Lessons from the Pit: Bitter or Better?

During this morning's devotional time, I came across this gem:

 

From the devotional The Dream Centered Life by Luke Barnett

It got me to thinking how we fall into pits -because life, duh- and choose to stay there. They make the pit home. we choose not to learn how to get out of the pit and how to subsequently avoid the pit the next time. Folks get comfortable in the pit because they have been there so long struggling with how to get out. And don't you dare try to enter the pit with them or help them out! They live there now. I find this happens a lot in failed relationships and business ventures. These two things can elicit the same passion from us. We put all we know how into both things. The same longing for success that when they fail, can cause us to be inconsolable and so overwhelmed with the failure that the only lesson we think we learn is to never ever do that again in any way shape or form. 

I know far too many that fall into the pit and it makes them bitter. But they don't see it. They choose not to care about anything anymore.  They lose their compassion for others because they would rather forget those feelings they felt when they fell into the pit initially. They put their capacity to love another thing (person, place, idea) on ice because they want or need to appear tough. For whom? For what? Bitterness isn't always constantly ranting about how people didn't support your dreams. Bitterness can be as subtle as sabotaging another opportunity to invest your time, talent, and expertise elsewhere. Bitterness isn't always posts about not being a sucker for love ever again. It can be as subtle as shunning a relationship with a person you know loves you. Bitterness can became so much a fabric of our lives that we don't recognize it. We spend so much time in the pit that it looks and feels like home. We've decorated it, installed cable and changed our mailing address. We've tasted straight lemon juice so often that we think we prefer it to lemonade.

I now know more and more people that are opting to get out of the pit. Sometimes they do it alone, but it becomes much easier when you ask for help. See, we have lost our capacity to ask for help for so many reasons. Sometimes it's just because we don't know what help we need. Using the pit as a time for introspection and honesty is the only way to know for sure what you need to escape from it. Not everyone that walks by you in the pit is going to help you out. Some may join you, ignore you, or even convince you to stay. This is why how you use your time in the pit is so crucial. 

How did you get here?

How long do you plan to stay here?

How did you feel before this?

How do you feel now?

How do you want to feel after?

What can you do to get out in the safest way?

What healthy changes can you make once you are out?

Will you need help getting out of here?

Who can help you out of here?

These are just a few questions we can ask ourselves. 

Look around you, have you made the pit your home? It's never too late to escape. Forgive yourself for staying in your bitterness so long. But for goodness' sake, do the work to get out of the pit. You owe it to yourself to be better not bitter and avoid the same pitfall again.

 

Changing Faces or Facing Changes

Life is going to move on around us whether we want it to or not. How you deal with it makes all the difference. Will you merely survive the change or will you thrive because of it?

I have gone through a few changes in the last year and I count them all joy! They were necessary to create in me a spirit of  "Yes, I can!" Some of these things I never imagined having to deal with and others were welcomed breaks from my norm. But all of them were a lesson.

The James Baldwin quote above has stuck with me for years. It used to be my email signature back in the hotmail days! But it is more relevant now than ever because I have come to realize that I have been changing faces for years! Not always, but often. 

If you are being put in a position to do something that you already know goes against who you are at your core, but you do it anyway because it will make things easier, then you're changing faces.

If you are in a "relationship" where your needs are evolving and the other person is satisfied with the way things are, but you refuse to settle for their love anymore so you walk away, then you are facing changes.

If you are being led in your spirit to take on a task you do not think you are capable of and you put the task off until you  think it is the right time, then you are changing faces.

If you know you have a testimony with details that may cause people to look at you funny but you know that it will set someone else free so you share it anyway, then you are facing changes.

If you force yourself to laugh in situations where you want to cry... changing faces.

If you let the tears flow in situations where you would force yourself to laugh... facing changes.

Embrace change, it is inevitable. But you don't have to move in the same direction. Changing faces is often a put-on. Changing faces is often a front and the inauthenticity of it will start to wear on you so quickly! Changing faces often won't let your spirit rest easy. Changing faces often feels like worry, regret, and a need to prove to everyone else  that we are ok. Changing faces is often reactive. It's a compromise of values because the group says so. It's a way to survive.

Facing change may mean you need to change direction from your peoples. Facing change may mean you need to have that conversation you have been dreading. Facing change may mean you need to seek a new path. Facing change is proactive. It's making a move before the tide sweeps you away. It's a connection to your spirit that you trust to move you in the best direction. It's a means of THRIVING and not merely surviving. 

Ask yourself are you changing faces or facing changes? Are you thriving or surviving?

#DontDoThis- Unsolicited Health Advice

Hey, hi, yes, hello!
(Note: I'm considering changing the title of this blog to #DontDoThis cuz I say it DAILY)

I have been losing & gaining weight for years. And each time I get "advice" from someone that I ain't ask nothing. STOP THIS! I don't need your tips, testimonials, hints, or help. If I didn't ask you, I don't need to know.

I am capable of researching. I am capable of asking for help when I feel I need it. I am capable of losing weight when I am good and gosh darn ready. I don't always STICK to it because of who I am as a person (HA!) but you don't KNOW ME like I do. So please, locate your seat.

This is why I hate going to the gym!

I feel constantly scrutinized as a plus sized woman in the gym. Especially by dudes... As If I shouldn't be there. I have had more men "give me advice" than a lil bit. Sir, mind your task! I talk to ONE person & one person ONLY at the gym and SHE has given me the help I need. You, sir, can go THAT way.

I overheard a convo between two trainers at the gym and when I tell you I was DISGUSTED! They were casually laughing at people saying they want their bodies to look like theirs but weren't doing the work. DUDE, You WORK in the gym! You be on the treadmill when I get on the elliptical and you STILL on the treadmill 30 minutes later when I go to the weights and STILL on there sometimes when I leave. There's a 30 minute time limit... sooo how can anyone spend that much time? You don't know people's lives so you cannot and SHOULD not be laughing at someone that wants to look and feel better.

(let me just add how much I cannot stand male personal trainers. I have only had ONE I liked. He knew how to motivate me without making me not care anymore. Most of them motivational techniques they learn at the  Body Shamers R Us Personal Training School don't work on me & has gotten more than one cussed SLAM out!)

I've made several lifestyle changes!

I used to be able to hit the gym for a  few weeks and the pounds fall off. Not anymore, There are many OTHER things that this near-40 body requires. I don't know them all.... give me a break! I am cutting out things, adding things, doubling up on things. I've tried south beach, atkins, paleo, primal vegetarian and vegan. Good food is part of who I am and I HATE being the girl at the table asking "How is that prepared?" or "Can you substitute this for that?" So I am seeking my balance. Seek yours and BE BLESSED!

I am SO glad that you are able to carry all your meals and snacks around all day. I am SUPER happy that you can eat 3 twigs and a spoonful of dirt & meditate AND levitate. I am GREATLY impressed that you have the will power to go to Dunkin Donuts just to SMELL donuts every morning and be satisfied. GOOD FOR YOOOOOU! *sarcastic smile* But that ain't what works for me.

from: http://docbaird.com/clients/19370/images/Poor_nutrition.jpg

You don't know my life!
If these sounds like excuses, they ARE! and I know this, I don't need nobody pointing that out. So, ha!
I work 3 sedentary jobs. Two of which are mentally exhausting and require me to drive from place to place in the evenings. I was going to say more here, but my point is... Worry about yourself, ok? I got this... eventually.... so hush.

In conclusion to all those unsolicited health advisors out there: Unless someone ASKS you, let them LIVE! If you are not close enough to them to know them WELL, LET THEM LIVE!