Thursday, September 13

#DontDoThis- Setup, Stand Up, Shut Up



So, before I begin, the answer to all of your "Girl, why?"s is "Because why not." The answer to all your "Girl, what?"s is "Chiiiiile, Iowno."
Related image

So I was doing my dating app rotation after a particularly harrowing experience with a faceless man who solicited me on a dating app that apparently is teeming with ne'er-do-wells, degenerates and toothless male nurses. But thanks to that app I now know what P2P means... *shudders* But I digress. So I had closed 2 accounts and reopened Plenty of Trash.  My approach this time was different. I was blocking from the first message. If my spidey senses tingled looking at your profile, you got blocked. So enter the municipal worker. His intro message was funny despite the lack of subject-verb agreement: "If you was a vegetable, you'd be a cutecumber." I had never heard that one before and it made me chuckle. I go through his profile. It's pretty blah. Lots of pics in his work uniform. So I respond. We chat a little. I suggest he remove the pic of him shirtless in his work vest that he claims was "sexy" (I assured him it was not!) He actually removed it. A man that can take a suggestion, huh? He doesn't say anything vile, disgusting or off-putting so I give him the burner number.

Fast forward a few days of texting and short phone calls. He keeps asking weird questions that are struggle love adjacent like "would you date a dude with no car?" and when I say "NO!" he tells me that's messed up. Spidey senses activated. He says he wants to go out Friday night. I say ok. I suggest the seafood spot, he asks about the soul food place, I tell him about Bonchon. He's never heard of it. He looks it up and has no idea what anything on the menu is besides chicken and fries. As a foodie, I was concerned. He asks, "What's buhlaaahjee?" I reply, "You mean, bulgogi?" Him, "Yeah, what's that?" I explain, he seems hesitant. Spidey senses tingle. He mentions having been to the fast food pollo place nearby. Spidey senses tingle more.

Friday comes. He's been texting me all damn day. We are on the phone around 6:30 and we're supposed to meet around 8. He's complaining about an issue depositing his check. I'm a full-blown spider now! I tell him that it sounds like he's not going to be able to go out tonight. He insists he's good to go. This spider has decided to build a web. He says he is going to charge his phone and let me know when he's on the way. I call around 7:45 and no answer. I was already on my way to the Thai spot down the street because my mama didn't raise no fool. I ate well and went home.

The next morning I am texting with another guy who tries to pull that whole "send me a pic". I tell him if he wants to see me, set something up. He then asks me to meet him at a popular brunch spot  in an hour. (Actionsssss!) So I am in the bathroom getting ready and my phone rings. I run into the room and answer without looking at the number. Dumb! It's the municipal worker. Dammit, Bri! He says good morning like nothing happened. Me, "Nah. This is not ok." He starts pleading his case. He fell asleep and had 20 missed calls and his roommate (please get your answers to the what or why above) woke him up at midnight to ask if he went out because the $20 he loaned him was still on the coffee table. Yes, you read that right. I said "nah" again and he puts me on hold because his child's mother is calling. I hang up immediately and continue to get ready for an actual date. He calls again and texts. I ignore.

I am driving down the street and decide to listen to the voicemail. Yes, he left one. He's pleading his case and promising me he will make it up to me. Tells me we can go get seafood or anything I want (remember that, it's important). His text is pleading in a similar way. I call back. (please get your answers to the what or why above). He's swearing he will make it up to me. He apologizes. He tells me he will bring me breakfast. I tell him I'm not even home. He asks if I eat crabs because his roommate told him about a seafood carryout with a dozen crabs for $20. I tell him I have plans for the rest of the day. Plus how you offer seafood as a makeup then think someone is going to want $20 crabs? Then he says he will send me lunch money. I almost slowed down on the highway, y'all. Me, "You know what, Imma let you do that." I get off the phone with him. I go on my date, have a great time, attend my meeting and head home to write my paper that is due the next day. I get a text at nearly 1130 saying he's not sure how to use the app. SIR! I ignore it. 20 minutes later, there's money in my Cash app. I cashed that thing out so QUICK!

