Are You Walking in Your Gifting?

I received a call today from someone I respect and admire spiritually, so when they told me that God had placed something on their heart to say to me I LISTENED! Basically they asked me if I was walking in my gifting. I had NO answer and that bothered me.

Not to brag, but I'm pretty good at quite a few things. So which ONE is my gift? I have dabbled in a few things but nothing seemed to STICK. So here I am, wondering what am I supposed to stick with in order to be able to truly say I am walking in my gifting? There's no online quiz that you can take (maybe there is but would you trust it?) that can help you determine what GOD has called you to do.
You have to hear it from Him.

I have too many things crowding out His voice. So it is time to seriously step away from some things and some people. As I am typing this, I have tears in my eyes because, until today, I thought I was going to be able to keep certain things and still prosper. But so much of what I have been dealing with lately- the good and the bad- has been temporary fixes and issues for things that require more than just a Band-Aid. I have to stop rationalizing with myself and realize I may need stitches or even surgery. It will not be an easy journey. It is one I have taken time and again.

Sometimes I hold myself to a high standard in some areas and not in others. I don't know where that came from, but I am going to keep down this path because this blog is for you and for me. I want what I want but I also want to have the moral high ground. Sometimes these things do NOT match up and I convince myself that it is okay. But it is not okay. I say I am not perfect so making mistakes is okay, and it is. But being willfully ignorant, oblivious, and wrong is not. I always say things are not always black and white. There are not only gray areas, but also COLORS.... MILLIONS of colors! And it is in the choosing of those colors that you determine how your life will be viewed. Cool tones, warm tones, grayscale? I feel like I have not been choosing the best colors lately. But luckily, I still have a little time to paint it over. I have time to draw a different path. I have time to upgrade my standards in ALL areas. I have time to proceed in my gifting. But only if I start TODAY & trust the process.

When I was looking for an image to go with this blog, I came across another blog that was over a year old but spoke to this same thing. This blog says that when you are walking in your gift it will just flow... and right now few things are flowing for me which can only mean one thing: Something is clogging it up! Time for me to do some unclogging and uncluttering to get this flow going and hear from God.

Grammys SHAMMYS!

Let me just say a few things about the Grammys. Keep in mind I didn't watch because... WHY!??!

1. All the GOOD awards were given out before the telecast. Shout out to Chick Corea, Dianne Reeves, Robert Glasper and Lalah Hathaway for their awards.
2. Beck is an artist in every sense of the word. Singer, writer, instrumentalist... ALL of that! "Respect artistry" INDEED!
3. Kanye is out here on his STANLEY for Bey & she couldn't even come to his monsterpiece of a wedding. 
4. Someone mentioned about Beyonce talmbout a billion dollars in the elevator and how she could've sent the elevator down for someone else to come up, namely Ledisi. Someone else mentioned that instead of up Ledisi would've gone out. To which I replied, like the Wonkavator, the elevator would have bypassed Bey in the penthouse & shot through the roof altogether!
5. Beyonce did not bring down na'an' house. I can tell that from the still pics. Ain't no SOUL in there.... you hear me? Ain't. No. Soul.
6. Because there is no soul in there. It does not surprise me that she ASKED to sing a song she had no business singing to be part of something she had no business being in with no regard for disregarding those that had every reason to be on that stage SANGIN!
7. The people that vote for the Grammys get it right sometimes i.e. Beck... but more often than not they get it wrong i.e.  pretty much EVERYTHING ELSE THAT WAS BROADCAST!
8. I'm not here for none of these folkses. And none of these folkses are here for me... And I'm fine with that. I ain't stannin or fannin out, I'm too old for that & so are most folks commenting on the other side of this.
9. Is it true that Bey ASKED to sing a song that Ledisi had already been acknowledged and applauded for rebirthing, killing, resurrecting, and helping it ascend into the heavens!??! Then Beyonce comes out and is meh to the max wit it? Who ordered the snore pie with yawn sauce?
10. Why can't Kanye & Bey & them go softly into that good night & give us a chance to miss them? You know how long Sade has been without an album? Do you know that BBD hasn't released new music this MILLENNIUM? Do you know that you can go have a seat somewhere and stop trying to shove your awesome down my throat? Because if you have to do that.... How awesome can you be, REALLY!?!?

In conclusion, the televised Grammys are a sham! *bangs gavel*

Also, I realize there is no Part 2 to my Italy blog.... because... life... so... it's coming if you still care.

