Friday, September 7

I... De.... Clare... WAR!

Summer is over. With it's warm nights & cloudless skies it also brought midnight buffets, open bars, long leisurely lunches looking out on the sidewalks of the city, and a fast-paced social calendar that left time for nothing more than Taco Bell & Wendy's en route to the next fabulous soirée! And now, I present to you, my summer love handle! He's back by UNpopular demand. Showing up in all of my finest summer wear & making me NOT want to leave the house.

Initially, I thought, a lil weight for the winter would help me brave the hawk. But, now that I look down at my love-don't-love-you handle protruding ever so conspicuously from my left hand side. I realize I can't take it.

He is taunting me every day. With his defiant, "I'm better than you" demeanor. He hangs out under shirts & over belt loops drawing attention to himself. He's such a showoff. Why can't he be more like my Teletummy? Obedient & barely seen. When I tell Teletummy to play the back, that is just what he does. Never distorting the way my clothes fit, or interrupting a photo op with his incessant demand to be seen!

I declare today (oh wait, make that MONDAY) the last day of truce between Lovey & I! He has ignored my cease-fire order one too many times. So now I am firing back! And I am bringing out the BIG guns... that's right, baby, the PRECOR machine AND the, um, the uhhhhh, the sit up machine thingy, yeah that! and I am coming full throttle. So, say goodbye, homey. You have made my clothes ill fitting for the last time! I have reason to believe that you were in a secret competition with Las Tethas to see who could expand the most & make my clothes the most ill-fitting! BUT GUESS WHAT, LOVEY... YOU LOSE!

Let's do this!

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