We talk a little on Saturday and Sunday. I was busy most of the day writing my paper. But he did call me Sunday and told his son to say "hi" to me. Yes, he did. No, I did not respond. I pretended I didn't know his son was talking to me because, sir, what are you doing?

So here's where it really gets weird. He texts me at 6:01 AM on Monday. I respond as I am on the  way to work. He calls. Apologizes again for Friday and asks if I want to go to the movies that night. Mind you the web has been built already. He texts me throughout the day. I ask if we are still on for the movies and he says yes. I tell him what I want to see and the times it is playing near me. The next time it's playing is 7 something after discovering the 9 something is actually a 10:35 movie... nope. As I am heading home, he starts with the bull. It was so much, I may forget something so let me give y'all the exact screenshots.


Not sure what was said in that outgoing call, but I am sure he still said he wanted to go to the movies....


one screenshot is missing where I say I don't want to go to Buffalo Wild Wings OR TGIFriday (his other suggestion). He says he's not really feeling the movies, let's go bowling.


This is real life. Please note that by the time he was talking about Buffalo Wild Wings, I was already on my way to get some dinner because I peeped his game from the Dollar Tree text. Also note he texted me "Hi" again after that wack excuse at which point I blocked him on my way to another date.

Fellas, tell your homeboys to stop doing all of this. Even if you don't think he's this type, tell them to stop. I know this is such an odd amalgam of ashiness and assholery that seems to only happen to me.... but seriously based on the amount of women I know that have had something remotely similar to this happen, it stands to reason that at least one of your friends is doing this type of foolishness and not telling you about it. So gone on ahead and send out that PSA to stop setting up dates they cannot afford, stop standing women up instead of telling them they cannot make it, and start shutting up when women ask them to leave them alone. 

Signed,
Womankind

Friday, September 7

Back to SKEWL!

Summer is over, y'all!

Over the last few weeks my timeline has been full of pics of my people's kids with their adorable first day of school looks...

Well, here is mine!






I feel JUST like my man Rodney! I am nearing the end of my first quarter in my PhD program and I am asking myself "why is you doing this?" Then I picture the life I want to live int he next few years and get back to the books. Most of my Friday blogging time is spent researching for a class or my dissertation. Ok I'm lying. Most of that time is spent goofing off on FB and pretending to catch up on work that my brain did not have the capacity for during the week. These last 9 weeks have been a test of my patience, organization, and general wherewithal because folks from all aspects have been trying it!

My first week I got into it with a little Miss know-it-all from class. By "got into", I mean she tried to flex her academic pecs (quite poorly, I might add) and I responded with my best academic clapback which included "it would stand to reason" which is academic-speak for "THINK, YOU DUMMY!" From then on, I had only one other incident with her. I know that she was fuuuuming when the professor posted her weekly feedback to the class and I was the onliest one who got praise! I felt like Violet Beauregard when she was talking about her gum-chewing rival:
HI, CORNELIA, HOW ARE YOU, SWEETIE!

There, of course,  have been incidents and run-ins with people's sons not being respectful. This includes somebody's uncle that keeps calling and texting me after refusing to stop referring to me as babygirl, which I asked him to do less than 24 hours before he did it again.



No, you're not missing anything. No, I did not delete my responses. This conversation ended on August 11th when he reluctantly agreed to stop calling me babygirl, strike 1 AND 2. Then doing it again the day we were supposed to go out. Yes, that is a voicemail he left for me sounding as if he was about to file a missing persons report. *sigh*

Lastly, I have some big news! *drumroll* Ok, I lied. Life has been pretty boring and I have been doing my best to avoid undue stress which is why I haven't watched the news in over 2 months. I see what comes across my timeline and I will stop at my co-worker's door to briefly glimpse at CNN, but I no longer tune into the local AM or PM news and listen to the endless cycle of TURRBLENESS that spews forth from this administration. It's been so peaceful! I am on vacation from the world,  y'all... the whole, wide world. Bubble life!
credit: http://shannoneileenblog.typepad.com/.a/6a0120a5c8d9a9970c013488242c9f970c-pi?_ga=2.109488901.1282162731.1536350116-799813132.1536350116

