Wednesday, November 29

Someone please, find Michael Richards a desk job. And make sure it comes with a big comfy chair, because he needs to have a SEAT! I am tried of hearing about him, seeing him on TV, having him make his way into my emails! His otherwise lackluster pre & post Seinfeld career is now being put under a microscope. The saying goes all publicity is good publicity. Bad publicity puts your name on everyone's tongue, it causes people to have a definite emotion towards you as opposed to you barely existing in their mind. SO maybe that's his way of getting himself back out there.

According to an AP News Article: Last week, crisis-management expert Howard Rubenstein acknowledged that Richards had shouted anti-Semitic remarks in an April standup comedy routine well before his appearance earlier this month in which he harangued hecklers with the n-word. But he defended Richards' language about Jews, saying that the comic "is Jewish. He's not anti-Semitic at all. He was role-playing."

And by role playing he meant playing a Jewish guy. (KRAMER was Jewish, not Michael Richards. ) Richards has adopted Judaism as his religion, but hasn't converted. (So clearly being Jewish isn't a role he is committed to fully. ) If I adopt a rich lifestyle, then does that make me rich? If I adopt a puppy does that make me a dog? I mean REALLY!?!? This story gets stranger & stranger. He is blurring his Seinfeld episodes with his real life- think the Dr. that converted to Judaism for the jokes.

Needless to say, this whole I'm Jewish thing doesn't amount to one blessed thing. I want him to understand this: HE WAS WRONG! Even without the N-word he was WRONG! He tried to be the bigger man & not take the rehab cop out when, it's been proven to WORK! For JEHOVAH'S SAKE, COP OUT! & stay your fake Jewish ass off my tv!

Tuesday, November 28

Banning the N-Word

The "n" word has become the subject of MUCH controversy, YET AGAIN. Because there are certain people who don't know how NOT to resort to it. There is NO WAY Michael Richards-who I am TIRED OF SEEING- though that word was okay. There is NO WAY he didn't know that that word coming from a white man's mouth in anger wouldn't set off a FIRESTORM! That was, afterall his intention, right? He was being "heckled" and instead of a witty comeback, he resorted to the "n" word. This, to me, is a testament to his comedic inability. What comedian hasn't been heckled before.

No one cares about Seinfeld anymore, if you were truly living off that money, you wouldn't be in the Laugh Factory spewing racial slurs and spending the subsequent days, seemingly WEEKS, taking up cameratime & radio airtime stuttering apologies to a group of people that are just tired of looking at you.

One good thing HAS come out of this. Banning the "N" word. Now, I am not saying banning the word will work, but it is making people less tolerant of it. It was, to some black people a quiet triumph in taking this term that was used to degrade us and turning it into a term of endearment. It was a "double standard" SOMETHING we could finally have without white people stealing it back. This, clearly, has backfired & now the quiet triumph has turned into a public spectacle & a cultural shame.

Now, Jesse & the like are pushing for the "n" word to be deemed hate speech as it was originally intended. His statement on the Today Show: "I might add that we're really going to begin to fight to prohibit that word in public usage as hate language." Full video, here. (Courtesy of

Who is this "we" and how do they plan on going about it? Enter Ban The Their "Mainstay Philosophy" is: If it’s not acceptable, ok or cool to use kike, hooknose, wetback, spic, honky, cracker, paleface, peckerwood, blue-eyed devil, dago, wop, greaseball, guinea, chink, slant-eyes, gook, then, remember, it is not acceptable, ok or cool to use the N-word.

As you read on, their solution is to stop using it & not supporting those entities that accept it. This has flowed over into public school systems in Detroit, Baltimore & beyond. By making this word punishable hate speech, what will become of the children in the streets referring to each other as such? What will become of Chris Rock? What will become of this manufactured mess they loosely refer to as rap? Will it fall apart, disintergrate? Will we find N-word martyrs going to jail for continuing to use it? Or worse yet will the lazy N-words that don't seem to get up in arms about ANYTHING of any real consequence begin to protest & march? (I'm sorry for using the word, I was angry & clearly, that is ok to do when you are emotionally charged, right?)

I have made a concious effort to stop using the N-word and I would like to suggest some new terms: coon, bama, fool, negro, sucka, butthead. Oh, did I just say coon? Is that the next word to go? Hmmmmm, we'll see!

or something...

Friday, November 17

Return of the Wack- I KNEW that he'd be back!

So, some of you may remember the unitender he was all the things I liked in a younger man: dumb, sexy & willing. Oh yeah, and a slack, seemingly ambitionless loser. *doing my patented I **HEART** losers pelvic thrust*
I went into his place of business & he broke his neck to come speak to me. His face lit up like a puppy.... *sigh* Y'all already know Imma Sukka © so of course I was ON it like Kryptonite.... I fell for it, YUP!
He told me some story about how he got a new phone & didn't have my number I played it cool & just said "Oh." ANd went on about my business. He came over to me a few minutes later & asked for my number again. He remembered the first 3 digits ( not the area code) and of course I gave it to him.
He called last night talking about how he wanted to see me, but forgot when floor I lived on. I told him I was moving soon & he seemed a lil disappointed. I told him my mother was moving too & I would be at the apartment for awhile by myself until I moved. His response. "No you won't." *BAITED* "why do you say that?" I asked. *CAUGHT* "Because you won't, is that okay?" *REELED IN* "Yes." *hoping to be gutted, cooked & served up* (I'm sorry TMI!)
So, there you have it... RETURN OF THE WACK!
You have been WARNED!

