Thursday, January 28

He Doesn't Mean Any Harm

Recently the issue of adult females being assaulted by adult males they have turned down has come up a LOT! It is a thing that many adult females I know have dealt with in some way. I have been discussing it on my FB page. MOST adult males I know have been silent. However, the ones who are not have said things that have caused me to look at them and me differently. There are some woman-hating, man-centered things that are so deeply ingrained in folks' everyday way of thinking that they cannot even accept ANYTHING else.

Many of these adult males have said some terrible things along the lines of: Do you know what assault is? Why can't you just tell a guy you don't feel like smiling? And my personal favorite- If you don't protect yourself with a taser, then you will be a victim. These are all paraphrases but speak to the character of these adult males. It has shocked and appalled many of my female and male friends alike. "Who are these people you know?" has been a resounding sentiment. And all I can think is who ARE these people?

People that believe it is more important to tell an adult female how to protect themselves from an adult male than to tell their adult male friends to chill out. Some of them, in fact, are probably the exact adult males that need to be told to chill out! But instead, they want to tell me how not to get killed by someone I have turned down. Be nicer, smile, carry a taser, don't stay out late, walk in pairs back to back, wear more clothes and less makeup. Okay, I exaggerated those last 2 to make a point... This is ridiculous. Instead of fixing the issue we as adult females must adapt to it? Because you can't control what another adult male does? (another paraphrase of the ridiculousness I have read this year alone). But somehow you think you can control what an adult female does and if she does not do what YOU think she should, she deserves what is coming to her. Because you as an adult male know best how to be an adult woman in this world. Or maybe you know best how to handle your type.

On the flipside, there are adult males that have liked my posts. Agreed. Changed their perspectives. And for that I am eternally grateful. There are even some that have debated adult males on the subject. And THAT is where it gets sad again. You can have 100 adult females say they have been assaulted by someone they knew and thought they could trust and NOT pressed charges. But you as an adult male come in and argue with these adult females until another adult male steps in.

Many more adult males need to tell their homeboys to chill. Until they see the problem as more than "that b**ch is trippin..." adult females will continue to be assaulted by men with fragile egos and unstable emotions and still be questioned as to why they were out so late without their children. Or why they didn't run faster than the bullet.

All of these conversations have led me to realize that I have witnessed my male friends do things to strangers that were not ok. If we are friends and you get a little frisky with ME, it's okay. I have strange boundaries with my friends, but they are my friends because they KNOW those boundaries. If they do not, we ain't friends and you need to move! THIS is MY prerogative to have who I want in my space. However, the next time I am out and one of my tipsy (or drunk) male friends pushes up on a woman I need to also step in and tell him that's not ok. Even if I know he doesn't mean any harm... he is in FACT being harmful. I will not allow friendship to make misogyny okay. And I urge you to do the same.

there will be more on this...

Thursday, November 19

Your Grandmother Can't Cook!

This SHOULD be brief, but here goes.

Let me start off by saying: Your Grandmother can't cook! Just face it, not everybody's grandmother was throwing down in the kitchen. It's statistically impossible. So all of this noise about your grandmother being a better cook than Patti LaBelle needs to cease & desist IMMEDIATELY! I thought after a week the #PattiPie phenomenon would die down & we could all go back to running our business. But noooooooo..... people still all over social media hating or praising the pie with people responding with the opposite reactions in the comments. Here's the thing: SHUT UP ALREADY!  It is time for an intervention.

