Wednesday, October 31

What a Difference a Day Makes

I lost his smile for just a day...
I thought I lost his heart
I lost his sunshine for a day
I thought we'd fallen apart
I lost his attention for a day
And I thought that he had gone away
What courage and strength a day takes
What ample time for mistakes
What spells & voodoo a day breaks
What a difference a day makes

I only cared about me for a day
What had I done wrong or right
No thought to where he might be for a day
Whether he walked in the dark or the light
Focused on only me for a day
Worried that I had caused him to stray
What claims a conflicted heart stakes
What fears and anxieties a day wakes
What balm for imaginary heartaches
What a difference a day makes.

Twenty four hours ago,
I thought I'd lost my mind
Twenty for hours ago,
I didn't know what I would find
As the day went by
I had to try
To figure out why
Things went awry
Between he and I...
Twenty four hours ago
I thought it was done although
I did not think, I did not know
There was no place else he wanted to go

What a difference

Monday, October 29

Breakfast Butterflies

Almost every morning for about two weeks it seems I have had butterflies in my stomach. Butterflies that have only been relieved by one person. Who have I become?

I haven't been this worried about someone liking me since middle school. I had developed a "who cares" attitude for so long. I forgot what it was like to CARE! Now, I constantly hope this good feeling he gives me never goes away. I feel stupid for it because he's so far away.

I hadn't seen him in years, but when I did... I was drawn to him and since that day, I have had butterflies. Anxiety, worry, regret, tension, excitement... what is it? I don't know what to say or do about it.

I hope relief comes soon... I hope this weekend... I hope.

Thursday, October 25

Ciroc, I bid you ADIEU!

It is with a melancholy disposition and a heavy heart that I end my 4+ year with that sexy bottle of grapety goodness! Ciroc has been there through the good times and the bad! It has mingled with Ting on the sunny shores of Runaway Bay. It has fueled some of the best "family" dinner conversations (Shout out to the dysfunctional family dinner crew: Twanks, Faye, Tam, Scotty, Ra, Sam & Crown!). It has made my birthday both memorable & unmemorable as it erased my memory the next day. It has been the source of much controversy as empty-handed hoes would approach me & my infamous picnic purse looking for a taste of the smooooooooothness. It has clinked around in the purses of the girls on outlet shopping missions in outer reaches of Maryland & VA. It has counseled and consoled lovesick hearts. It has even taken part in the Twanks & Bri Virtual Slumber Party of '07.

As I think back to the bottle that we crushed in a matter of 30 minutes at Penang for Crown's birthday... just me, Twanks, RE, Ra & Crown, I smile & laugh at how that whole day went down in history: 3 parties, in 3 different parts of the metro (and not so metro) area. I think back to the pic of Ra flexing among a MYRIAD of emptied Ciroc bottles at Ra & Shawn's Bat Cave. And that crazy night @ Pearl where Scotty took a break from the mic to take a shot directly from the T's bottle.

I know you are wondering WHY was this drink so important. It was important because those you see named above are like a dysfunctional family & Ciroc has brought us together for some good good times.

Now I am sure you are wondering WHY I am bidding it a fond farewell. BECAUSE SEAN COMBS HAS DECIDED TO HELP MARKET THE BRAND! With a 50/50 share in the profits over several years, I'm not making that fool any richer with MY hard earned dollars. He is shady, shiesty & already way too rich to now want or need to get on the Ciroc bandwagon with the likes of MY broke (in comparison to him) ass. Just yesterday the girls were discussing how repulsed they are by his gallavanting about town schmoozing & boozing and showing off all the while leaving poor talented artists virtually penniless in his wake. And I open my beloved Express this morning & see his bucked grin holding MY BRAND. IS NOTHING SACRED? © T

I won't be one of those celebrity hangers-on that gleams proudly as some rapper talks about "When the Ciroc is in ya system..." Instead, I will stare blankly at the johnny-come-latelies cheering & holding up their glasses, proud to drink what Puffy drinks because Puffy drinks it & I will say "SHAME ON YOU"! Followers, sheep, WHORES! Willing to do whatever it takes to get close to a celeb.

Meanwhile, the family is on a mission to find a newer, better, smoother, growner & sexier vodka to take its place. To my homeboy Jimmy in NC, I apologize for exposing you to the beauty of a Ciroc buzz only to abandon it a month later. But know that this is all Puffy's fault. I promise you, when our search ends & we have officially found our new-new... I will not only call & let you know, I will personally drive a bottle down there to you if you can't find it at the ABC Store.

*sigh* Ciroc has fallen victim to hip-hop "culture" and will now be on the tables of perpetrating "ballers" fresh out of jail or off the corner. DAMN YOU, CIROC for selling out.

BTW, does anyone even DRINK Courvosier anymore??? UGH!

Thanks for the memories...

Monday, October 22

I have something to say!

I have 2 things I really want to get off my chest, but I can't. These things are probably the nearest & dearest issues to my heart right now. So, instead of spelling it ALLLLL out... I will just make 2 brief observations. I hope you understand.

The Thin Line Between Jealousy & Disappointment

When you see a woman you know being well taken care of by some man. You can't help but to be a little bit jealous especially when no one is taking care of you. Here you are working hard & providing for yourself. And then there is someone else that seems to be making all the wrong choices with unfaltering support from some man. All the while, you can't help but be disappointed in this person. How can you in good conscience be a kept woman & not want to do a thing for yourself? Their lack of motivation to get up get out & get something makes you feel like maybe YOU have it wrong & THEY have it right.

