Wednesday, September 26

Bill O'Reilly Watches Too Much BET!

It is apparent to me that not only do young, black teenagers watch too much BET, Bill O'Reilly does too!

He went to dinner with Al Sharpton in Harlem at Sylvia's and was surprised that it was exactly the same as eating in any other restaurant in NYC. He said, and I quote: "There wasn't one person in Sylvia's who was screaming, 'M-Fer, I want more iced tea.' "
Why WOULD there be, Bill? Is that how they acted in CB4? Is that what you saw in I'm Gonna Git You Sucka!? Stop watching so much BET, Bill.

Living in a metropolitan area that has a LARGE Black population, I KNOW that some of us can be ignorant & outspoken, but that is with any group. It just seems that because ignorance is what is portrayed on tv, SOME people take it as truth and others perpetuate it.

I want people to stop making this a racist issue though. It is not racist of him, if nothing else take it as a compliment that HE was ignorant enough to believe what he saw on BET and had his perspective changed by the Black people I know that go out to eat & have a good time without any "craziness".

CBS News reported: O'Reilly contrasted his experience at the restaurant with the image "white America" has of a black culture "dominated by Twista, Ludacris and Snoop Dogg."

I want Bill O'Reilly to step out of his white bread box & realize that what you see on tv is not how everyday middle class Black Americans live. I certainly don't have rims on MY car, or large jewelry. I own my home & have a degree. When I go out to the CLUB, I may act a LITTLE like I am in a Luda video once I get some Ciroc in my system & my DJ plays my tune, but on a MUCH smaller scale. But this is not how I act in a restaurant, the grocery store or the mall. I know right from wrong & appropriate from inappropriate.

My point is, Bill O'Reilly clearly doesn't have much experience with Black people who aren't famous or infamous. His scope of Black people seems to consist of Luda, Twista, Al Sharpton & Jesse Jackson. All four are extremes on VERY different spectrums. All four people I do NOT know. He seems to only know what BET shows him. I want to say to Mr. O'Reilly as much as you talk about how the media tries to spin things, you should know not to fall victim to what you see on television. Not every black person is Ludacris, hell CHRIS BRIDGES isn't even Ludacris!

The people I know don't end up on the news or in the headlines because we are just regular old working middle class Americans trying to EARN a living & not rock the boat. I'm an upstanding citizen just like you Mr. O'Reilly, so please stop being so surprised that I conduct myself in a manner similar if not superior to you in my daily dealings.

Now if you don't mind, I am going to get myself some M-Fing SWEET TEA!(not iced tea)


Wednesday, September 19

What About Your Friends?

Recently people have come to me with tales of friendship issues that would make anyone shudder. Misplaced priorities, lying, selfishness all at levels above and beyond my comprehension. These people are all just regular joes, with nothing about them that screams: "I deserve to be mistreated...", yet they were. Totally out of the blue and unannounced these people have had their friendships, shredded to little pieces & discarded in some of the most disrespectful of ways.

No one is perfect & everyone has done something they regret to someone, and people know that it was a one time thing, a simple misunderstanding or lapse in judgment. But some things are just WHO people are and TRUE testaments to their character. There comes a point in time when you have to really decide if friendships are worth salvaging and when you take inventory of the friendship you realize there is more trash than treasure. When it comes down to it, you want a friend that respects your space, your time, and your feelings. You sometimes need them to be ride or die & some people are just not capable of doing so. You sometimes need them to reign you in & some people need more reigning than you have rope for.

I am going to regret even mentioning this name here, but OJ Simpson is a PRIME example. Who are these friends of his? Who are these people that are NOT discouraging his hair-brained schemes & supporting his plans whole-heartedly. There is ride or die & there is ride or DUMB! Regardless of WHAT happened in that room in Vegas, OJ & his friends did something DUMB! Guns or no guns, invited or uninvited, set up or happenstance... one thing cannot be refuted, something DUMB happened! And no one said to the other, maybe this isn't such a good idea. No one considered the consequences their actions would have on themselves.