HOLLA!

Planes, Trains & Automobiles (Part 1: Belgium)

So almost 3 weeks ago, I embarked on a solo journey to Europe to attend a conference. To some people that may not be a big deal, but for me it was an amazing experience that opened my eyes, mind, heart and spirit to the possibility of journeying forth alone. I met up with some professors once I got there, but navigating my way there was just me, my backpack & my nylon purse. I took almost every mode of transportation available and took in every second of it!

My journey began on October 23rd. I departed DC via a $3.25 bus ticket to New York. I arrived in NYC around lunchtime & surprised my friend at work. I was not aware the affect my presence would have on her but that is her story to tell... We chatted for awhile about my trip and she wished me well. I took the train to JFK Airport where I embarked upon an 8 hour plane ride to Brussels, Belgium.

I was between France & Netherlands! photo from: http://www.operationworld.org/

Brussels Air is a fantastic airline if you are average height! The headrest was NOT for me. Luckily I had a window seat, so I spent most of my time with my head IN the window. Each seat had a tablet on the back and you had movies, shows, music & games from which to choose. I watched several movies but most notably, The Devil Wears Prada both on the way there & home because... why not? They fed us a snack and a meal and another snack... I don't even eat that often at home! I landed in Brussels and had NO idea what to expect. I sat by baggage claim trying to connect to the wi-fi and tell my mom 6 time zones away that I was in Brussels and not kidnapped. (That was her BIG worry).

I traveled by taxi to Grand Place in the early hours of the morning and wandered the streets for a few hours. Here are some pics...

Belgium is home to tons of cartoonists and famous cartoons including THE SMURFS.

. They even have a museum called the Museum of Original Figures...

ANd of course you know I ate GOOOOD! 

BELGIAN WAFFLES!

STEAK FRITES!

MACAROOOOONS!

And I had a cherry lambic that was EVERYTHING! I hopped the train after about 5 hours in Belgium & was off to Milano.... 

(To be continuuuuuued...)

All You Gotta Do is Say "YES!"

No matter what you may believe in: one God, many Gods, the universe as one being, WHATEVER... this blog is for YOU!

Source: http://www.miraclesarebrewing.com/

First, a little background... I woke up one night many years ago and remembered my childhood dream of being a Child Psychologist. I know, I was always a strange child. I had let other people's opinions and my self-sabotage talk me out of pursuing psychology in undergrad. I spent and am still spending my years after working in communications in some form or fashion. But that day I decided to get me some other education. I got my M.A. in Forensic Psychology in 2007. But by the time I was finished the program and started applying for jobs it was apparent I would have to take a pay cut! No thank you. I knew that I had decided to go after this degree for a reason, so I just waited for the opportunity to present itself.

Fast forward to this summer, I am in the midst of pursuing a degree in Mental Health Counseling in order to become a Licensed Professional Counselor and I have been doing pretty well in school (ok VERY VERY well, but I digress). I was invited to join the honor society and I thought that would be the end of my participation in the honor society because I'm busy! I received a sketchy email, with very few details about the opportunity to travel with the honor society overseas. But I just didn't understand the logistics. So after initially saying yes, I did no follow up and chalked it up as a loss. Some 6 weeks or so later, the faculty advisor for the honor society contacts me again and asks if I would like to attend a conference in Italy. I called a few people some of whom told me no because essentially I would be travelling alone. I prayed on it. I asked some questions to the advisor and I prayed on it some more. Checked flights form this area and was like OH NOOOOOOOOOOOOO "DIS TEW MUCH"!

Then after a weekend of conflict in every sense of the word, I got the ok from "the universe": my boss said he didn't mind me leaving at the end of the fiscal year as long as I got my work done, my close friend randomly called and told me to check flights out of NYC.  Lo and behold, flights were $300 cheaper. So, I said "yes".

I called the advisor out of the blue and the more she explains to me about the trip, the more sure I am that this is what I was supposed to do. She mentioned that the person whose name is on the apartment rental would not be in Italy until later that night so she encouraged me to try to get a long layover somewhere. When I booked my flight I had to decide between Brussels and Zurich. The fat girl in me chose Brussels (waffles, beer, chocolate & steak frites!!) and I accepted the adventure to come. A week later, I receive an email from the professor asking me if I wanted to help present at the conference. ME? the government worker from DC with no counseling experience? the daughter of a single mother who was the first person in her family to graduate college? ME? What do I know? What can I share? Who am I to get up and speak to anyone on anything important? I am the person that is being asked to get up and speak to someone about something. So without hesitation, but MUCH trepidation in my spirit, I said "yes" again.