Somebody Else's Guy

When it comes to relationships, I am a STRONG believer in believing. When things are right, they just are. Conflicts are much easier to deal with and conversation flows like a stream... easy, quiet, tranquil, relaxing. When you envision the "one" you don't often see probation records, ex-wives, bad credit, baby mamas, living at home. When you envision the one, you don't think: "Oh he will have this obstacle I will have to overcome in order to be with him." Silly me, I want to be my husband's first wife and the first to bear his child (YES, I just said that, don't judge me!). But it seems like my dreams are just that, because when I awake, the reality is... more & more men have ex-wives, current wives, children. It leads me to wonder if those things on my IDEAL list are falling out of fashion & favor. Maybe I need to modify, or make exceptions... or not.

Tuesday, October 9

I HATE that I Love New York Too

*standing solemnly & introducing myself*
My name is Bri Cooley & I am an Urealaholic. I am currently actively DVRing 4 reality shows & anxiously awaiting the new season of Project Runway. Last night, I Love New York joined my DVR series recording list and is kept company by the "reality" shows America's Next Top Model, Hell's Kitchen, and Beauty and the Geek. All shows that use regular people, they have now started calling them unscripted shows because they have gotten MUCH less real & more ridiculous!

Speaking of MORE ridiculous, I watched ILNY2 in shock & awe last night as more men signed on to act the fool all in the name of 15 minutes of fame. I was disappointed, and attracted all at once... the paradox of life as a semi-socially concious Black woman & also a student of the human psyche. Whatever the dumb hoes real name is, Tiffany something or other & her "mother" (who ALMOST looked female last night [not to be confused with feminine]) were all dressed up with no place to hoe last night. There were a few viable options, let's review, shall we?

- Wolf... This isn't a great picture of him, but his introduction to NY was about the size of his member... Based on what I have HEARD about skinny men, he may not be lying...

- It.. again NOT a great picture, but he is tall, handsome, pretty lips, kinda thick and DUMB as a box of rocks... I'm SOLD!

- Midget Mac... he had more swagger than anyone in the house. Mimi & I were drawn to him. He's a keeper!

- Pretty... YES LAWD! I SAY YES LAWD! I hope this appearance doesn't affect his legal career, but I am so SO glad he was chosen. Mm mm mmmmmmmm!

Let me just say that New York is as fake as they come. She delivers her lines like SHE can't even believe them... always semi-smiling & looking like a muppet...

The low lights of the night were:

* NY's "mother" SCREAMING when she saw Midget Mac, bych grow up!
* TailorMade paying people BIG money to spend time with NY
* It kissing and licking on NY's shoulder... this made me feel some kind of way... woooooow!
* Ma'Ma' (ManMan) & Milliown arguing over absolutely nothing for MINUTES upon minutes!
* Champion leaving with NY's "mother"
* NY's "mother" looking almmost like a female human life form

I also watched the Hip Hop Dishonors, but I left my notes @ home so you will get my FULL review this evening... and I will warn you I MISSED Lupe's FIASCO because I fell asleep for part of it & then switched to BOONDOCKS for the last part. BUT I did see Whodini's old asses out ther doing it up... That one dude hasn't aged much at all, with his dancing self!


Friday, October 5

More Words I Wish I had Written

Just read it!

Crush- Zhane
I needed sunshine in my days
Something to wash away the pain
I saw a very gentle side of him
That took my heart and made it sing
I wish he'd run away and hide with me
Love hurts so much more than it seems
There was one thing I didn't show
I love him and he doesn't know

I wonder if I ever see the day
Will I ever find the nerve to say
I love you
And will he turn around, walk away
Will he leave or will he stay
If I tell him

Could he be the one who was in my dreams
Could he be the one sent down for me
There was one thing I failed to show,
I love him and he doesn't know

Have you ever loved somebody
Secretly loved somebody who didn't know
Have you fell in love with somebody
Deeply loved somebody who didn't know

I love him and he doesn't know me
I love him and he doesn't know
There was one thing I didn't show, babe
I love him and he doesn't know

There is the fantasy, the reality & the emotion... All there & all real in her mind and I don't know if sometimes it's better to keep it there because the reality can be something you would rather not face.

Wednesday, October 3

"A Little Romance... just a little bit says..."


I logged onto my BELOVED Google Talk this AM to find one of my boys had a very abrasive status message: So you've never been romanced, and now I'm suppsoed to be prince charming??? O.....KKKKKk..:-/

I had no choice but to confront him. Especially since a few of my closest friends, male AND female, are in relationships that lack that one little thing. What happened to the good old days when romance wasn't something you had to do, it was just something that you just did. Now, it is such a CHORE... calling to say hello on a day you were supposed to be busy, picking up some flowers on the way over, surprising them with lunch at work when you are in the area. These things should be easy because it's not about being lovey dovey, it's about showing someone they are cared about & appreciated. This goes for both sexes.

So before I totally went off, I asked him to explain his message. He says that he and a friend were discussing how she now wants/needs some romance in her life. And he can't seem to understand how at 27 she is just discovering that. My response was, I know 27 year old males that still don't know what romance IS, so she may have always known this was what she wanted but had been forced to abandon the idea because no one she had been attracted to thus far knew what it was. I suggested that she was telling him what she wanted & if he chose to proceed without acknowledging that or making some attempt at such he was doing them both a disservice because that is how she ended up romanceless thus far.

I let him know I was not appreciative of the tone of his message as if romance was a foreign, outdated, or despicable concept. He says because he is in a mood at present, he just wasn't feeling it, but that he may consider it. It's strange because, if this were a woman explaining this to a man she would be considered bitter. But what is it called when the tables are turned?

I suggested he get himself together and stop taking his issues out on innocent people via Google Talk. His replacement message was a little more self-actualizing, but still had a hint of lemon. I hope he works whatever it is out and stops forcing me to get all worked up so damn early in the morning! He got my pressure up I need to go eat a banana!