When I say I was a mean girl I mean like as recently as last year I was displaying tendencies of a mean girl: being nasty, manipulative, and exclusionary. Then one day, I realized I was being wack. I didn't even have any explanation as to why I was doing what I was doing to the people I was doing it to at the time. People were the targets of my petty, wit, sarcasm and sometimes downright rudeness after having done the least little thing. I realized that I had to extract myself from a mentality that was making others miserable and bringing my vibrations low.
I'm not really a cliqueish person. I have about 6-10 close friends who I hang out with separately or sometimes in a small group. But I never really got down with huge friend groups where everyone was with everyone all the time. My introverted empath could not take all of that. Because of that, from my elementary school days until now, people tend to see me as a lone wolf in need of a pack. People have often tried to absorb me into their's and I'd go because I was curious. Well, we all know how rude curiosity can be... I was starting to feel suffocated. I needed out of the cycle of misplaced anger and unnecessary clapback before. One thing about mean girls is they start to turn on each other eventually... WHEW!
So, I placed my anger where it should have been and I clapped back at the necessary people... much like Cady in the movie Mean Girls. And let me tell you, I feel so light! I have opened myself up to opportunities to connect with more like-minded people. I have received unimaginable love and support.
You may notice that the title hashtag usually means a story about someone's son is coming. But I have not been on a date bad enough to blog since I changed my energy. I have had amazing experiences, met incredible men and discovered more about harnessing my power. The bad ones are fewer and farther between. I am not beholden to anyone's ideals or ideas of what my love life should look like. And it has since flourished in all areas. WHEW!
Let me be crystal clear, I can and will still bless you out or meet your ignorance with sarcastic wit, if I deem it necessary. But I am deeming it less necessary these days. I am more intentional about my energy and now choose to focus it on more positive and joyous endeavors. I'm still going to post about people's sons doing dirt, but I encounter it less so you will see it less. I am still an advocate for people especially women of color unduly penalized by the white cishet patriarchy. I am still going to crack jokes and troll people on my social media pages with well-worded posts occasionally. But, what I will not be is a mean girl waiting to strike, who then gathers other mean girls to join in. I'm off that. I can only hope people who were adversely impacted by my actions and my actions by proxy can extend me grace and accept my apology. Self-reflection is a hell of a thing! I am grateful to have the opportunity to reevaluate, recalibrate and refocus!
My vibe changed, my tribe changed, my life changed.
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