Wednesday, February 13

Mid-FEBRUARY Already! I MUST be Dreaming!

The months have been FLYING by for me. I have performed in a step show, survived an anxiety-filled Christmas, had a birthday, and celebrated my beau's birthday all while singing in the choir, participating in an ACTIVE youth ministry & being a full-time grad student. Life has been going on & on & on & on...

This can be a good thing. But it becomes a bad thing when the highs seem stratospherically high & the lows are subterraneanly low! Self-care is imperative! I realize this & sometimes have no time for it at the length it "need be"...

I am in school to become  a licensed professional counselor. "What do that mean, Bri?" It means I need a good therapist! Behind every good therapist, is a good therapist! My life is changing and I really don't understand it all. What I DO understand is I need a better understanding of myself, my motives, my situations, my emotions, my wants & NEEDS. I think I know at least 1 thing I need: A BREAK!

But from what? friends? family? work? school? the ministry? my surroundings? my own thoughts? my reality?

I have an imagination that rivals some of the greatest in the entertainment industry, I promise. So, in my head, I have seen and done a lot of people, places, and things... Wait I didn't mean it like that, or did I? Just kidding... not really.

I have seen my future in a million ways and each way has been more awesome than the one before it. But imagination can be misleading because there are a lot of things that have to go on in the present to enable those dreams to come true in the future. Many times, we are not in control of these things and THIS makes me nervous. This nervousness turns to anxiety & if I am not careful, that anxiety may turn into PANIC! Then, the men in the white jackets need to be called... if I don't take that little white pill. I'm not rambling here. There really is a little white pill that you can take when you are anxious that turns your anxiety down SO LOW, you run out of G.A.S. (give a sh*t- pardon my francais!).

So back to the control issue... I cannot control other people. I may be able to persuade them, but I cannot control them. (And I hate manipulators so that is out of the question.) So I have to trust that those people will do right by me. But what is right? Especially since so much of my future is swirling around getting mixed and mashed up in my head. Even my dreams at night seem real, no matter how strange, I still wake up thinking they are plausible. I mean who wouldn't be ok with having a robot version of themselves filling in for them at work while you take a trip to the moon on a Virgin Galactic rocket with your sisterwives & brotherhusbands?? I mean REALLY! TO THE MOOOON, BABY!

So what am I talking about here? A clear head, a sober mind, a focused vision and a word from the Lord. Oh yeah and a VACATION... not to the MOON... but maybe to the Bahamas... or SOMETHING! and DEFINITELY not on a cruise, cuz apparently those don't end well these days! EEK!

Y'all enjoy what is left of your February and try to stay out of "TROUBLE" tomorrow... ifyaknowatImean!

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