That picture is the perfect visual for how I have been feeling. I have stepped my trolling game up on my own page. I now just repost anti-patriarchal/ misogyny messages from other sources without comment and step back to see what color they gonna put on the wall like Miss Celie. Several folks have unfriended me over the weeks! And to that I say: "Oh well, they're lost!" (misspellings intentional... that's FB speak lol)

In the meantime, in between time, I have been showered with love and support from my friends and family. And for that, I am eternally grateful. This weekend I will be holed up in the house or maybe at my fave workspace busting out a paper where I am the subject. It was threatening to cause me existential crisis, but instead, I chilllllled. 

Y'all keep fighting the good fight and love on your peoples!


Monday, August 13

This Ain't The Walking Dead, Sir

Hey, listen. First, let's agree The Walking Dead has been trash for several years. The plot is a mess & the zombies' actions are inexplicable and inconsistent. (remember that, it's important!)

Now, let's talk about zombies. Relationship zombies. These are the people who come back from the dead after relationship ghosting (never calling or texting again after being serious for an extended period of time) or blowing up the relationship and themselves along with it and acting as if nothing happened.

Over the past 3 weeks or so, this has happened to me and my ladies SEVERAL times. All these planets in retrograde have y'all out here cutting up! And I will not abide it! Stop doing this. I implore you. In each instance, the woman involved expressed her feelings about the relationship in a way that was calm and direct and in each instance, the dude had in some way faded away without acknowledging the feelings, thrown a tantrum (yes, y'all a tantrum complete with a "you're not my friend anymore"-adjacent response), or acted out so badly there was no sense in trying to set things right.

Sirs, if this is you, I urge you to seek therapy. As I stated in my tweet last week: You cannot keep throwing tantrums or ghosting or acting out and then coming back days, weeks or months later to "check on" her as if you've done no harm. This is not okay. This is not an apology. This is not an acknowledgment of your poor behavior. This is not a kind gesture. This is toxic behavior that only seeks to ease your own mind at someone else's expense.

We cannot continue treating people who mean us no harm poorly and excuse it away because "that's just how I am". A refusal to do the emotional work is a refusal to mature into a healthy, introspective person. An unwillingness to address, apologize for and ameliorate your wrongdoing is an unwillingness to acknowledge that you view the individual as a human being with feelings. This doesn't mean, blow things up now and apologize later. This means admit you have blown things up in the past and you are going to seek therapy to prevent the situation from happening again.

So to the relationship zombies that refuse to stay dead, if you must reach out to someone let that someone be a therapist. Otherwise, please cease & desist.

Tuesday, August 7

#DontDoThis- Foot and Furniture Foolishness




Y'all I'm a day late, but here we go... (All caps in this story are because I am, in fact, YELLING!) 
You would think that with the last date I posted about and the story I am about to relay that I:
A- am LYING... I can't blame you cuz if this stuff had not happened to me, I would think I was lying too!
2- would STOP going to this spot altogether... cuz PEOPLE!

So here's the scene: I'm at my neighborhood hangout/work space... I cannot do school work from home because I am too tempted to do EVERYTHING else. I had been there since 11 AM working on a paper that was due the next day. It's about 5 PM, I'm sitting on the far left side of the couch minding my business. There is one girl in the second chair on the left side of the LARGE table reading a book. The couch facing me is empty, the chaise to the right of me is empty (remember that it's important).