Dear friends & followed on social media,
Your Patti Pie obsession has affected me in the following ways:

  1. You won't stop talking about putting money in Patti's pocket & then equating it to something dumb. First of all, Patti made her money before her face made it onto the box! You think she waiting on her five cents per pie royalty check? Stop equating it to taking money from Small business, or at home business, or MLM. Going into Walmart & buying a $3.50 pie while you're stocking up on batteries & socks & thumb tacks is NOT THE SAME THING as going to a wine tasting with ONE bottle of whine & 45 minutes of someone convincing you to take a look at their business. 
  2. You eat store bought, pre-made food ALL. OF. THE. TIME! We ALL do! I mean NOBODY doesn't like Sara Lee & nothing comes closer to home than Stouffers. So what is the issue with PATTI'S PIE? I think this one is pretty black and white. *ahem* The same reason you go to the  same carry-out and get talked to like you're crazy cuz the shrimp & broccoli is BOMB. But let the black or brown chick at the soul food spot not smile when she gives you your change and you won't ever go back again. *steps off soap box and kicks it down the street* I'm DONE here!
  3. You only eat whiting! Stop acting like your palette is so refined you know the difference between allspice & cloves. Most folks only know like 3 kinds of fish: Whiting, salmon (in the can usually) & whatever is in the filet-o-fish at McDonald's (it's pollock btw... you're welcome!). Half the folk talkin about it's too much nutmeg in the pie probably read it somewhere & only have Season-All, lemon pepper, and hot sauce in their seasoning cabinet. But since everyone is talkin about Patti pie, you're suddenly a discerning food critic. Please be quiet & go eat your Carl Buddig ham sammige on white bread.
  4. YOUR GRANDMOTHER CAN'T COOK! I have had some of your grandmother's food/recipes and that joint wasn't that great. I mean how is it possible that EVERYONE'S grandmother can cook. I guess everyone knows how to sing too? Stop pretending your grandmother is a better cook than ANYONE. She's not, don't front. Just don't say anything. It's ok NOT to talk when everyone else is. I promise. Some of those plates on Cooking for bae were likely some of y'alls grandma's Sunday dinners. Your granny does NOT throw down and that is OKAY. Patti can & does & you know it. Patti is better than your grandmother at a lot of things... that doesn't mean gram-gram isn't a GREAT person, ok? Patti is not here to take your grandmama's place, no matter how much you secretly wish she could. 

WHEW! I am so glad I got that off my chest! And before you think you are going to come for me. I can indeed bake a mean sweet potato pie! CHECK YOURSELF! If anything I said here hurt you, it's because it's true & it's time for you to do some introspection. 

**As a side note stop acting like you don't have a family member that passes store bought food off as their own. OR the one that you KNOW can't cook & brings store bought food to thanksgiving. It's not an insult, it's a reality. I need folks to be real or BE STILL!

Monday, August 10

Are You Walking in Your Gifting?

I received a call today from someone I respect and admire spiritually, so when they told me that God had placed something on their heart to say to me I LISTENED! Basically they asked me if I was walking in my gifting. I had NO answer and that bothered me.

Not to brag, but I'm pretty good at quite a few things. So which ONE is my gift? I have dabbled in a few things but nothing seemed to STICK. So here I am, wondering what am I supposed to stick with in order to be able to truly say I am walking in my gifting? There's no online quiz that you can take (maybe there is but would you trust it?) that can help you determine what GOD has called you to do.
You have to hear it from Him.

I have too many things crowding out His voice. So it is time to seriously step away from some things and some people. As I am typing this, I have tears in my eyes because, until today, I thought I was going to be able to keep certain things and still prosper. But so much of what I have been dealing with lately- the good and the bad- has been temporary fixes and issues for things that require more than just a Band-Aid. I have to stop rationalizing with myself and realize I may need stitches or even surgery. It will not be an easy journey. It is one I have taken time and again.

Sometimes I hold myself to a high standard in some areas and not in others. I don't know where that came from, but I am going to keep down this path because this blog is for you and for me. I want what I want but I also want to have the moral high ground. Sometimes these things do NOT match up and I convince myself that it is okay. But it is not okay. I say I am not perfect so making mistakes is okay, and it is. But being willfully ignorant, oblivious, and wrong is not. I always say things are not always black and white. There are not only gray areas, but also COLORS.... MILLIONS of colors! And it is in the choosing of those colors that you determine how your life will be viewed. Cool tones, warm tones, grayscale? I feel like I have not been choosing the best colors lately. But luckily, I still have a little time to paint it over. I have time to draw a different path. I have time to upgrade my standards in ALL areas. I have time to proceed in my gifting. But only if I start TODAY & trust the process.

