Feelings, Nothing More Than Feelings

This is gonna be real short...

I find it interesting when people who didn't seem to consider your feelings in the past, even when you make them abundantly clear, tell you that you hurt THEIR feelings. Your whole interaction with them consisted of their laissez-faire attitude and you dealing with it... Yet when you then treat them the way they treated you- not out of spite, but out of natural self-preservation- they seem shocked and appalled to be face to face with themselves. But you realize that you have adapted, and they have not. When you were concerned about their feelings, they were only concerned about themselves... Once you realize that you are walking on eggshells for nothing, they are still only concerned with themselves. *shrug* What'reyagonnado?

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

So I made a VERY difficult decision in December of 2009. I had to cut ties with someone that had come to mean a lot to me despite the fact that everytime I was with them I ended up sick on the stomach, literally. It had gotten to the point where enough was ENOUGH! I decided as of January 1 we could no longer deal with each other in anyway. I would not be coming to visit, I would not be hooking up for old times' sake, I would ignore all things even ASSOCIATED with them. And on this 25th day of January things have been going well, but I'm really getting the urge to stop by just to say "Hi". *sigh*

He has even resorted to havin his guys call me... REGULARLY! Why can't he just leave me alone? He wasn't very good to me when we would get together so why now that I'm gone is he trying to draw me back in. But where he really messed was I saw his next one & she is NO treat. I mean really, she's just so unappealing to me I know for a fact now that he has NOT upgraded since I left... HA! So, if you all don't mind, I would like to get some things off my chest...

*ahem*

Dear Mr. McDonald,
Please tell your fries to stop calling me. I have told them time and again that you and I have broke up & I ain't never coming back! I loved you and all you ever did was make me sick, sad and fat! At first I thought I couldn't live without you, because that is what you WANTED me to believe. You were everywhere I went  on the way to church, on the way to my mother's house, at the mall, in the Wal-mart... But I refused to let you draw me back in. Every time we were together I ended up in pain and you couldn't care less. And I've seen that new MESS that you are parading around town a Mac Wrap- a skinny, cracked out version of your last winner. I'm not impressed, it is clearly a sad desperate trick to pique my curiosity. Well you got my attention, but not in a good way. 


So let me just end by saying McDonald's "you're a liar and you're a cheat and I don't want you. No, I don't want you. I don't want you. I don't want you. I don't want you. I don't want you no more!" So take your Mac Wraps and your chemically enhanced food and get out of my life! Please don't make me have to get a restraining order against you, because I will!

Take Time

Take time, to get away,
Free your mind, and fly away...
- Ledisi

This weekend I celebrated my 31st year of  life with some meetings and a concert and a gathering and some awesome people. Monday and Tuesday I was at my leisure and I cannot tell you how incredible it felt to take some time off from STUFF & THINGS and do whatever. I had things to attend to Saturday and Sunday I was in church, but after that, I was on my own time until Wednesday. Monday I spent serving the community and then chillaxing with friends but MOST of the day & night was spent lying around. It was awesome!

The great thing about me being so leisurely is that there were people that decided to spend their leisure time with me as well. I didn't have to even ask... they just WANTED to chill with me and I wanted to chill with them. and we chilled. No clock-watching, no places to be, no clock watching. And it meant alot to me that they took time to spend with me and I them. I LOOOOVE "my time" so when I choose to spend it with you, you should feel honored and appreciated.

So, with that said, I want to thank those that took time earlier this week to spend with me. It truly meant alot. I just want to tell you all that the most important way to show someone how you feel about them is by spending TIME, not just money.

PARCHED!

Yesterday on Twitter someone I follow posted a pic of some girl wearing a thong, holding a hand written sign with her MySpace & Twitter info up in the mirror. *sigh* First of all, the "young lady" did not even have the wherewithal to write the information in reverse, the means by which to FLIP the picture so the information was readable, or the spatial perception to be able to fit it all on a 8.5 x 11 sheet properly; not too bright. Second of all,  her bottom, while big was also discolored and a little dented up; unattractive. Third, and most importantly, she was self-promoting  in a thong all over the internet; low self-esteem. Now granted, I don't KNOW this child from a pile of dust, but I can make some educated guesses about her from that picture. I am not passing judgment I am moreso questioning her motives and the motives of other "young ladies" like her that I see all over the internet.

Hey, I was wild & free at one point. But I also attempted to maintain a modicum of modesty. My girls and I have turned down NFL players and been BRUTALLY honest with well-known entertainers. Here's an example:

We were partying it up on the stage at a well-known DC hotspot in about 2006 or so (I'm bad with dates). A well-known entertainer was standing nearby and struck up a conversation with us. He asked us if we liked his outfit. We looked him up and down, I shook my head and my girl said: "No, you look DUMB!" He continued to talk to us and even introduced himself as if we didn't know who he was, we did.  And we told him we did. He continued to talk and laugh with us for the rest of the night anyway.

