Lessons from the Pit: Bitter or Better?

During this morning's devotional time, I came across this gem:

 

From the devotional The Dream Centered Life by Luke Barnett

It got me to thinking how we fall into pits -because life, duh- and choose to stay there. They make the pit home. we choose not to learn how to get out of the pit and how to subsequently avoid the pit the next time. Folks get comfortable in the pit because they have been there so long struggling with how to get out. And don't you dare try to enter the pit with them or help them out! They live there now. I find this happens a lot in failed relationships and business ventures. These two things can elicit the same passion from us. We put all we know how into both things. The same longing for success that when they fail, can cause us to be inconsolable and so overwhelmed with the failure that the only lesson we think we learn is to never ever do that again in any way shape or form. 

I know far too many that fall into the pit and it makes them bitter. But they don't see it. They choose not to care about anything anymore.  They lose their compassion for others because they would rather forget those feelings they felt when they fell into the pit initially. They put their capacity to love another thing (person, place, idea) on ice because they want or need to appear tough. For whom? For what? Bitterness isn't always constantly ranting about how people didn't support your dreams. Bitterness can be as subtle as sabotaging another opportunity to invest your time, talent, and expertise elsewhere. Bitterness isn't always posts about not being a sucker for love ever again. It can be as subtle as shunning a relationship with a person you know loves you. Bitterness can became so much a fabric of our lives that we don't recognize it. We spend so much time in the pit that it looks and feels like home. We've decorated it, installed cable and changed our mailing address. We've tasted straight lemon juice so often that we think we prefer it to lemonade.

I now know more and more people that are opting to get out of the pit. Sometimes they do it alone, but it becomes much easier when you ask for help. See, we have lost our capacity to ask for help for so many reasons. Sometimes it's just because we don't know what help we need. Using the pit as a time for introspection and honesty is the only way to know for sure what you need to escape from it. Not everyone that walks by you in the pit is going to help you out. Some may join you, ignore you, or even convince you to stay. This is why how you use your time in the pit is so crucial. 

How did you get here?

How long do you plan to stay here?

How did you feel before this?

How do you feel now?

How do you want to feel after?

What can you do to get out in the safest way?

What healthy changes can you make once you are out?

Will you need help getting out of here?

Who can help you out of here?

These are just a few questions we can ask ourselves. 

Look around you, have you made the pit your home? It's never too late to escape. Forgive yourself for staying in your bitterness so long. But for goodness' sake, do the work to get out of the pit. You owe it to yourself to be better not bitter and avoid the same pitfall again.

 

This is Why Nobody Likes Christians

Just last week I talked about confronting my own hypocrisy. Self-awareness is imperative to self-improvement. Self-improvement is imperative to becoming your higher self. Regardless of what you believe in, you should be aiming to become better in this life.

Now, here's the thing. I go to church, I believe in God, I follow the teachings of Jesus. I cannot stand Christians. Let me say it again: I. Cannot. Stand. Christians. This was not what I was going to blog about so this list is not in ANY order. But let me tell you why nobody likes "us".


1. We're ashamed of our testimony- If the Lord brought you out of it, why not share it? Why hide from your past if that's not who or what you are anymore? Why hide from your past if you are still struggling with it? If Ephesians 1:7 is true and you have redemption through his blood and there is glory after suffering like 1 Peter says, then what are you ashamed of really? No one is saying you have to go into gory detail about your drug dealer days nor glorify your mid-20s sexcapades, but you ain't gotta lie or clutch your pearls anytime your past comes up. Even if people are trying to use it against you, which people have DEFINITELY done to me, why not use it as a "LOOK AT ME NOW" moment. Those same people that tried to use my past against me once I started to be serious about my spiritual journey are now coming to me for prayer. #lookatgawd

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2. We're too judgey- In the same way that we are ashamed of our testimony, we use that shame to shame others. I watched a clip of a particularly infamous female preacher talking about the manner in which some women dress for church. Calling them names and being so adamantly graphic and vulgar about the female anatomy to the point she was almost foaming at the mouth! *Editing out my smart remark*  Why so much judgment for people you profess to love? Over undergarments!?!?