I am on the final section of a 7 page paper that was 0 pages at the beginning of the day, when it happens... this lady walks in, walks by the 2 empty couches and flops down next to me. I looked at her like "why, ma'am?" She smiles at me and says she just needs to plug in her laptop. The power strip my laptop was plugged into was behind me to the left. She was sitting to the right. It was at this time I pointed to the empty couch to the right and informed her there was an outlet on the floor directly in front of that couch. She made a huge dramatic event out of "looking" for this giant metal circle in the floor similar to you instructing a toddler to hand you something directly in front of them & they are looking leaning over and looking past it repeating "Where? Wherrrrrre? Whhheeere?" She does not take the hint and begins to unpack her things anyway. If you know nothing else about me, know that my ignore game is strong, my observational skills are stronger and my foolery detector is even strongerer. So while I wasn't responding to her, I saw and heard what was going on and I could feeeeeeel something brewing.

My paper was on exploring sexuality at middle age and I had one of the articles on full display on my laptop screen. She leaned over and said: "Excuse me," I took my headphones out of one ear and look at her with a blank face, "I don't mean to be nosy..." (TOO LATE!) "but are you writing a book?" I tell her in the driest, I'm-not-here-to-people voice I can muster that I am writing a paper that is due tomorrow. I cut her one last lemme lone look and turn back to my paper. She is officially on my watchlist now. The girl to my left looks up at her & then back down at her book.

The waiter comes over and she asks him for hot water and lots of sugar. Yes, she did what you think she did. As the waiter walked away she pulled some Royal Cup tea packets out of her bag. She was about to start making her own tea! This is when her cavalcade of foolishness commenced.
Tea bags and Tea labels - Royal Cup - Orange Pekoe and Pekoe Cut Black Tea

The waiter returns with a mug of hot water and a handful of sugars. She balks! She reaches over to MY KETTLE and says "I want one of these!" and holds it up.  At this point I was convinced she was dealing with a mental health issue because who does any of this? I was done with the thing anyway, but SERIOUSLY!?!? The waiter says okay & hands her the sugars. She hands him the brown sugar packets that were in the container on the table and tells him he can take them. He informs her he has to leave them on the table. He leaves to get her kettle. The girl to my left look up at her & then back down at her book. I keep typing FURIOUSLY to complete this paper, because.... When the waiter returns with the kettle, she demands a plate and a spoon. But she says it as if she was insulted that he would not provide her a full tea service- kettle, mug, napkin, & lemon on a plate- for her tea that she likely took from her job's kitchen. The girl to my left looks up at her & then back down at her book. I continue typing.
Finally satisfied, she picks up her laptop which she still hasn't PLUGGED IN, Y'ALL! And she pulls out THIS book:

Image result for rebuilding what the enemy almost destroyed
Here's part of the blurb from Amazon on this unreviewed book: "You're surrounded by ruined dreams and shattered aspirations. Enemies attack you from without and within. Welcome to Nehemiah's world. This humble servant of God fought against overwhelming odds and prevailed. In Rebuilding What the Enemy Almost Destroyed Pastor Paul Sheppard shares practical insights for rebuilding your life and reclaiming peace and joy. Paul Earl Sheppard has been preaching since his teens and has been in pastoral ministry since 1982."

Prior to her arriving, a friend of mine had joined me and we had 2 laptops, 2 phones, tea service and food spread out on this side of the table. After I turned the brightness down on my phone screen- because she was obviously watching what I was doing- and started texting said friend, I noticed that the space on my side of the table was decreasing. At one point my phone was nearly resting on her book. It was time to go! But I was putting the finishing touches on the paper and did not want to stop working because I knew when I went home it was a wrap for doing any work.

The waiter came back and she finally ordered some food. Before he could even get her order down, she says to him in the same annoyed voice she's been speaking to him in this whole time, "Utensils! Please!" The girl to my left looked up at her & then back at her book. A few minutes go by and the lady seems to be chilling. Then out of the blue, I heard her say, "You know, I was thinking...."  to no one in particular. I think she THOUGHT she was talking to me, but I refused to take my eyes off my screen. She never finished her statement and I never acknowledged her. 

