Say WHAT!?!?!?

This blog is a BIT all over the place... but just rock with me, I promise it'll be worth it!

There are times in the process of getting to know someone where communication breaks down. Sometimes it's forgivable, overlookable. But sometimes it's a testament to how the person listens, processes and acts upon what you tell them. I have known many a man who will ask you one thing, receive the answer and then develop something in their heads that when it does not come out how they planned get upset with you. Here's my issue with that. Time and again when they asked me a question I answer THAT question without assumptions or anticipations. So when THAT question is more open-ended than it should be, please don't get upset with ME! Prime example:

Them: What are you doing later? 

Me: Nothing.

Them HOURS later: So where do you want to go for dinner?

Me: I made plans already.

When you make your intentions clear from the beginning, there is no room for misunderstanding. Even in cases where someone wanted to surprise me, there are ways to make sure I'm where you want/need me to be at the right time without saying "I have a surprise for you". It's all about how and what you communicate.

I am a woman who says what I mean and mean what I say. If you interpret it any differently than how I said it, that's totally on you. I choose my words carefully for this very reason. I was a Communications major, I have a way with words, I KNOW what I said. In order to deal with me one must understand this.

I'm not perfect, by any means. There is a song performed by Nina Simone that says:

Oh baby, I'm just human

Don't you know I have faults like anyone?

Sometimes I find myself alone regretting

Some little foolish thing, some simple thing that I've done

'Cause I'm just a soul whose intentions are good

Oh Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood

I SOMETIMES make mistakes in my communication due to emotion, or sleepiness..... But, for the most part I mean every word I say and I expect you to understand that. I don't set out to make things difficult for anyone, contrary to popular belief. But I do expect someone to be able to process what I say the way I say it without inferences and interpretations. If you ask me what I like and I tell you, then you immediately decide to do the opposite, I'm not going to go along just to get along. I said what I said for a reason. I say it all the time, "I'm always right and I'm almost never wrong" so disputing me is futile. Whether that is a good stance to take or not, it simply means I stand by my words. I can give you flowery prose, or I can be so concise and blunt that you may get your feelings hurt; either way I pride myself on my ability to communicate well. If you don't respect and understand that, you don't respect or understand me.

I urge you all to take heed to this. As an adult, you know what you like, love, or are indifferent about. You know what is important to you, what you are proud of, what means the most. If someone does not appreciate it or at least respect those things, they just aren't for you. Don't be afraid to say what you mean. Too often we mince words to keep someone around, failing to realize that we are suppressing a part of ourselves to appease someone else. Many of us have done it for far too long and still come up empty. So why not speak your peace (yes PEACE, think about it!) and let things come together or fall apart based upon  your truths. You'll be happier in the end, I PROMISE!

What You Won't Do For Love...

Listen to this AS you read... there's no video, so your aren't missing anything... lol

Everyone has their pet peeves and their lists and rules, written and unwritten, of things that they will not put up with in a relationship. The number one thing I find intolerable in any relationship (friends, lovers, family, etc.) is being dismissed or disregarded. Now, normally, that would set me off. But I'm trying to be & do better about letting people know how I feel and why one good time before blessing them out! But it truly makes me feel as if you think I am lesser-than and if I care about or for you, that bothers me tremendously. Now, once I have told you this, I expect to only have to remind you once at the MOST! After that? No holds barred. I'm GOING to go deaf with rage (my ears literally start ringing and I can't hear what I am saying) and let the Hulk out on you, verbally. I had an ex-boyfriend that couldn't quite grasp the concept of listening and it drove me BANANAS! But now, I think I try to be just a smidge more patient with people.

This has led me to the question: What do or can I be more tolerable of in the name of "love", "like", "canoodlery"? Well amongst my more minor pet peeves are:

• pretending to know what I'm talking about- I don't need you to humor me... if you don't get it, then you just don't & that's cool.
• stereotyping my girls and me- I can guarantee that neither I nor my group of female friends are like any other females you have ever encountered. So when you think you know how we roll, how we treat one another, what we discuss... you don't! Promise you that!
• mispronouncing things- I am a stickler for grammar, syntax, and pronunciation, for the most part. So saying things like skrimp, or putting the word "The" in front of store names and an "s" at the end... AGGRAVATING!
• not being diverse or branching out- If you only eat fried rice at any asian-esque restaurant or don't trust nothing but the burgers at any restaurant with a burger on the menu or ball your face up when I mention hummus, gyros, or feta cheese or think sushi is SIMPLY raw fish... we might don't make it!
• being an overall bamma- Those shoes with that those jeans? Those jeans with that shirt? That shirt with ANYTHING? *smh* I don't know how I feel about dating a guy that wears stuff that my girls and I would frown on... or do I?

The fact is, ALL of this can be overlookable and even seem a little shallow if you truly like the PERSON and they treat you well. If your friends are really your friends, they should applaud you for overlooking minutae when what you have at the core is a good person. If that person is also compromising in the aforementioned areas, then you may be on to something. But if that person isn't giving way at all and expects you to do all the bending, you may have a problem.

ANY relationship requires some compromise. If someone tells you otherwise they are selfish and not worth your time! Now I have to sit back and ponder what is worth compromising and what is not. I already know being disregarded or dismissed is a "NO GO" in the Book of Bri!!!

Everything else on the short list (very short for me) miiiiight be negotiable. Hmmmmm... We'll see...