A friend sent out an email today to all her single (read unmarried) friends. She was posed 3 questions by a male friend & asked us to answer them... Below are my answers. I didn't think about them for a while & then respond, I responded off the top of my head. Check it out...
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How do I want to be loved?-
Unconditional love is a term that people made up in an effort to not have to feel guilty or apologize when they do something dumb. Sure we are all flawed, but no one is gonna stick around while you make out with your exboyfriend over and over or spend 4 nights a week in the strip club. NOw, with that said, I want to be loved by feeling taken care of. I have been taking care of myself for so long, I want to know how it feels to know that there is a MAN out there that is making sure I am taken care of. I am not saying he has to smother me or pay all the bills while I spend money on shoes & handbags. I mena in a more practical sense. If something is broken and I can't fix it, I want a man that can or knows who to call to fix it and takes care of it without me having to give it another though. My man needs to understand that love is in the details. Love is in the sum of all parts... sure you call me everyday, but what are you saying? Sure you bought me a gift, but did I have to tell you what I wanted or did you pay attention during our conversations and figure it out? I want to be loved like the SAT... don't GUESS... know that you know. If you don't know, STUDY! The more you guess and get it wrong, the lower your final score will be. But don't just ignore the parts you don't know... LEARN THEM. Love is hard work & I need the man that loves me to know that.
If a man wants to marry me, what do I expect him to do to get the two of us there?
I need a plan of action, with more action than plan left. I need to know that WE won't have any pre-existing conditions with no progress being made to correct them. People are flawed, but for me that is not an excuse to be lazy, complacent, etc... I understand that there are women out there ready to get married & will say "YES" before the question is even finished. But the man that wants to marry me needs to know that I am not that woman. So the concept of wanting to marry me isn't enough. One thing I have learned is that men will SAY a whole lot, but until they start to do more, it is just words.
What do I know he would need to do for me to be happy?
I need him do be reliable AND dependable. He would need to listen actively and most importantly understand my sense of humor. He would need to know how to lead and know when to allow me to lead and know when we need to walk side by side. My head hurts & my fingers ache so I will stop right there...
4 comments:
I think what's cool about these questions is the personal nature. What works for one person may not work for another, and I love your comparison to the SAT. Very true -- study and learn. No one should read this and think "ha ha" I've figured out how to win all women. Nope, study and learn the woman (or man) you want to get with and/or marry.
Done and done -- and great answers.
Per our previous discussions...
Co-sign on A. Smith's comment. That study/learn process is what marriage is all about. It changes, so having someone whose willing to adapt is so important.
Nice questions..
I don't know if all of these would make my top 3, but I agree with them all. If I could just get a certain someone to understand that just because he's loving me the way he thinks he should and doing what he thinks is enough he hasn't taken the time to listen. Understand what I need to feel loved then he would understand what happy means for me. Listen to what's in my heart and love me that way! I think it can be very difficult for men to get their egos out of the way and just listen because women's wants and needs are definitely are not all the same and neither is what makes us happy are definitely not all the same! LISTEN!
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