Just as I had gotten back in my groove, she took her shoes off! Y'ALL! Y'ALL! Y'AAAALLLLLLLUH! And as if that wasn't bad enough, she swung her feet around, BRUSHED MY LEG as she tucked her feet under her on the couch! The devil on my left shoulder was like, "OH, TELL HER YOU NOT HERE FOR THE GAMES! She over here playin in your FACE!" The angel on my right shoulder told me to show compassion, so I only gave her the death glare. She laughed it off and said something akin to "I got you, girl!" (huh?) but did not say excuse me. The  girl to my left looked up at her &  then back down at her book. IT WAS TIME TA GO! I started typing up the last sentences of my conclusion as she pulled a large scarf from her bag, flung it out near me & tucked herself in like she was finna take a nap! Mind you there were still two empty couches one of which was a CHAISE LOUNGE! She could've gotten as comfortable as she pleased on ANY of them. I was thinking this is a test... this is a test! She moved around a bit & her feet touched me again. The devil on my left shoulder was screaming: "CUSS HER OUT! CUSS THIS BIH OUT!" The angel on my right shoulder was whispering softly: "Where is your empathy? You're a therapist. Remain calm." I was on the highest of alerts by now but I had to finish. Or DID I? 

Spoiler alert: I didn't! Right as I was about to start the reread, y'all she started laughing to herself. And not softly. The girl to my left looked up at her & back down at her book. Something in that laugh caused the angel and the devil to be on one accord as they both screeeeeamed in my ear: "GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!" I hit Ctrl+S on my keyboard and slammed my computer shut.  I reached over to unplug my computer and shoved everything down in my bag. I slid past the girl on my left  and walked out without looking back.

The next day, I am telling the story and my sister's friend asks me what she looked like. I described her and she asks me about a very particularly noticeable feature. I confirm. She tells me that she has seen her before laughing and talking to herself in other public places. 

Monday, I am go back to the restaurant because I pretty much live there now. As my friends and I are wrapping up dinner at one of the tables by the door, she walks in! She goes over to the couch & sits in the exact spot I was in on Saturday, leaves her shoes on and works quietly. My friends looked at me like I was lying about that being her. She left before we did and as she was leaving, I looked down but saw her smile and wave at my friend. Y'all, I think she just wanted her seat! 


Friday, July 20

Don't Do This- Detrimental Dating Decorum

Y'all! I went on a date Sunday with a dude that flew in from the midwest. When he first reached out to me online it said he was in Baltimore which was already a "maybe" for me because me & men from Baltimore just shouldn't, EVER!

I show his pic to a friend and she says she knows of him. She gives me his full name and I look him up on the 'Book and see that he is not in Baltimore at all. I ask my friend about it and she confirms he is not from Baltimore and even checks his page for me to see if he maybe moved or something. She tells me he seems cool, but that he has said things that may raise a yellow flag. I ask him about where he lives and he tells me he is actually in the midwest and I'm all, no thanks I don't do long distance. And he's all not respecting my wishes like: "I can fly to you!" (remember that, it's important). So, I give him my burner number, because safety. He texts and calls and I'm not really feeling any kind of way about him. He mentions coming to the area and I told him that I was leaving town for nearly a week that week. He says we can do dinner on that Sunday. I say okay and then totally forget until he tells me he landed. OOPSIE!

He asks me where I want to meet. I tell him and I guess he looked up the address and said that would work. He calls me just before we are supposed to meet and asks to push the time back an hour. The spot is right near me so I am fine with it and laze about in the bed for another 30 minutes. I get to the spot and I am seated already when he walks in. I knew he was a big guy, but his pics underrepresented his size. I'm not trying to fat shame so I'm going to leave it at that. The important thing is that his shirt was terribly wrinkled. He sits down and we start chatting and looking over the menu. This spot has typical restaurant fare as well as vegan and vegetarian options. He looks over the menu and asks: "What kind of place did you bring me to?" I looked at him with the WTH? face.

He is asking me if I'd been on any good dates. I tell him no and tell him about the dude that didn't order anything and laughed when the bill came and I asked if I was supposed to pay. But in the middle of the story, the waitress comes by and he interrupts me to flag her down. He asks her for cheese fries, y'all! This isn't TGI Friday or Chili's! There aren't any cheese fries on the menu. But he makes her bring him fries and cheese sauce without asking me if I wanted an appetizer. The waitress (who had the same name as me) looked at me and gave me the quick eyes wide look. I shot her a IDK face and she walked away to put in his order. He then turns to me and says "Sorry, go ahead. I just needed to order something to take the edge off." Y'all. Y'all!