• Sidenote: Some of us more top-heavy women have issues keeping the puppies still in the kennel and others have issues turning off our high beams. I have pulled my sister aside and let her know her high beams were on as a courtesy. I didn't get on FB and blast it out in disgust. Sometimes folks are not aware or not even THINKING about that sort of thing. So why are you so angry? This judgment has even caused me to feel self-conscious in the middle of a good shout! I have definitely been in the middle of a praise and suddenly become aware of my body and thrown my arm across my chest all because I did not want to be judged for how well my undergarments controlled my situation under extreme circumstances. I have veered WAY off course!

My point is, we judge others for things they a- may not be aware of or sometimes can't help and 2- we have done ourselves. Clutching our pearls at people's drunk-in-the-club stories from last year when we are only a month away from our NEXT or LAST backslide. Then to disown the people whom you have judged.... chiiiiiiile! In John 6:37 the good Lord himself says "All those the Father Gives me will come to me, and whoever comes to me I will never drive away." Yet, here you are publicly shaming those who have come to you for spiritual guidance. And I've already discussed being judged with the same judgement.... 

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3. We lie to ourselves and others- We don't have to tell everyone our business, but we also don't have to just outright lie. Why are you pretending to be this upstanding soldier in the Lord's Army when you know you don't have it all together? If your house ain't in order, your finances ain't right, your walk ain't straight OR narrow, FIX IT! We put an abundance of time and effort into appearing to be model Christians-- whatever that even means-- yet not enough time and effort is put into just being human. We all have sinned and fallen short. Some of us are planning to sin this weekend. We don't have to lie. But the aforementioned shame and judgment that has been ingrained in us prevents us from admitting it to ourselves. No one is completely sinless, no one is unconditionally blameless, no one is perfectly virtuous. Does that mean we shouldn't try to be? NO! But that does mean we don't have to try so hard to pretend to be. "Because you're no angel either, baby."- Bey

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4. We act like we ain't got time for nobody else- I saw a post on FB yesterday about millennials leaving church because the person in the pulpit cannot be bothered with the congregation. Where in the bible is that at? Matthew 25:40 talks about what you do for the "least of these" you did for Him. The least of these has some quantifiers earlier on in the chapter, but the point remains many of us act like we cannot be bothered with social justice, community service, outreach... NOTHIN! We don't have to hand out money to every homeless person on the street but we also don't have to walk out of church with our noses turned up and butts on our backs. I'm guilty of this as well because as an introvert, I honestly don't feel like heavy convo or light banter after pouring my soul out. But, I try to give a smile or light hug as I make my hasty exit.  I even apologize if I know I'm coming off wrong because I am aware of this fault. But for the people in the pulpit to do this, is damaging to "the least of these". Church hurt is some of the worst hurt!

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5. We're MAAAAD sexist, yo!- Christianity is problematic as a mugg! The Bible is full of  "Wait, what?" passages. It's been through many translations, and tons of edits, and outright omissions and additions. I get it. But like the Pointer Sisters said in Car Wash "You gotta believe in something". And I believe in the overarching themes of The Bible. I believe that what I have felt and experienced in church and through my practice and worship has been beneficial to my overall improvement and higher understanding of my life's purpose. 

HOWEVER, I know that some of the things that some of y'all's preachers spout is nothing but sexist foolishness. Women not causing men to stumble is chief among them. Many of us Christian women have bought into the internalized misogyny and have used it to keep us from being great.... like.... *sigh* I don't even know how to address this without a whole other 5 paragraph dissertation. Let me wrap this up, b!

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Most of y'all probably didn't even get this far... so I will just say, I acknowledge that Christianity is sexist and archaic in many ways, but I don't buy into it, nor do I allow it to deter me. I fight against it in many ways and will continue to do so. 

I made sure that I said WE so y'all know I am not excluding myself.... we ALL got work to do!

This Tweet Smells like LEMONS!

It seems that I know more bitter men than I do women. Angry at some girl that broke their heart in 10th grade. Or mad because they used up all their money on someone that was only marginally interested. Or lost their trust to a big butt & a smile. Whatever it was, they are still holding on to it. THEY carry as much baggage as they say women do, if not more. The worse part is, many don't even know it!

