Don't Do This: Vegan Venom & White Wokeness Gone Wrong

HEY, y'all!

via GIPHY

I am a year older since the last time I blogged. I have celebrated my mama, my grandmama and myself since my last blog.  I've been up and down the mid-atlantic, but now I'm back. This one's a humorous one because I want y'all to know, I'm still funny, ok?  Enjoy this terrible tale of terrifying treachery....

So, I'm in between "thangs" right now. And in that interim I have been "giving a man a chance". This concept is drizzled in misogyny because it implies that in order for me to not be a cat lady, I should date all of the way outside my box. My box ain't small, I refer to myself as an Equal Opportunity Offender when it comes to the dating world. But mostly, I do it for the stories, though and THIS one is a doozie!

Let me set this up for you: I go through phases of indiscriminately swiping right on Tinder when I'm bored just to see who's feeling the girl. This explains how I ended up out for drinks with a white guy from around the way that recently cut off his locs.... *pauses for reactions* I know, RIGHT?!?!

He says we're meeting for drinks and conversation. Cool. I get there and he's tinier than I expected. That's fine, it's just drinks and conversation. We're drinking and he's not as funny as he thinks he is. So sometimes I give a polite laugh and sometimes I give a side eye. We talk about me and how I pretty much work my 2 jobs, go out to eat with my friends and go to church. Church was an issue for him. He was spiritual and not religious and a yogi and once strongly identified with rastafarianism... *pauses for reactions*  He sarcastically told me it sounded like I didn't do much. He had already told me he has never left the east coast, but he's been to Quebec though. Me, "oh, ok."

We talk about school and he tells me that college wasn't his thing. "They only teach you HIS-STORY! 100!", he said. Yes, y'all he actually said "100" he said it many, many, many times throughout. We talk about music and he tells me he listens to everything. I say I do too and I tell him I really love bluegrass. He's like "Is that like the blues? I listen to the blues." Me, "no." He then tells me he likes to listen to roots/culture music on vinyl. Whose roots and culture, dude? He was referring to reggae, y'all. *pauses for reactions*

The convo goes on and I start not caring. I was saying anything that came to my head and did not care about being polite because I was over it at this point. I was rolling my eyes at his ridiculousness. Somehow we got on the topic of food. This is when I found out he was vegan.

How did I find out? By super preachy announcement and a further condescending "explanation", of course. Me, "Don't start that vegan bullshyt." Him, "What bullshyt?" Then he launches into a one-sided debate with all the vegan buzzwords including: square vs. circular cells, mention of sentient creatures, and a declaration to never kill anything with 2 eyes. (yet he mentioned he definitely kills mosquitoes, flies, spiders and the like)  *pauses for reactions*

Then he goes on to talk about what part of my argument I should not bring up. Mind you, I stopped talking after he got super hype about his side. He begins to discuss the ills of corporate farms and "the man". He may not have said "the man", but by this point I was ready to go. He said, "I like debating, it's fun.100" Me, "This definitely isn't fun for me." The bill arrives and he looks at me and asks if I mind splitting the check. The check that came to $17 whole dollars! I started to pay the whole check and walk out, but I HATE when women do that just to prove they can. So I said, yes, placed my card on top of his $11 (which he said included his tip) and prayed the waiter came quickly.

I'm sitting there wishing I had stayed home and had a V-8, and that's when I notice it. Mr. Woke Vegan Rage Against Corporate Consumerism is wearing a jacket from The North Face and beef and broccoli Timberlands. *pauses for reaction* Y'all.... Y'all! 

The waiter comes back with my card, I sign and grab my coat. Outside he asks,  "where is your car?" I point across the street, he says, "oh,  mine is over there" and points in another direction. He leans in for a hug.................. I give him the Christian side hug and he walks off toward his car................. I walk to my car alone and as soon as I am inside safely, I unmatch with him.

It was just drinks and conversation but I don't have room for THAT level of hypocrisy in my life!

Lessons from the Pit: Bitter or Better?

