A message to the #notallmen brigade

I am going to keep this brief because I am tired of having to say this.

We know it's #notallmen. 
But your refusal to recognize and address the fact that there are so many men doing these things that MOST women have had similar experiences isn't really helping your "cause". Addressing the women who experience the issue and not the issue itself only proves that woman likely feel unsafe with you. If you feel the need to debate that, think about why.

Despite being presented with screenshot after screenshot of men being trash to women who were otherwise minding their business, men still find the need to address the women in the situation. We aren't the ones that need to be addressed. If you think it's not necessary to address these issues with your friends because they don't do things like that, I assure you there is a woman with a screenshot to prove otherwise. Your homeboys aren't just lying to women, they're lying to you too just like you lie by omission or exaggeration to them.

Be real or be still was the motto and response of my college roommate and I. We asked direct questions and wanted direct answers. The same applies today. When accountability feels like an attack, you're not being real. That's just that. I have addressed my own hypocrisy many times. I am flawed and sometimes (but not often) incorrect. I am honest with myself and others because I live a life that is authentic as I can make it without offending my mama and my ancestors. All I ask is that the men in my sphere do the same and demand the same of their friends. But apparently that is asking too much. Instead I have to choose my words carefully and attempt to be respectful to men who constantly say anything to me and care not about empathy or respect when they wave their NOT ALL MEN banner.

Do better by the women you say you love, the women you claim to like, the "mouthy" women you tolerate because you're attracted to them, the women you are currently disrespectful to in public but inboxing in private because you'd still kinda like to hit that but you don't want to be clowned. I say again: We know it's #notallmen. But we need you to know that it is far too many men. And those men make the women around you feel unsafe because your protest makes you complicit. Instead of addressing the women experiencing these things, talk to the men. Because as tired as you are of saying not all men, women are even more tired of hearing and reading it.