Wednesday, November 8

Cain't TRUSS it!

Where's your facial hair? Any black man over the age of 20 that CAN, SHOULD let their facial hair grow. Not in an unkept & dirty matted homeless man way, but well groomed & visible!

That's it & that's all... and the ones that can't, well I am sorry to say this, but you GOTTA TRY! Otherwise, you just look SCARY & untrustworthy.

Speaking of untrustworthy, pencil thin moustaches make most of you look like an old school villain. Like you JUST got finished tying a damsel to the train tracks, you crazy BASTARD... grow it in, shape it up, let it go.

But back to bald faces, ILK! I hate when the men I've known for some time suddenly decide they want to cut off all their facial hair. FIrst of all, if you have had a mustache since 8th grade, you will never really get rid of all the hair anyway, and from far away it will STILL look like u have a mustache. Up close, I can see your lip quivering & looking sad & alone, PLEASE give it its shelter back.

Not that all black men look alike or anything, but goodness if I see one more man with uncomplimentary facial hair... Imma scream!

Friday, November 3

Yer the Only One Playin, So I Guess YOU WIN!

It is always so funny to me how people play little stupid games. But they are the only ones playing them. I am a direct person for the most part. But sometimes, some people tend to get shy or defensive because of my direct approach.

Let me be clear, I'm not one of those people with no cut cards who will say whatever & do whatever with no filter & not care who I hurt or how it sounds. I put thought & tact into my approaches of MOST things. Because I have the tendency to over analyze or over-dramatize (NOT ME!?!??! YES ME!!!!) I sometimes have to scale back my ownself. It seems that some people live in fear of what they think may be imminent... A VERBAL ATTACK! Which, to me is just their own guilt getting to they. Look, you KNOW you dead ass wrong, so why duck & dodge ME and let that mess eat @ you. The best part about it is, when they FINALLY stop playing & show their face or sometimes even riase their tired lil white flag, I don't even say a word... not nothin.

Their guilty reactions to what they THINK I will do or say are far more entertaining and honestly mean more to me than some half-assed coaxed apology. But it's amazing to me how they play this game, some sort of psychological proactive damage control complete with tactical maneuvers & sometimes camouflage... I SEE yer punk ass, stop hiding! Since you are the ONLIEST one playing, guess WHAT, you win... now QUIT it! It's foolishness & you are wasting energy & honestly, it's unnecessary I'm not even mad... So man/woman/cowboy up & face me, I promise I won't bite...

Thursday, November 2

Hot Crotch (or Getting TOO Comfortable @ Work)

I work in a basement with TONS of machines in the next room. It is often hard to get the temperature right down here for whatever reason. But because of this, I am forced to MAKE myself comfortable & warm in various ways because it is often very COLD.

One of my favorite ways to keep warm is to sit indian style in my chair. This only works for a LITTLE while because I'm not as young as I used to be & my legs fall asleep quickly. Sometimes, I am just sitting here pointing & clicking & dragging & dropping. This activity only requires my right hand, which leaves my left hand cold & abandoned on my junky desktop. Because of this... well... I have started placing my hand between my thighs. Not in an even REMOTELY sexual way as it is never NEAR to my nether regions. But it's always toasty there, though. I guess because my thighs are in such close proximity to one another & are arguably the "meatiest" part of my squatty body. The only body parts in closer proximity are my arms & ribcage, but neither of those areas are especially meaty & as such don't appear to retain the same amount of heat. *placing left hand between right arm & ribcage just to see* Nah, not the same.

I don't have company to my sliding doored cubicle very often, but when I do, it is oft times unannounced. Y'all see where I'm going with this, right? Yeah, it poses a bit of a problem when you're chillin with your hand in what appears to be your "crouch" (that's country talk there) and some government bigwig appears at your cubicle unannounced wanting to shake hands & discuss a project. No one wants to touch a hand that appears to have travelled to noman's-land JUST previous to shaking it. And I definitely, don't want to be caught looking like Polly Pervert @ work, but I'll be DAMNED if it's not one of those things I do subconciously. I guess when your job requires very little face to face contact & goes mostly unsupervised, you can indeed get TOO comfortable @ work.

For now I make SURE my cubicle door is pulled ALL the way closed. And make a concious effort to keep BOTH of my hands moving so they stay warm. Perhaps I'll start wearing gloves... :-/


I'm too hot for MySpace... so here I am! to spread my applesauce & sunshine.
I am going to retro post some things to tide you over! *BESOS*