All it takes sometimes is a LITTLE forethought. Friendship is about thinking of the GROUP. It involves being concerned about not JUST you. What I have been confronted with this week has been on BOTH sides of the spectrum... you have the severely selfish friends & the blindly selfless friends.
As for our dear, best good friend Orenthal, maybe jail is just the thing he needs to EVALUATE his life & find balance. And his so-called friends, need an intervention... could they have been THAT desperate for money & fame?

Life is about balance as are friendships... finding that medium. The balance is not the same in EVERY life or friendship. And if you find it hard to maintain that balance with someONE, maybe it's not YOUR fault. If you find it hard to maintain that balance with EVERYone, it probably IS your fault.


Tuesday, September 18

One of the Boys, Once Again

This weekend I travelled to NC to perform with my improv group in a ComedySports type competition. And on a whim I text my boy Jay the week before to ask if I could stay with him. He obliged. I kinda stood Jay up the last time I was in NC & hadn't really seen him in years! He had recently purchased a townhouse & I was really excited to see it. It just so happens that the planets aligned in a special way this weekend, because my bff (who I seriously thought had fallen from the face of the earth) decided he too was going to come to town. Needless to say, it was like old times.

They were drinking, I was laughing at them drinking because I had gotten food poisoning from MIAMI SUBS! So my stomach was on E most of the weekend. But being there with them made it ok. There were two other guys there from our college days. One of whom remembered I was one of the boys, one of whom seemed shocked by it.

All in all, I really missed them & I really am glad that I got the chance to be part of such a rare occurrence. I am trying to convince them we should all do it again for homecoming, but that is going to take some doing.

Jay & "Burger" (lol) I love y'all SO MUCH!! WOW, I almost forgot what it felt like to be around good dudes that are also friends! It makes me remember that there are still some good Black men out there that are actually educated AND attractive! WOW!

I felt good until, I got home & realized I was MILES away from them. Despite cell phones & email & IM nothing beat being there being one of the boys, once again.

Wednesday, September 12

The Layman's Kanye

I have a friend, that is really and truly born under the same moon as Kanye West. Kanye West is infamous for handling his "issues" like a toddler. I call them "issues" because MOST people don't really UNDERSTAND his problem. He hoots & hollers and boycotts and speaks out, but about WHAT? The only LUCID opinion Kanye has voiced in EONS was what he said about BritBrit. About how she is being exploited & such... but that is for another time.

My point is, baby, if all of your issues are handled by you rambling on & on & on, yet no one understands why; your valid points will be overlooked, ignored & disregarded because you have fed us so much of your Chopped Word Salad slathered in Ego Ranch Dressing no one's buying it anymore.

This goes out to my boy & Kanye both. Pick your battles & your words carefully. Because there will be folks that will get tired of trying to figure out who you are fighting & why. I am sure Kanye's ego & slick-assed mouth has caused him to burn a bridge or 3 on his way to the Promisedland, so be careful following in his footsteps.

Much like Kanye, I am certain my friend's issues are valid, but the WAY they deal with them, honestly makes me not care. That's not such a bad thing, I mean, I have my own issues to handle and I'm not big on airing them out so publicly as to cause a scene. Besides, if memory serves me correctly, their issues aren't new nor are they pressing enough to raise the threat level or anything. But, for whatever reason, this is how they choose to "solve" most of their "issues" since I have known them. So, this recent episode doesn't surprise me as much as it disappoints me. Much like Kanye, I thought maybe after some time they'd be able to sit back and reflect on what the REAL issue is & understand it for what it is. But, no... Kanye hasn't learned nor has my friend.

Stop taking your ball & going home! Stay & hang out at the courts, make note of those who imitate your style and those who won't pick you for their team... there's more to it than what YOU think.

BTW, laid back is muuuuuch more swaggalicious than riled up... BELIEVE THAT!

Friday, September 7

I... De.... Clare... WAR!

Summer is over. With it's warm nights & cloudless skies it also brought midnight buffets, open bars, long leisurely lunches looking out on the sidewalks of the city, and a fast-paced social calendar that left time for nothing more than Taco Bell & Wendy's en route to the next fabulous soirée! And now, I present to you, my summer love handle! He's back by UNpopular demand. Showing up in all of my finest summer wear & making me NOT want to leave the house.