The point of this story is the OTHER women in the club that night. They were standing close by whispering and giggling and then coming over, poking their chests out and swinging their weaves smiling in his face, dancing extra HARD all around him and TRYING to get his attention. In between their displays, he would laugh and talk to us. These other women would be what urban slang refers to as "thirsty". Urbandictionary.com defines thirsty as such: 1. Too eager to get something (especially play) 2. Desperate. Use of the word "play" not withstanding, this is exactly what THOSE women were. Over the years, I have watched "thirsty" transform into downright "parched". I subscribe to various urban blogs that feature pictures of women out in the streets, scantily clad, sans undergarments posing for the cameras and allowing who I presume to be strangers do things to them that only a husband should do to a wife in the privacy of their boudoir and sometimes employing the use of a "safe word". But I digress.

What has these YOUNG females SO attention-starved that they are embarrassing their parents AND children all over the world wide web? Many people would say that it is because they didn't have a daddy. But I know several women who didn't have a daddy and I have YET to see them touting their goods (or bads) on the interwebs. And who is to say that a daddy could stop these shenanigans? I know OF adult entertainers whose parents are still together.

So what IS the problem? BET! Ok, not really, but really. The media glorifies overt sexuality and rewards whoremongering and foolishness. I enjoy a lil public decompensation every now and then (it's the forensic psychologist in me), but NOT to the detriment of our youth and young and extremely impressionable women-to-be.

As I was typing this blog, another picture surfaced on Twitter of a "young lady" with "Five-Star Chick" tattooed from shoulder to shoulder and neck to chest. I understand this is from a song that is out by some extremely unfortunate looking "young man" that goes by the name Yo Gotti. I had to Google all of this because, I'm out of the urban radio loop! But as I read the lyrics... his definition of a Five-Star Chick (which isn't even the TERM he uses) isn't five-star at all. It is, to me and the WOMEN I know, standard. Here are some of the qualities he lists:

1.  Not living with her mother.
2. Not fighting in the club.
3. Not a groupie.
4. Nice shoes and purses.
5. Can cook and clean.
6. Went to college.
7. Pledged a sorority. (perhaps this is optional)
8. Has good credit.

This isn't five-star. This is being a responsible ADULT. He also mentions an extreme amount of sexual conduct and other FOOLISHNESS! All of which is "rewarded" by him giving her money. *sigh*

How thirsty, sad on the inside, and low standard having can you BE to allow THIS man and other ne'er-do-wells of his ilk (pun intended) to have you tattooing your ENTIRE chest and advertising your "wares" on the internet?

Nowhere does he mention anything about a TRUE five-star lifestyle which includes money in the bank, investments, nor any 5-star restaurants, hotels or vacations. I just googled the remix and GUCCI MANE mentions meeting him AT a five-star hotel. But a REAL five-star woman should have her OWN room in said hotel. (I feel my brain ROTTING as I read these lyrics). There are verses by Trina and Nicki Minaj that actually address these matters, it seems but the manner in which they do it kind of causes the "message" to get lost amongst the ignorance, bad grammar, and braggadocio.

Somehow along the way, the next generations' standards have been LOWERED. The things that I think are basic standards have become the mountaintop and those things I thinkof as sub-par have become what is basic. Even spawning a term in the urban community. How did THEY get to this LOW point? and how can WE help them see beyond it. This up and coming generation isn't just THIRSTY, they are PARCHED for something better. But their goals and ways and means have been skewed and sullied by the likes of THIS guy:

I, for one plan to do something about it. These "young ladies" are being turned into a generation of "Olivias"- lost and turned out and certain members of society are rewarding them for it. All they see is the reward, not the retribution, risk, or repercussions.

So to the girls on the internet who will read this (wait, they probably won't *smh*) who will think I am "hating" on you. I'm not... I just want YOU to want better for yourself and understand that you have to set your standards not Yo Gotti, or Trina, or Nicki Minaj, or Gucci Mane... or the guy on Myspace posing with the stack of money (likely ones)... or the guy on Twitter DMing you about how nice your body is. YOU have to want better and DO better for yourself. You have to be able to look in the mirror and LIKE who you see fully clothed! Quench your own thirst, don't waste your valuable time seeking out someone to quench it for you.

Just as an aside: I started this blog with a totally different idea in mind, but once I saw that Twitpic and started researching those lyrics... I had to go where the writing led me...

Past Future Tense

Before what used to be has come
I wonder what will be
And what it will feel like when what has yet to be
Becomes what was.

I try to stay in the moment...
"Feel your feet on the floor,
Feel the pen in your hand..."
But the other shoe has already dropped
Days, weeks, months ahead
Anticipatory or pessimistic?