As I read their tweets, I realize just how disgruntled and out of touch they are. Commenting on how their woman should look & be shaped & they are squat & rotund as ever. Spouting that a woman should do this & that for their man. When they are struggling to keep their cell phones on or sleeping on a pull-out couch. For some reason some of them seem to think that by virtue of them being male, they are free to criticize, gripe & complain about things that, in the grand scheme of things means nothing! And it all stems from some girl they thought they were in love with until she hurt them, cheated on them, broke their heart or turned out to be a hoe. lol!

But seriously, so many men I know disguise their bitterness behind jokes, but it still smells lemon fresh. I think that most of you know that I am all about being honest with yourself FIRST. And the fact of the matter is, some of the men I know aren't. And if they are, they are tweeting & FB posting these ridiculous things in hopes of masking something. But what they are actually doing is drawing attention to themselves. *sigh*

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

So I made a VERY difficult decision in December of 2009. I had to cut ties with someone that had come to mean a lot to me despite the fact that everytime I was with them I ended up sick on the stomach, literally. It had gotten to the point where enough was ENOUGH! I decided as of January 1 we could no longer deal with each other in anyway. I would not be coming to visit, I would not be hooking up for old times' sake, I would ignore all things even ASSOCIATED with them. And on this 25th day of January things have been going well, but I'm really getting the urge to stop by just to say "Hi". *sigh*

He has even resorted to havin his guys call me... REGULARLY! Why can't he just leave me alone? He wasn't very good to me when we would get together so why now that I'm gone is he trying to draw me back in. But where he really messed was I saw his next one & she is NO treat. I mean really, she's just so unappealing to me I know for a fact now that he has NOT upgraded since I left... HA! So, if you all don't mind, I would like to get some things off my chest...

*ahem*

Dear Mr. McDonald,
Please tell your fries to stop calling me. I have told them time and again that you and I have broke up & I ain't never coming back! I loved you and all you ever did was make me sick, sad and fat! At first I thought I couldn't live without you, because that is what you WANTED me to believe. You were everywhere I went  on the way to church, on the way to my mother's house, at the mall, in the Wal-mart... But I refused to let you draw me back in. Every time we were together I ended up in pain and you couldn't care less. And I've seen that new MESS that you are parading around town a Mac Wrap- a skinny, cracked out version of your last winner. I'm not impressed, it is clearly a sad desperate trick to pique my curiosity. Well you got my attention, but not in a good way. 


So let me just end by saying McDonald's "you're a liar and you're a cheat and I don't want you. No, I don't want you. I don't want you. I don't want you. I don't want you. I don't want you no more!" So take your Mac Wraps and your chemically enhanced food and get out of my life! Please don't make me have to get a restraining order against you, because I will!

"A Little Romance... just a little bit says..."

What?

I logged onto my BELOVED Google Talk this AM to find one of my boys had a very abrasive status message: So you've never been romanced, and now I'm suppsoed to be prince charming??? O.....KKKKKk..:-/

I had no choice but to confront him. Especially since a few of my closest friends, male AND female, are in relationships that lack that one little thing. What happened to the good old days when romance wasn't something you had to do, it was just something that you just did. Now, it is such a CHORE... calling to say hello on a day you were supposed to be busy, picking up some flowers on the way over, surprising them with lunch at work when you are in the area. These things should be easy because it's not about being lovey dovey, it's about showing someone they are cared about & appreciated. This goes for both sexes.

So before I totally went off, I asked him to explain his message. He says that he and a friend were discussing how she now wants/needs some romance in her life. And he can't seem to understand how at 27 she is just discovering that. My response was, I know 27 year old males that still don't know what romance IS, so she may have always known this was what she wanted but had been forced to abandon the idea because no one she had been attracted to thus far knew what it was. I suggested that she was telling him what she wanted & if he chose to proceed without acknowledging that or making some attempt at such he was doing them both a disservice because that is how she ended up romanceless thus far.

I let him know I was not appreciative of the tone of his message as if romance was a foreign, outdated, or despicable concept. He says because he is in a mood at present, he just wasn't feeling it, but that he may consider it. It's strange because, if this were a woman explaining this to a man she would be considered bitter. But what is it called when the tables are turned?

I suggested he get himself together and stop taking his issues out on innocent people via Google Talk. His replacement message was a little more self-actualizing, but still had a hint of lemon. I hope he works whatever it is out and stops forcing me to get all worked up so damn early in the morning! He got my pressure up I need to go eat a banana!