I go to the website yesterday and see my name and face as well as my "credentials" on the website for this international conference that is less than 2 weeks away. I realized that all I did was say "yes" & everything else fell into place. As I type this, I am fighting back tears because never in my wildest dreams did I imagine presenting on an international platform. I simply wanted to help the children in my area, but God has shown me bigger and better. And all I had to do was say "yes"!

I am learning to trust this process more and more each day! And I encourage you to do the same. The fear and anxiety may not ever go away, but get the hesitation out of your spirit and say "yes". Take that leap of faith & grab on to those opportunities presented to you. You never know where they will lead!

AMEN! 

NAMASTE! 

MAKE IT SO!

Four Little Words

No four words can wreck a friendsjhip QUITE like "why don't you just..."

It is the gateway to judgey, unsolicited advice and the quickest way to let someone know you don't understand their situation. While you may think you are dispensing sage wisdom,  the receiver ain't  receiving. I knoww that when people start a statement like that, I instantly think: "Why don't YOU just shut your face!" Often times people just want to vent so the unsolicited advice isn't even necessary. And the term will likely do more harm than good.

If you feel there is something that just MUST be said, why don't you just rephrase it and save yourself a cold shoulder, a severe side eye in perpetuity or being sent straight to VM forever and ever AMEN.

Many  times  we fail to see that we are "at fault" not in what we say (because if we are all being honest, certain things must be said [I loves me a good paranthetical phrase, don't I?]) but in how and WHAT we say. Maintaining a healthy friendship is about finessin that thing and not coming from a place of harm.

Say WHAT!?!?!?

This blog is a BIT all over the place... but just rock with me, I promise it'll be worth it!

There are times in the process of getting to know someone where communication breaks down. Sometimes it's forgivable, overlookable. But sometimes it's a testament to how the person listens, processes and acts upon what you tell them. I have known many a man who will ask you one thing, receive the answer and then develop something in their heads that when it does not come out how they planned get upset with you. Here's my issue with that. Time and again when they asked me a question I answer THAT question without assumptions or anticipations. So when THAT question is more open-ended than it should be, please don't get upset with ME! Prime example:

Them: What are you doing later? 

Me: Nothing.

Them HOURS later: So where do you want to go for dinner?

Me: I made plans already.

When you make your intentions clear from the beginning, there is no room for misunderstanding. Even in cases where someone wanted to surprise me, there are ways to make sure I'm where you want/need me to be at the right time without saying "I have a surprise for you". It's all about how and what you communicate.

I am a woman who says what I mean and mean what I say. If you interpret it any differently than how I said it, that's totally on you. I choose my words carefully for this very reason. I was a Communications major, I have a way with words, I KNOW what I said. In order to deal with me one must understand this.

I'm not perfect, by any means. There is a song performed by Nina Simone that says:

Oh baby, I'm just human

Don't you know I have faults like anyone?

Sometimes I find myself alone regretting

Some little foolish thing, some simple thing that I've done

'Cause I'm just a soul whose intentions are good

Oh Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood

I SOMETIMES make mistakes in my communication due to emotion, or sleepiness..... But, for the most part I mean every word I say and I expect you to understand that. I don't set out to make things difficult for anyone, contrary to popular belief. But I do expect someone to be able to process what I say the way I say it without inferences and interpretations. If you ask me what I like and I tell you, then you immediately decide to do the opposite, I'm not going to go along just to get along. I said what I said for a reason. I say it all the time, "I'm always right and I'm almost never wrong" so disputing me is futile. Whether that is a good stance to take or not, it simply means I stand by my words. I can give you flowery prose, or I can be so concise and blunt that you may get your feelings hurt; either way I pride myself on my ability to communicate well. If you don't respect and understand that, you don't respect or understand me.

I urge you all to take heed to this. As an adult, you know what you like, love, or are indifferent about. You know what is important to you, what you are proud of, what means the most. If someone does not appreciate it or at least respect those things, they just aren't for you. Don't be afraid to say what you mean. Too often we mince words to keep someone around, failing to realize that we are suppressing a part of ourselves to appease someone else. Many of us have done it for far too long and still come up empty. So why not speak your peace (yes PEACE, think about it!) and let things come together or fall apart based upon  your truths. You'll be happier in the end, I PROMISE!