During this time, I apologize profusely about using my phone and explain to him that I am the point of contact for the trip the next day and people are messaging me and texting me about it. That was false! I was giving my aforementioned friend a blow by blow because I was truly disturbed. So we continue talking and I ask him what brings him to the area. Mind you we had this discussion that I was not going to be in town that week. And he also said he had a cousin here or something. His reply this time was: "I came to see you." But I definitely asked him before he arrived why he was coming and that was not what he said the first time.  He followed up with: "Because I knew you weren't going to come see me." The snark in his voice almost flipped my bitch-switch. Remember when I told you that I already told him that I don't do long distance relationships and he walked right on around that? Yeah, so this hint of sarcasm in his reply was frustrating to say the least.

Baked Cajun Catfish and Easy Collard GreensThe waitress comes to take our order and I get the catfish. (See what I did there?) He says he'll have the same. The waitress then informs him that the catfish is not deep fried. She glances at me, I say I know. He is not pleased with that. He's all oh no no no, let me get a burger then. As he's looking at the burgers, the waitress describes the lamb burger to him as an option. He looks disgusted and says: "That must be some east coast stuff." I say: "Actually it's Mediterranean." He says: "That's even farther east!" The waitress gives me the "Oh, girl!" look. I look down at my phone. He orders a burger with pickles only and a side of mayo. Then he asks the waitress what sides they had. She runs through them and he asks about mashed potatoes and gravy. She tells him TWICE they don't have gravy. He then resigns himself to the idea of ordering more fries. At this point, he tells me about his adoration for potatoes and runs through a list of his faves like Bubba in Forrest Gump. (That part may not have actually happened like that, but by this time I felt like I was in a movie or on Punk'd or something, so my mind may have added that particular part to the story.) The food comes and his table manners are atrocious. I'm ready to go home, but that catfish was some kinda good.

The bill comes and I'm sitting there with my arms folded. He reads this as me hoping he pays the bill and jokes about it. In my head I'm like I spent 3 digits in a steakhouse on Friday just because, aint nobody worried about who finna pay for your cheese fries! He says something about me sending him an evaluation of the date because dating is his craft. SIR? SIR! Sir...... I groan out an "Oh, really?" That's when it happened.... He starts talking about women going into hiding and coming out around 40 trying to get married. I tell him that I was not hiding. He says you're not 40. I say I will be next year. He's confused because he thought I was younger. He says oh well, I know you are trying to have a baby REAL soon. Me: No, I'm not. I can't have children. *death stare* Him: what about adoption or in vitro? Y'all! I tell him I am not going to talk about this with you and tell him I am ready to leave. He offers to walk me to my car. As we are walking to my car he asks why I parked so far. Y'all, it was the actual parking lot for the restaurant. I chose to park there instead of on the street. As I am walking to the car, he cuts across the street instead of walking to the corner without telling me. I am standing at my car with my hand on the handle and he reaches in to awkwardly give me a hug. I get in the car and he walks off. I never bothered to correct him on his behavior because I could tell he was not the type to comprehend his shortcomings. (remember that, it's important)

I call my friend immediately and recount the date. She is horrified and apologetic because she thought his yellow flag posts were just to get people talking. But apparently he believes his own bull. As I am heading into the house my friend says: "Girl, he just posted about you!" and sends me this screenshot:
Y'ALL!
1- what "rule" is this???
B- How oblivious do you have to be to not think that your personality and decorum on the date was the catalyst and not some imaginary lack of manners?

She watched the post and sent me some replies for entertainment purposes. I really started to send the screenshot to him, but realized he was not worth it. She and another mutual friend tried to get him to self-reflect but he was not having it!

Then the next day he posts that he will soon be crowning the last woman standing. Whomever she is, God bless her because he is a PHILISTINE!