What is is of no consquence
When what is no more looms on the horizon
What once was
Replaces what today still holds
January 2010
Is now January already been
And I can't make head or tails
Of the here the now the then the when

As I feel my feet on the floor
And the pen in my hand
I push the what doesn't have to be
Further away
Pushing it beyond today... and tomorrow...
Pushing it beyond next week, month, year
Pushing it until it falls over the edge
Into what may or may not be...

My Brush with Fame

I follow some celeb-type folk on Twitter for the WTHeck factor... and 2 of those people are S. Marbury & G. Arenas.  Those of you unfamiliar with their tweets or internet infamy let me briefly recap: S. streamed for like 24 hours and during that time he was seen shirtless, sobbing, and eating Vaseline. Additionally, S. tweets randomness and adds love is love to the end. Meanwhile, G. recently brought unloaded guns to practice and subsequently took to Twitter to share "jewels" and "gems" that are often gramatically incorrect and lack proper syntax. So, the parallels are: NBA stars, poor life decisions, and non-sensical Twittersations (Twitter conversations for those not so quick on the draw).

Recently, G. has been tweeting ad nauseum. Some stories that take up to 7 tweets and other tweets that you have to read a few times, change the tense of the words & add conjunctions and such to even make sense of them. It's funny to me because that's just my sense of humor... *shrug* Prior to this, S. was doing something similar. I ignored most of what S. said because it was all just too much foolishness, but I kept following on the off chance he would stream live again. It wasn't until he suddenly RE-appeared yesterday that I even noticed he had been missing. I found his sudden re-emergence so soon after Arenas' becoming the new NBA ticking time bomb funny, so I tweeted: So *insert S.'s Twitter name* got worried about *G's Twitter name* coming for his gig as 2010's Decompensating Athlete on the Internet, huh??? Clearly a joke! Previously, I had been retweeting G.'s tweets with little comments and no response (not that I was expecting one). I sent the S. tweet & carried on with my evening. A few minutes later, I get an email that S. is now following me on Twitter. and a few minutes after that I receive a DM: Thanks for thinking about me and then writing your thoughts about me to the world. You said your peace now do you and try to live your life. I found out that he had also asked his FOLLOWERS to ask me why I felt the need to associate him with others who don't think or feel like him. Why would I associate an NBA player that tweets nonsense on Twitter and mentioned that he doesn't even like peanut butter so he doesn't think he could eat Vaseline with an NBA player that tweets nonsense and was live on the internet EATING Vaseline? Hmmmm...

To me, the greatest part was hours later one of S.'s followers said to me... & I quote: bri if u don't get it or don't know just ask don't assume it just makes u look like a follower be a leader ask.
 SO, with my first tweet being in the form of a question AND the fact that this person called ME a follower after following S.'s request to HIS followers, I had one of the best laughs of 2010 thus far.

Needless to say I didn't respond to ANY of these folk. And as it is my first amendment right, I will continue to say as I please about WHOM I please and refer to them directly. Now I guess you're wondering why i didn't put their NAMES in it. cuz I am over my 15 minutes of fame & don't want anyone Googling this. Hmmmm, maybe I do...

So thanks, Stephon Marbury for not being able to take a joke... or being like Gilbert Arenas & just ignore me... lol.

File this under: Things that Only Happen to Bri

I'm Different!! AGAIN!!! TODAY!!!

In these first few days of 2010 and the last few of 2009, I've noticed some folks in an almost neurotic state of Lookatmeosis. This is a recent phenomenon that has been brought about thanks to social media such as Facebook and twitter. It consists of people updating the world on how happy and super satisfied they are with their new life, new love, etc., which everyone has done at some point, especially me. The difference is the TONE, consistency and frequency of these updates. When the reader begins to question the writer's intentions or even the genuineness (is that a word?) of the yammerings.


Now, like I said, I've been guilty of what some have called "Jesus-tweeting" where I truly WAS so enthralled by what God has done for me, brought me out of, and helped me to see I had to tell the world. But those that really knew me and were witnessing my transformation knew that I was truly becoming who I was saying I was. I am definitely not who or where I was last year. It was a process and one which I am still undergoing. Those who only knew who I WAS were very vocal and very indirect with their dissent, which didn't get addressed because, it wasn't worth it. I was convinced and didn't need to defend myself or reassure myself in any way. But the people I have observed recently seem to be trying to convince themselves that they are changing or changed, but nothing other than the neurotic "Look at me" updates have changed.

For example, one person is constantly updating about their new relationship etc etc... But all their other updates consist of ALL the things that caused their last attempts to fail. But there they are on your screen almost yelling, it seems: "Look at me! I'm different... Again... Today..." And all you can say is: Good luck with that, let me know how that turns out for you," and pray that they really are different... again... today.