When Somebody Loves You Back

I'm finna be transparent as a MUGG!

I want love like an old school love song! Not just any love song, but  THIS LOVE SONG RIGHT HERE:


I have heard over and over again to find someone that loves you more. That thing is a recipe for failure. I have been the overlover and the overloved and it was never a good time! What must it be like "to be loved and be loved in return"? Equally-yoked? I have never experienced a 50-50 love. Does that even exist?

This world will make you feel like it doesn't! Little to no reciprocity seems to be the order of the day. Now, don't get me wrong, I love because I want to. I love because it's what I do! But overloving is bad for the heart, mind, body and soul.  Why am I working so hard for you and you are so indifferent? I'm old and I'm TIRED! Being overloved ended up making me feel guilty. Why wasn't I feeling this the way he was? I'm old and I'm TIRED! 40 may be the new 20, but I have had 20 extra years of being loved wrong (or at least in ways that did not satisfy me).

I have had great relationships and I have met amazing men, not one of them feels like the one that got away. Though there are several of them that would very likely say that they regret letting me go, if they were honest with themselves. But they aren't because many of them had issues with truly being honest with themselves.

I want someone to love me the way my friends love me and the way I love my friends. Flaws and all, no matter what, we not going anywhere! I have had conversations with my friends that would surely have broken up lesser friendships! But the way we love each other and trust one another and know that when we speak to one another it is out of love, we are able to accept what is being said to us and grow from it.

I want a love like that! This world has made people so fickle and inconsistent. It's made people unstable and apathetic. It's made people so disposable to one another. No one wants to give their all anymore because nobody wants their feelings hurt, or their business to end up as a FB post. No one wants to love anymore because nobody wants their heart toyed with, or to be subtweeted (subliminal tweets/posts that they know are directed to them) in the middle of the night. No one wants to be honest anymore because nobody wants to look like a sucker, or end up the subject of a viral screenshot.

I am honest, I am real, I am a giver, I am a sharer. I have walls up cuz I'm no dummy, but I am not afraid of love! BRING! IT! ON!

Changing Faces or Facing Changes

Life is going to move on around us whether we want it to or not. How you deal with it makes all the difference. Will you merely survive the change or will you thrive because of it?

I have gone through a few changes in the last year and I count them all joy! They were necessary to create in me a spirit of  "Yes, I can!" Some of these things I never imagined having to deal with and others were welcomed breaks from my norm. But all of them were a lesson.

The James Baldwin quote above has stuck with me for years. It used to be my email signature back in the hotmail days! But it is more relevant now than ever because I have come to realize that I have been changing faces for years! Not always, but often. 

If you are being put in a position to do something that you already know goes against who you are at your core, but you do it anyway because it will make things easier, then you're changing faces.

If you are in a "relationship" where your needs are evolving and the other person is satisfied with the way things are, but you refuse to settle for their love anymore so you walk away, then you are facing changes.

If you are being led in your spirit to take on a task you do not think you are capable of and you put the task off until you  think it is the right time, then you are changing faces.

If you know you have a testimony with details that may cause people to look at you funny but you know that it will set someone else free so you share it anyway, then you are facing changes.

If you force yourself to laugh in situations where you want to cry... changing faces.

If you let the tears flow in situations where you would force yourself to laugh... facing changes.

Embrace change, it is inevitable. But you don't have to move in the same direction. Changing faces is often a put-on. Changing faces is often a front and the inauthenticity of it will start to wear on you so quickly! Changing faces often won't let your spirit rest easy. Changing faces often feels like worry, regret, and a need to prove to everyone else  that we are ok. Changing faces is often reactive. It's a compromise of values because the group says so. It's a way to survive.

Facing change may mean you need to change direction from your peoples. Facing change may mean you need to have that conversation you have been dreading. Facing change may mean you need to seek a new path. Facing change is proactive. It's making a move before the tide sweeps you away. It's a connection to your spirit that you trust to move you in the best direction. It's a means of THRIVING and not merely surviving. 

Ask yourself are you changing faces or facing changes? Are you thriving or surviving?

Keeping it (Your) Light

Trigger Warning.... this is about assault, again.... *sigh*

This world will try to beat you down as a Black person. This world will try to tear you down as a woman. This world will try to destroy you as a Black woman.

Every single day there is a post or story or comment that reminds me, as a Black woman, that people do not care about me. There has been a constant onslaught of victim-blaming, cognitive dissonance and downright misogyny all through my timeline. It has begun to impact my female friends' well-being to the point of them having to log-off. With all of these sexual crimes being outed, there is a daily occurrence of trauma or trigger for some it seems.

So how do you keep your light? Honey, I don't know...

Bette Midler was able to ramble off her sexual assault at the hands of Geraldo Rivera as if it were no big deal! She laughed about it and moved on. This was assumedly because this was what she felt she needed to do to survive in show biz. 

I just casually confronted someone that has assaulted me on numerous occasions by aggressively hugging me and forcibly kissing me on the mouth and face. He stated that he did not realize he was making me uncomfortable despite me cringing each time he has hugged me because he always goes too far. He was on the internet boasting about how he has never made anyone uncomfortable or raped or assaulted any woman. I could have let him live, but instead I chose to bring to his attention that that was definitely not the case on a whim. I am not looking to press charges or anything like that, but I had to remove the burden of our interactions from my own shoulders and place it where it belonged. I had to lighten my load.

Talk to someone about what happened to you.

Pray.
Meditate.

Forgive.

Blog.

Reconcile.

Make jokes.

Press charges.

Think of healthy ways to relieve yourself of the burden that the patriarchy has forced you to carry while the man who assaulted/ harassed you lives his life freely or even toots his own assault-free horn all over the internet. 

Whatever you do, please, don't allow them to dim you! Protect your light!