Friday, July 6

Superhero, Super Strength, Super Over It!

THANK YOU, Therese Patricia Okoumou!

In an era of thumb thugging and social media activism, Therese put her body on the line. She kicked the Abolish ICE protest up a notch on July 4th and thousands (probably millions) missed the point. People admonishing her for disrupting people's good time pretending that the Statue of Liberty was still the beacon of hope in the harbor it used to be. As it stands now, in this current state of America, Lady Liberty is a liar. People being separated from their children for seeking asylum. People being deported en masse. People who believed in the promise of the United States are having their beliefs shattered... natural born citizens included.

One African immigrant brought international attention to this. and for that she was both deified and vilified. And honestly, I am tired of it. Women of color have been stepping up to the plate, saying what needs to be said, doing what needs to be done and either left on a pedestal alone or knocked down, beaten and tossed under the bus by the very people for whom they were fighting (See Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and The Honorable Maxine Waters). I'm over it.

Throughout my life I have been the voice of what everyone was thinking. But time and again I was met with fake shock that I would say that and once I even remember a room full of people actually looking away when I said what we had already agreed needed to be said. I'm over it.

In the shadow of this event, a black male veteran of these United States chastised women for "being naked" in the midst of a heatwave with indexes upwards of 100 degrees. He basically said they deserved to be disrespected because apparently "being naked" in the midst of  a heatwave is an open invitation. In his mind, there is no weather warm enough to warrant bandeaus and booty shorts. Black women should use their super strength to bear the heat in more clothes and if they do not, they should use that super strength to defend themselves in the face of harassment because he was not coming to your rescue. this vet who fought for freedom made it clear it did not include the freedom to dress as you please and be able to do so without harassment. I'm over it.

As always, this is not what I intended to write on so this may be all over the place but let me say this:
Black women are not your superheroes. Black women are tired of saving your day, speaking your piece and being left to take the heat alone. Black women are tired of advocating for people's rights, taking stands against the system and being told we will not be protected. I'm over it.

Please note that Therese's protest was not a "planned" part of the Abolish ICE demonstration as the other protesters were quick to point out.... also, this is not Therese's first protest in the name of discrimination!

THANK YOU, Therese Patricia Okoumou!

Friday, June 15

Discernment, Intuition, Self-Sabotage & GI Joe

I have always felt that I have both the gift of discernment and can be quite intuitive as it relates to other people. I was always able to tell my friends upon meeting a new person: "I don't like them, not sure why." And later it would come out that the person was actually a pile of garbage wearing nice clothes. But for the life of me, I could not figure out why I couldn't use it on myself. As it turns out, I can! Yaaaaay! But they only alert me to negative situations. Boooo! - Another fine "Yay! Boo! Moment brought to you by My Life



For instance, the day I told my friend about this guy that was pursuing me, Jazmine Sullivan's Let It Burn was playing and I picked up on it at the chorus. (Call me crazy but I think I found the love of my life). Fast Forward a few months later, he and I are riding in awkward silence and the song comes on again in his car. I'd been feeling like it was the beginning of the end but I had been praying for clarity. So when it came on I'm thinking why THIS song at THIS moment? Knowing what I know now, I realize it was a bookend.

Then there was the guy that every time I would see him, I'd have butterflies in my stomach. I thought it was excitement! Turns out the butterflies were telling me: Molly, you in danger, girl!

I used to be the Queen of cut and run. Not ghosting. But any sign of uncertainty from someone's son and I was like: I'm good, luv. Enjoy! I am sure somewhere among my various blogs here and on Myspace I talk about being a self-saboteur. I was so terrified of looking dumb or getting played in my mid-20s that I was playing defense so hard to the point I was playing offense as well. I made a conscious effort to be more patient, understanding and open.... Y'all can read back through these blogs and see how that turned out.

So, while I'm no longer planning to actively sabotage. I am definitely going to trust my gut more often. While it sucks to think that my gifts are currently only honed to sniff out trouble, at least now I know....