When I was looking for an image to go with this blog, I came across another blog that was over a year old but spoke to this same thing. This blog says that when you are walking in your gift it will just flow... and right now few things are flowing for me which can only mean one thing: Something is clogging it up! Time for me to do some unclogging and uncluttering to get this flow going and hear from God.

Monday, February 9

Grammys SHAMMYS!

Let me just say a few things about the Grammys. Keep in mind I didn't watch because... WHY!??!

  1. All the GOOD awards were given out before the telecast. Shout out to Chick Corea, Dianne Reeves, Robert Glasper and Lalah Hathaway for their awards.
  2. Beck is an artist in every sense of the word. Singer, writer, instrumentalist... ALL of that! "Respect artistry" INDEED!
  3. Kanye is out here on his STANLEY for Bey & she couldn't even come to his monsterpiece of a wedding. 
  4. Someone mentioned about Beyonce talmbout a billion dollars in the elevator and how she could've sent the elevator down for someone else to come up, namely Ledisi. Someone else mentioned that instead of up Ledisi would've gone out. To which I replied, like the Wonkavator, the elevator would have bypassed Bey in the penthouse & shot through the roof altogether!
  5. Beyonce did not bring down na'an' house. I can tell that from the still pics. Ain't no SOUL in there.... you hear me? Ain't. No. Soul.
  6. Because there is no soul in there. It does not surprise me that she ASKED to sing a song she had no business singing to be part of something she had no business being in with no regard for disregarding those that had every reason to be on that stage SANGIN!
  7. The people that vote for the Grammys get it right sometimes i.e. Beck... but more often than not they get it wrong i.e.  pretty much EVERYTHING ELSE THAT WAS BROADCAST!
  8. I'm not here for none of these folkses. And none of these folkses are here for me... And I'm fine with that. I ain't stannin or fannin out, I'm too old for that & so are most folks commenting on the other side of this.
  9. Is it true that Bey ASKED to sing a song that Ledisi had already been acknowledged and applauded for rebirthing, killing, resurrecting, and helping it ascend into the heavens!??! Then Beyonce comes out and is meh to the max wit it? Who ordered the snore pie with yawn sauce?
  10. Why can't Kanye & Bey & them go softly into that good night & give us a chance to miss them? You know how long Sade has been without an album? Do you know that BBD hasn't released new music this MILLENNIUM? Do you know that you can go have a seat somewhere and stop trying to shove your awesome down my throat? Because if you have to do that.... How awesome can you be, REALLY!?!?
In conclusion, the televised Grammys are a sham! *bangs gavel*

Also, I realize there is no Part 2 to my Italy blog.... because... life... so... it's coming if you still care.

Thursday, October 16

Planes, Trains & Automobiles (Part 1: Belgium)

So almost 3 weeks ago, I embarked on a solo journey to Europe to attend a conference. To some people that may not be a big deal, but for me it was an amazing experience that opened my eyes, mind, heart and spirit to the possibility of journeying forth alone. I met up with some professors once I got there, but navigating my way there was just me, my backpack & my nylon purse. I took almost every mode of transportation available and took in every second of it!

My journey began on October 23rd. I departed DC via a $3.25 bus ticket to New York. I arrived in NYC around lunchtime & surprised my friend at work. I was not aware the affect my presence would have on her but that is her story to tell... We chatted for awhile about my trip and she wished me well. I took the train to JFK Airport where I embarked upon an 8 hour plane ride to Brussels, Belgium.