Initially, I thought, a lil weight for the winter would help me brave the hawk. But, now that I look down at my love-don't-love-you handle protruding ever so conspicuously from my left hand side. I realize I can't take it.

He is taunting me every day. With his defiant, "I'm better than you" demeanor. He hangs out under shirts & over belt loops drawing attention to himself. He's such a showoff. Why can't he be more like my Teletummy? Obedient & barely seen. When I tell Teletummy to play the back, that is just what he does. Never distorting the way my clothes fit, or interrupting a photo op with his incessant demand to be seen!

I declare today (oh wait, make that MONDAY) the last day of truce between Lovey & I! He has ignored my cease-fire order one too many times. So now I am firing back! And I am bringing out the BIG guns... that's right, baby, the PRECOR machine AND the, um, the uhhhhh, the sit up machine thingy, yeah that! and I am coming full throttle. So, say goodbye, homey. You have made my clothes ill fitting for the last time! I have reason to believe that you were in a secret competition with Las Tethas to see who could expand the most & make my clothes the most ill-fitting! BUT GUESS WHAT, LOVEY... YOU LOSE!

Let's do this!

Wednesday, September 5

Lights OUT!

This weekend, we were forced into conversation by some fat, bald, old braggard who seemed to have a penchant to getting props where they were not due. He started off all of his "converstations" with: "Can I ask you a question?" and I use quotes around the word conversation because they were mostly thinly vieled discussions about why he was such a great guy.

The first question was about who was fatter, him or his friend. They were both obese but the older guy was more solid than the younger one. Mimi stroked his ego there by telling him he was more muscular, I added in they were both fat. The second question was about the average size of women in America. Mimi obliged again & said 14 or 16. To which Big Blackanbald replies, "Well, I want me a below average woman. I need someone like a size 8!" I had had ENOUGH of him already. I said, out loud but to no one in particular, "How are you going to demand your girl be slim & you ass is fat!" Obviously, Big Blackanbald thought he was a catch. CHILE, BYE! I walked away from the stupid, ignorant, pointless convo because I was going to fire him up & be labled bitter. In case you were wondering, I'm a size 8... ANYWAY!

So, I somehow end up back near the convo as it goes on to his last relationship. This wonderful woman he had taken up with had 2 children & was in school. He was paying all the bills & such. He told her all she had to do was pay the light bill & the cable bill. Sounds like a super SWEET set up, right? WRONG! HE says he came home one day and the house was dark. He hit the switch & NOTHIN! The lights had been cut off. HA! I was dying laughing. All I could think is, that's what you get!

Is that wrong? NOPE! Any woman that would allow a man to take care of her & her 2 children so soon in a relationship, ain't all the way right. Any man willing to save a chick so desperately that he is doing WAY more than going halvsies on the bills without knowing anything about her responsibility & maturity level, is a fool! The funny thing is, he didn't understand where he went wrong. Reminds me of a Project Pat tune I love (cuz I loves me some ignant rap): "Don't save her, she don't wanna be saved." He didn't ask the right questions.
Where are the childrens' father(s)? Personal as it may SEEM, if you are planning on moving this person into your home, you need to know who may come a-knockin on your door. And the truth may be that the father(s) weren't helping her OR they were in jail OR that she didnt' know who they were. ALL insights into this person's character.

How was she spending her money before? Has she NEVER been able to support her children, or what. If she didn't pay the bills until final notice when it was JUST her then, there was always this danger.

You can't just scoop up some coal & squeeze it into a diamond. That's not how it works... sometimes coal is coal. And you have to KNOW the difference. He was gonna MAKE him a diamond. EVen if all she wanted was to be some coal. And he didn't see the problem.

Among my girls, the vast majority of us wouldn't go for this deal... because as great as it SOUNDS, something isn't right. Why would someone OFFER this type of deal right away? It would be one thing if we were going half for a while & then, slowly, he started taking on more bills. But anyone who would sign up for this too good to be true type deal isn't thinking clearly, nor is the person offering it. There is always a catch & unfortunately Big Blacknbald was caught in the dark!

I hope he learned his lesson!