Tuesday, May 25

Ain't No Cure for the Summertime Blues (or IS there?)

(courtesy of  http://www.toonpool.com)

It's summer in the city. And for some reason, when the weather gets hot, I do too. I guess spring & summer in the city looks GOOT on me! yes "goot"!

The number of guys that "try to holla" goes up exponentially with every degree over 70! (it's a scientific fact that is empirically based on my on research... thesis forthcoming, or not.) But seriously, the men in this city turn into true predators or something during the warm weather. Howling at everything, sniffing around, salivating... *sigh*

The guys I know always say just because a man says "hi" doesn't mean he's trying to holler. If that's the case, then they need to tell the other guys to stop trying to holler after saying "hi". Too often, after saying "hello", "hey", "whaddup", "Good morning, sweetheart", etc. a conversation tries to rear it's ugly head. And some guy that CLEARLY believes in the law of averages tries to get his stone cold mack on. For years, we have been trying to figure out how to nip this in the "butt", as someone ignant used to say- I forgot who.

Things I've tried:
  1. Pretending not to hear them before or after the hello. That usually gets me cursed out as I walk away.
  2. Pretending to be deaf. I know what you're thinking, that's not nice. But that was in my not so nice days back in '01 when I had no worries, no cares, no religion & no respect! Ha! This only made the dude talk LOUDER, by the way.
  3. Pretending to have a boyfriend. This only causes them to invoke the "Male Friends Clause" which clearly, if you don't have it in  your relationship, then your man ain't a good man!
  4. Smiling and politely declining as I walk away. THIS, apparently is the most heinous of reactions because THIS has gotten me embarrassed. I have been literally HOLLERED at for this as well as had a man sing "Come & Talk To Me" from across the plaza @ Judiciary Sq. This also has gotten me SHOVED in the club, to which I responded with a shove and a blind rage and barrage of words that surely involved expletives. (I don't really recall as I went deaf after being SHOVED by a grown man.)
The situation may seem hopeless, however, I found a solution in the most unlikely of places. I was talking to a married friend of mine outside of  her place of business in the heart of SE, DC. Two unseemly guys were walking toward us as we chatted on the sidewalk. They were eyeballing us from the time they rounded the corner, until the walked up on us at the other end of the block. My girl S, paused in the conversation and in the MOST polite and no nonsense manner I have ever borne witness to she said: "How y'all doing?" They quickly said: "Hello," and added some pep to their saunter. I said, "WOOOOW, that WORKS!?!?" She gave a half-laugh and said, "Girl, yes!"

I was DUMBFOUNDED and relieved. Cobra Kai ain't got NOTHING on me now!
FINALLY, I have figured out how to verbally sweep the leg!

Hopefully, the guy is so off guard that he loses his balance and thus,
I win!

1 comment:

Leigh said...

This was funny! Gotta get them before they get you. Thank you Sensei!