I was between France & Netherlands! photo from:

Brussels Air is a fantastic airline if you are average height! The headrest was NOT for me. Luckily I had a window seat, so I spent most of my time with my head IN the window. Each seat had a tablet on the back and you had movies, shows, music & games from which to choose. I watched several movies but most notably, The Devil Wears Prada both on the way there & home because... why not? They fed us a snack and a meal and another snack... I don't even eat that often at home! I landed in Brussels and had NO idea what to expect. I sat by baggage claim trying to connect to the wi-fi and tell my mom 6 time zones away that I was in Brussels and not kidnapped. (That was her BIG worry).

I traveled by taxi to Grand Place in the early hours of the morning and wandered the streets for a few hours. Here are some pics...

Belgium is home to tons of cartoonists and famous cartoons including THE SMURFS.

. They even have a museum called the Museum of Original Figures...

ANd of course you know I ate GOOOOD! 




And I had a cherry lambic that was EVERYTHING! I hopped the train after about 5 hours in Belgium & was off to Milano.... 

(To be continuuuuuued...)

Wednesday, September 10

All You Gotta Do is Say "YES!"

No matter what you may believe in: one God, many Gods, the universe as one being, WHATEVER... this blog is for YOU!

First, a little background... I woke up one night many years ago and remembered my childhood dream of being a Child Psychologist. I know, I was always a strange child. I had let other people's opinions and my self-sabotage talk me out of pursuing psychology in undergrad. I spent and am still spending my years after working in communications in some form or fashion. But that day I decided to get me some other education. I got my M.A. in Forensic Psychology in 2007. But by the time I was finished the program and started applying for jobs it was apparent I would have to take a pay cut! No thank you. I knew that I had decided to go after this degree for a reason, so I just waited for the opportunity to present itself.

Fast forward to this summer, I am in the midst of pursuing a degree in Mental Health Counseling in order to become a Licensed Professional Counselor and I have been doing pretty well in school (ok VERY VERY well, but I digress). I was invited to join the honor society and I thought that would be the end of my participation in the honor society because I'm busy! I received a sketchy email, with very few details about the opportunity to travel with the honor society overseas. But I just didn't understand the logistics. So after initially saying yes, I did no follow up and chalked it up as a loss. Some 6 weeks or so later, the faculty advisor for the honor society contacts me again and asks if I would like to attend a conference in Italy. I called a few people some of whom told me no because essentially I would be travelling alone. I prayed on it. I asked some questions to the advisor and I prayed on it some more. Checked flights form this area and was like OH NOOOOOOOOOOOOO "DIS TEW MUCH"!
Then after a weekend of conflict in every sense of the word, I got the ok from "the universe": my boss said he didn't mind me leaving at the end of the fiscal year as long as I got my work done, my close friend randomly called and told me to check flights out of NYC.  Lo and behold, flights were $300 cheaper. So, I said "yes".

I called the advisor out of the blue and the more she explains to me about the trip, the more sure I am that this is what I was supposed to do. She mentioned that the person whose name is on the apartment rental would not be in Italy until later that night so she encouraged me to try to get a long layover somewhere. When I booked my flight I had to decide between Brussels and Zurich. The fat girl in me chose Brussels (waffles, beer, chocolate & steak frites!!) and I accepted the adventure to come. A week later, I receive an email from the professor asking me if I wanted to help present at the conference. ME? the government worker from DC with no counseling experience? the daughter of a single mother who was the first person in her family to graduate college? ME? What do I know? What can I share? Who am I to get up and speak to anyone on anything important? I am the person that is being asked to get up and speak to someone about something. So without hesitation, but MUCH trepidation in my spirit, I said "yes" again.

I go to the website yesterday and see my name and face as well as my "credentials" on the website for this international conference that is less than 2 weeks away. I realized that all I did was say "yes" & everything else fell into place. As I type this, I am fighting back tears because never in my wildest dreams did I imagine presenting on an international platform. I simply wanted to help the children in my area, but God has shown me bigger and better. And all I had to do was say "yes"!

I am learning to trust this process more and more each day! And I encourage you to do the same. The fear and anxiety may not ever go away, but get the hesitation out of your spirit and say "yes". Take that leap of faith & grab on to those opportunities presented to you. You never know where they will lead!