Reclaiming Your Power

Let me start by saying, I am talking to me and  you.... Consider this a collective pep talk.

Who are you? What defines you? What do you live for and what can you do without? Think about the things to which we give power in our lives: careers, relationships (familial, platonic and intimate), hobbies, volunteer work, frats and sororities. You may even want to make a list.

The things we put our thoughts, time and energy into are the things to which we give our power. 

Now, think about how much brain and soul space those things inhabit. What's on your mind when you wake up? What do you think about in those quiet moments? 

Next, consider how you feel when you think about those things. Which things bring you joy, peace, happiness, satisfaction? Which things lead  you to feel worry, stress, depression, unfulfillment?

Finally, truly think about what is worth fixing, mending, or doing better and what is better left alone. 

Does that change how you previously defined yourself? 

We oftentimes find ourselves stressing over things we cannot control and thereby giving those uncontrollable things our power and in turn allowing those things to control us and sometimes break us all of the way down. The simple things are not always easy and the easy things are not always simple. Simply letting go of the self-definitions that are causing us internal strife is hard work! But it's work that we must do in order to relieve those things of their power. It's much easier to not do the work required, but that often ends up unnecessarily complicating our lives at some point. 

If you were honest with yourself while reading this, you've got some reframing to do. Let's mend these broken places. We are allowing things to define us that are drawing negativity and we are much too fly for that! It's going to take some time, but even a small step is progress! 2 Timothy 1:7 says: For the spirit God has given us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.

SO, GO TAKE YOUR POWER BACK!

pic from: https://lisagawlas.wordpress.com/2017/02/23/the-ego-the-master-of-matter/

Confronting My Own Hypocrisy

The above nametag says it all. I am a hypocrite... and I have been forced to face my hypocrisy twice in the last 2 weeks. Some of these things involve people I care about so I won't go into too much detail lest they recognize their truths here and feel betrayed or something.

Girl, look at yourself!
I found out some interesting information about someone I am close to in a way so cavalier, I thought it was a joke. But when it turned out to be true, my stomach DROPPED! I was unsure how to process or handle what can only be described as a real-life plot twist! The revelation was like something out of a movie and, had it not been my own life, it would have made for goooood storytelling. It made me rethink how I felt about the person. I was considering whether to release them into the wild or confront them about how I felt. As I processed it, I really thought about the whole situation and did some introspection. It was then that I realized I had been there and done the same. damn. thing!

Matthew 7:1-2 says:

“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. 2 For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. 

The key here is WITH THE MEASURE YOU USE... I had done something similar and was about to judge them for it. How!?!?
So as I was talking it all out, a voice in my head said: "Girl, look at yourself!" and I did, literally. I did indeed stand in front of the mirror and I laughed cuz I was trippin! My issue was did this person feel remorseful like I did or to the same extent, but that ain't my place. There are other factors that led to the internalized struggle but the people closest to me, helped me look at and consequently get over myself. I loooove to have the moral high ground in most every situation and can be hard on myself when I fail to "do what's right". As you can see, this came into play as I was about to be hard on someone else for doing essentially what I did- with some caveats... it's complicated. And that's just it, LIFE is complicated. Like Gina told Charmaine on the infamous Digit Ho episode of A Different World, "Life is a funny thing, girl."

Transitive Properties of Equality
I still struggle with my feelings on certain things as it relates to transgender people. I'm not at "NC bathroom ban" with it but I'm also not at "pansexual lover of the world" with it, so my advocacy motto is "Leave people alone." Does that make sense?

I don't know enough about it to get out there and claim allyship (which cannot be self-proclaimed and should only be bestowed upon those with whom you are allies). But I know enough to know that some of my thoughts and words are precarious. Some of it is lack of knowledge and some of it is how I was raised- mildly transphobic and innately judgmental.

When I was younger, a man in a wig was usually a spectacle. Oftentimes, he would appear to be disheveled and unkempt. I now realize this may have been in direct relation to the life he lived up to this point. A society that has mocked him, shunned him, abused him and forced her to be referred to as HIM. Never realizing this person is a HUMAN BEING and should be treated as such. How is that NOT ok with folks? Leave people alone, mind your task, brush your teeth, drink water, live YOUR life.

We may all find the "what's your pronoun?"  line of questioning strange or confusing. But what it boils down to is respecting people. I realized through 2 podcasts this week: Inner Hoe Uprising's episode titled "Trans Masculinity" and The Read's episode "Noprah Winfrey" (the link goes straight to the transgender issues portion of the show) that I had a lot to learn and there was more I could do to retrain my brain. BOTH podcasts contain strong language and for that I do NOT apologize!


So yeah, I quoted the Bible AND linked to a sex podcast in the same blog and about this I AM PLEASED! This does not make me a hypocrite. This makes me a human. This week I came face to face with respecting other people's humanity as well as my own. We all have done things that other people may not agree with or like. We all need to recognize our own hypocrisy, it's healthy!

Four Little Words

No four words can wreck a friendsjhip QUITE like "why don't you just..."

It is the gateway to judgey, unsolicited advice and the quickest way to let someone know you don't understand their situation. While you may think you are dispensing sage wisdom,  the receiver ain't  receiving. I knoww that when people start a statement like that, I instantly think: "Why don't YOU just shut your face!" Often times people just want to vent so the unsolicited advice isn't even necessary. And the term will likely do more harm than good.

If you feel there is something that just MUST be said, why don't you just rephrase it and save yourself a cold shoulder, a severe side eye in perpetuity or being sent straight to VM forever and ever AMEN.

Many  times  we fail to see that we are "at fault" not in what we say (because if we are all being honest, certain things must be said [I loves me a good paranthetical phrase, don't I?]) but in how and WHAT we say. Maintaining a healthy friendship is about finessin that thing and not coming from a place of harm.

What LIES Beneath

From: http://freelancefolder.com

If you know nothing else about me, you know I am a strong proponent of the truth. When all else fails, it's all you have.

A male friend told me recently that he lied to his female friend to "protect her feelings". *record scratch* Don't we already know that this is a HUGE no-no? *wags finger*

Once he told me the story that involved 2 glasses of wine and a denial of responsibility or rememberance thereafter, I called BS on the girl! I said  & I quote:
She's lying
Congrats
Yer even
*bangs gavel*

She disavows any knowledge of her actions after 2 glasses of wine.

from: http://queenofsports.com/

Seriously, 2 glasses of wine couldn't get a 4 year old drunk enough to forget anything! So it seems, my dear friend, was suckered into a lie with a lie. It seems that the girl must have been testing him, why? I don't have ALL the answers, people. But I DO know why she lied....

Who hasn't gotten some liquid courage in them & said or done something they always wanted to or that seemed like a good idea at the time. Only to realize, the idea WASN'T that good afterall or the repercussions could be MUCH more than they thought initially. If they even thought about it beforehand. You rationalize it with a lil: "Eff it, I'm 'drunk'!" Even though, if you were truly drunk, you wouldn't relaly be able to think, right?

Poor thing woke up the next morning, in search of her panties & her whole make him wait 6 months plan was out the window! QUICK- what do I do? How do I fix this? THINK, girl, THINK! YES... it was the wine!

This lie led to HIS lie which led to them both lying under a pile of  lies. Now she's nto talking to him & he's not feeling great about that. But clearly she needs to be mad at herself, because she started the lie ball rolling. Now it's barrelling downhill and picking up anger and frustration & speed.

Had she followed my cardinal rule of being honest with YOURSELF first, she could've just said: You know what? I was NOT intending to do that & while I don't regret it, it probably shouldn't happen again for a while.

Done & done.