During this morning's devotional time, I came across this gem:

 

From the devotional The Dream Centered Life by Luke Barnett

It got me to thinking how we fall into pits -because life, duh- and choose to stay there. They make the pit home. we choose not to learn how to get out of the pit and how to subsequently avoid the pit the next time. Folks get comfortable in the pit because they have been there so long struggling with how to get out. And don't you dare try to enter the pit with them or help them out! They live there now. I find this happens a lot in failed relationships and business ventures. These two things can elicit the same passion from us. We put all we know how into both things. The same longing for success that when they fail, can cause us to be inconsolable and so overwhelmed with the failure that the only lesson we think we learn is to never ever do that again in any way shape or form. 

I know far too many that fall into the pit and it makes them bitter. But they don't see it. They choose not to care about anything anymore.  They lose their compassion for others because they would rather forget those feelings they felt when they fell into the pit initially. They put their capacity to love another thing (person, place, idea) on ice because they want or need to appear tough. For whom? For what? Bitterness isn't always constantly ranting about how people didn't support your dreams. Bitterness can be as subtle as sabotaging another opportunity to invest your time, talent, and expertise elsewhere. Bitterness isn't always posts about not being a sucker for love ever again. It can be as subtle as shunning a relationship with a person you know loves you. Bitterness can became so much a fabric of our lives that we don't recognize it. We spend so much time in the pit that it looks and feels like home. We've decorated it, installed cable and changed our mailing address. We've tasted straight lemon juice so often that we think we prefer it to lemonade.

I now know more and more people that are opting to get out of the pit. Sometimes they do it alone, but it becomes much easier when you ask for help. See, we have lost our capacity to ask for help for so many reasons. Sometimes it's just because we don't know what help we need. Using the pit as a time for introspection and honesty is the only way to know for sure what you need to escape from it. Not everyone that walks by you in the pit is going to help you out. Some may join you, ignore you, or even convince you to stay. This is why how you use your time in the pit is so crucial. 

How did you get here?

How long do you plan to stay here?

How did you feel before this?

How do you feel now?

How do you want to feel after?

What can you do to get out in the safest way?

What healthy changes can you make once you are out?

Will you need help getting out of here?

Who can help you out of here?

These are just a few questions we can ask ourselves. 

Look around you, have you made the pit your home? It's never too late to escape. Forgive yourself for staying in your bitterness so long. But for goodness' sake, do the work to get out of the pit. You owe it to yourself to be better not bitter and avoid the same pitfall again.

 

I Resolve to Be Alright!

re·solve verb- to decide firmly on a course of action.

There will be no cliche "New year, New me!" here. This is a call to all of you who are feeling the pressure to change, to do more, to be bolder, to go to the gym 9 times a week. This is a call to you to rethink how you think of this new year. This new year is really just a continuation of last week. So breathe!

Think about all you were working on last year. Did you complete it? No? Well, keep going! Think about the changes you made last year. Were they working for you? Yes? Well, keep going!

I have seen people posting manifestos of all the things they vow to accomplish... all the pressures they place on themselves... all their business that they have made public to the social masses... all the things they may or (statistically speaking) may not achieve. 

This year I ask you to join me in holding one another accountable for one resolution and one resolution only. This year, I resolve to be alright! 

all right adjective- safe, well

This means check-in with you. Put less pressure on yourself to do and instead try to be! Be in the moment, be in the room, be in the now. It's good to have goals, it's great to have benchmarks, it's amazing to achieve things. But what good is any of it if you are frazzled and stretched to your limits once you arrive? They call it the grind for a reason! Because it will wear you down to a stump if you let it! So this year, make you the priority. By all means, push your limits and exceed your targets, but make sure you're alright when it's all said and done. You can check off all 75 resolutions and not have the energy to even appreciate it when you get there because you're exhausted, checked out or running on fumes. Take each day as it comes and don't get so bogged down in the tomorrow and the day after and the day after. It will all work out. Matthew 6:34 says: Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

So, for today, resolve to be alright!