Yesterday, I was driving out of a parking garage and the attendant happened to be black. I was really surprised. He was asking me why I wasn't smiling and so on & so forth. He asked if I went to church and said he was a minister of music at some church or another. I thought oh a church boy, how nice. I gave him my number, to be nice... (SHUT UP, J!)
He said something weird about his church, something I didn't have time to get into because there was a line forming behind me at the gate. I figured I would still see what he was talking about if and when he called. So an hour or so later, he calls and.... I spent 15 minutes BARELY listening. He began to preach... but not even in a way that made sense. But moreso in a manner that sounded rehearsed and as a catch-all, come to Jesus, I know better than you do way. His spiel was mind-numbing and all I could do was say "oh", "uh huh", and "ok". Everything he said he would quickly defend with some rambling scripture-based mumbo jumbo.
He name-dropped some ministers at mega-churches in this area. I had NO idea who he was talking about. I told him, I go to church every Sunday but I'm not all super churchie. To me a churchie may be different from other's ideas on "churchy". Churchie is a combination of church and groupie. Churchie folks are in it for the status and the sense of being holier than thou. When I told him I didn't know who he was talking about when he said something about some guy at some church as if he was THE guy to know if you knew anybody anywhere at any church. His reply was, I'm not churchy either, I didn't get into the church until I was 13. *blank stare* Sooooo, how is that not churchy or churchie??
Later after he spent 12 minutes ranting and 3 minutes name-dropping he said, "But I'm not tryna preach to you!" Imagine my surprise! "Are you sure about that?" I asked. He said he was just blah blah blah *more spiel here* He says that his church teaches him to go out and recruit souls and share the message of Jesus Christ or something. Now please understand, I am not mocking discipleship in anyway. I hope this doesn't come off that way; anyone that knows me knows I love the Lord. What I am mocking is the dude himself. My response to him was: "Well I always thought that part of discipleship was gauging how receptive your audience is to your message." It reminded me of my homie Leon's blog about the Hebrew Israelites in Columbia Heights (check it out here) and how they just YELL at you as you walk down the street, instantly making you NOT want to hear what they are talking about!
The point is, I ain't wanna hear all that! I am all for letting people know that you follow God, but what I heard from him was just short of cult-like, brainwashed, defensive babbling.
Needless to say, I wasn't feeling him. All red flags had been raised & all bets were off. I was ready to get off the phone and pray because my spirit was THAT disturbed! He made some other churchie comment about listening to some music for church on Sunday. I bid him adieu and instantly saved him in my phone under a name that would ensure I didn't accidentally answer the phone for him again.