the form of gifts, food, necessities and sometimes just company. I made my needs known, I got more than I even thought I needed and it made the healing much easier. I was forced to chill out and be outside of my comfort zone. Days later, I'm back to my routine still a little sore but definitely no longer in pain. 

So ask yourself: What is my body telling me? What do I need to have examined and extracted? Who can I call on to help me heal? Am I willing to rest and heal as long as it takes? 

Take care of yourself, stay in tune, call on your people, take your time healing!

Words from my problematic boo, John Mayer.

The Ending of a Thing

You learn a lot in endings, especially the end of friendships and relationships. I can admit that I have not acted with grace when things have ended in the past. But I can also admit that others have not either. Neither one of those things hurt me any less than the other. To know that someone you care about could cause you so much pain is just as jarring as causing pain to someone else.

But what people say in those moments of hurt and how they act thereafter speaks volumes. I can think of a time when I was literally crying on the floor begging someone not to go and they coolly walked away. I can also think of a time when I calmly stated my piece and the person chose the nuclear option. Sometimes a sincere and detailed apology can go a long way. Other times a cleansing conversation once you cool off helps put both people at ease. Then there are those times when the earth should definitely be scorched, the bridge burned, the door welded shut! Knowing when to employ those options is a true sign of emotional maturity.

There was an IG meme that I wanted to use here that said something like you learn a lot about a person by the way things end, or something of that nature. I cannot find it though. But I have found this to be true in how many things have ended friendships, relationships, partnerships, etc. When people are honest with themselves and each other, the ending of a thing can be so peaceful. But when one or both people are being dishonest... WHEW! That's when things get ill. Things occur like transferral of energy which is probably one of the most hurtful things you can do to someone (outside of physical harm) and it usually only makes the transferer feel better temporarily.

Hurt people hurt people. We've all been hurt, but hurting others won't help you heal. Healing is internal and it starts with truth. At the end of a thing, are you being true to and with yourself or are you solely seeking to harm someone else? I am all about being honest with self, first. My mother raised me to think what I could have done differently when conflict arises and that is how I approach most anything including endings. I try to do some serious soul-searching and set my boundaries beforehand. I don't always get it exactly right, but I try to do what's best. I am not always successful and it doesn't always go well, but I can sincerely say that the ending of a thing is me trying my best...

I thought that last statement was going to be the last statement, but I sought out a Word and came upon this. take from it what you will. Ecclesiastes 7:8-9 says:

8 the end of a matter is better than its beginning, and patience is better than pride. 9 Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools.  

Note: Excuse me if this seems disjointed but I am currently going through the process myself, but I hoped that by sharing this now, I could help others who I know are doing the same.

BE GOOD TO ONE ANOTHER, Y'ALL!

Breaking Before You're Broken

This place is overwhelming! By this place I mean the whole of everything, every place you live, work, drive by on the way to the grocery store, see on the news, hear about in other conversations. OVERWHELMING! 

What day do you do NOTHING? Do you have to plan it? I work 6 days a week. It used to be 7 until I made a conscious decision to take my Sundays back. I do NO work on Sundays. I don't think about work on Sundays, I don't run errands for work on Sundays. I go to church and I chills... but that's not enough. I am currently counting down the days before I hop a plane and get away from everyone and everything. 

I booked this trip on a whim a month ago not knowing that I would really REALLY neeeeeed it. Now, here I am moments from screaming at the top of my lungs and tearing at my hair and I'm ret to go!(ok, I'm not finna mess up all this wondrous natural hair I've been growing but I have definitely activated my 3 Seconds of Rage and screamed a lil bit)

Anyways, are you feeling at wit's end? Are you at the end of your rope and you really want to use those last few inches to strangle somebody? Go somewhere! Get out of your own head and your own home. When I was in school, I would take a daycation. I'd book a hotel at least 30 minutes away and ask for early check in and late check out... While I was there I would do what I WANTED. Sometimes that was nothing, sometimes that was designing something, writing out a plan, learning a new skill. But I would absolutely not think about responsibilities. 

I've been writing a lot about taking care of self because they drilled self-care into our heads in grad school. I realized I have not been doing a great job at it due to other obligations. Things will slowly break you down, if you let them. But you have got to be in tune enough to know when that time is coming. I thought about driving off TWICE last week and heading to the water, but I remembered I had a vacation coming! This was followed by a strange feeling,  it was the feeling of wanting to punch EVERYTHING in the face... my work computer, every piece of clothing in my closet, strangers in the grocery store, the ragweed in the air.... EVERYTHING!  So, I took the day off yesterday.... a pre-vacay of sorts.

So before you kick a koala or punt a puppy. GO SOMEWHERE! No excuses... drop the kids off, have a talk with your S.O. about the need for some ME time.... and take a day... for the betterment of yourself and society.