Sit Down, Chris Brown

So as everyone knows by now, thanks to CNN, Chris Brown had a bit of a fit yesterday after Robin Roberts kept asking him about Rhianna. This was literally LATE breaking news on CNN yesterday afternoon. While reporting on the earthquake aftermath in Japan, the air raid in Libya & maybe a little bit about that tiny little scuffle we have going on in Afghanistan, CNN thought it important to talk about Chris Brown breaking a window at Good Morning America. Good JOB!

But here is how I feel. Chris Brown need intense therapy and a time alllll the way out from the industry AND civilization. His immediate tweet after the incident was about his fans. THIS IS A PROBLEM! He needs to focus on doing what's best for HIM, not these fans out here.

And where are his PEOPLE?? Though he is over 18, he has NOT grown up yet. He really needs to go sit waaaaaaaaaay down somewhere waaaaaaay far get knee-deep in some therapy & work out his deep-rooted issues. He needs better people around him or something. This is just ridiculous.

I was a fan of his comeback, but it seems Ibelieved in him more than he believed in himself... *sigh*

The Same Old Song & Dance

So Willow Smith is on tour...
And i just have ONE question.... Does she have MORE than one song? if so, does she have more than TWO? WHAT on God's blue earth constitutes tourworthy? Doesn't the opening act do MORE than one song?? I'm just wondering...

And why can't this lil heffa have a seat & LEARN something. She already stated she doesn't know "the maths" & anyone who has seen her interview knows the lil heffa isn't good at the fancy book-learning.

This Tweet Smells like LEMONS!

It seems that I know more bitter men than I do women. Angry at some girl that broke their heart in 10th grade. Or mad because they used up all their money on someone that was only marginally interested. Or lost their trust to a big butt & a smile. Whatever it was, they are still holding on to it. THEY carry as much baggage as they say women do, if not more. The worse part is, many don't even know it!

As I read their tweets, I realize just how disgruntled and out of touch they are. Commenting on how their woman should look & be shaped & they are squat & rotund as ever. Spouting that a woman should do this & that for their man. When they are struggling to keep their cell phones on or sleeping on a pull-out couch. For some reason some of them seem to think that by virtue of them being male, they are free to criticize, gripe & complain about things that, in the grand scheme of things means nothing! And it all stems from some girl they thought they were in love with until she hurt them, cheated on them, broke their heart or turned out to be a hoe. lol!

But seriously, so many men I know disguise their bitterness behind jokes, but it still smells lemon fresh. I think that most of you know that I am all about being honest with yourself FIRST. And the fact of the matter is, some of the men I know aren't. And if they are, they are tweeting & FB posting these ridiculous things in hopes of masking something. But what they are actually doing is drawing attention to themselves. *sigh*

Check My Dictionary

In my adult life, I have had several instances of someone jocking my steez or copying my style if you will. Now understand, I'm no fashion-plate. But style is more than that. I have an easy way about me as do my closest friends. People tend to remember meeting us because we are friendly, chatty, and just plain weird!

As you already know I creates my own slanguage. And I have done so for years & years. And for years & years, people have been borrowing from it heavily. I'm cool with it, I guess. But I may have to start copyrighting or trademarking it so I can get paid though.

I'm sheepy & I want ice cream... good night.

Check This: OnBlast Awards 2011

You all may or may not know that I contribute to another blog called OnBlast. It's all about celeb gossip & overopinionated women.
We got together & came up with our own awards... Here's just a taste:

Our first category....Sit Down, Trick 

This is for the people we were SO over seeing on our tvs!

Rhianna - she's dyed her hair, she's run her mouth, she's shown her tail... not it's time to take a seat

Amber Rose - I'm sorry, what or who was she before Kanye?

Beyonce - Do you realize she only has like 2 albums. And she wants to claim Icon status???

Sarah Palin - She is everywhere, commenting on everything & knowing NOTHING!

Kim Kardashian - If she gets anymore work done to her face, she'll be on the too much plastic surgery scale somewhere between Joan Rivers & the CAT LADY herself:

And the Winner is..............

Sarah Palin

**********

This next award is dedicated to: BANs 

Those of you who are familiar with urban venacular can pretty much figure out what this term stands for, so we won't get into that. But what the term means is those celebs that give off a soft vibe. Not necessarily gay, just some guys we think we could take in hand-to-hand combat.

Terrence Howard
The Dream 

Swizz Beats 

Puffy

And the winner is: Terrence Howard
Mr. Baby Wipes himself. Just the reading of his name evokes the scent Johnson & Johnson baby lotion & pink gloss nail polish. UGH!

*shudders* GRRRROSS!

Want more?? Check it out here: The 2011 OnBlast Awards

Jury DOOTY! (or DOODIE)

Jury duty on a Monday morning... WOMP WOOOOOOMP!

I stopped at Chick-Fil-A for breakfast & grabbed a 6 inch roast beef sub for lunch. I had a feeling it was going to be a loooong day. IT WAS! I sat in the jurors' room for and hour or 2 as they called the red group and the green group and the blue group and the purple group. 3 civil cases that weren't ready to question the jury and one civil case that needed their jurors immediately. 5 people on my row alone had been called already. I thought that had lessened my chances... it had not. The announcement came that there was a CRIMINAL case that was ready for selection IMMEDIATELY and they were calling in 56 people. I sighed heavily & packed up my things. I somehow just KNEW I was going to be called. Sure enough I was #9. UGH!

I headed into the courtroom and knew this was going to be a doozie. I tried to answer the questions they asked TRUTHFULLY. But I should've been like the ornery woman that worked for Postal Police. For every question she had a yes for the follow-up question was always: Will this hinder your ability to make a fair decision in this case... to which she gave a resounding YES! FREAKING INGENIOUS! Had I done the same this blog would be about how much MORE money I spent in the grocery store AND the Target because I had so much time on my hands. But I did not & it is not. Instead I ended up with 3 black men, 2 older white women & 8 black women of varying ages as a jury of peers for an 18-23 year old male.

I was chosen in a narcotics case. Hurrah. The defendant was wearing glasses. I was not fooled. I had just heard a report that said defendants wearing glasses are more likely to be found "Not Guilty". They gave us some instructions & dismissed us to lunch. When we returned, the inexperienced State's Attorney gave her opening statement. Then the d-bag defendant's attorney gave his opening statement. And they called their first witness. It was a detective that was there the night the drug house they found the defendant in was served with a search warrant. The attorney's inexperience showed. But what took the cake was when the defending attorney POUNCED on the witness. He was SUCH a jerk it made it uncomfortable for everyone including the judge. It was beyond aggravating to see him try so hard to poke holes in an already swiss cheesy case. He kept trying to trip the detective up, which I understand is a lawyer's job. But the forcefulness & the the manner in which he went about it wasn't necessary. Especially in THIS case because the state's case was SOOOO thin. Eventually the detective said he was familiar with attorney's methods. RED FLAG RED FLAG!

At that point, the judge called the attorneys to the bench & ordered the jury out of the courtroom. As we sat in the jury room. We discussed what had gone on so far & all pretty much concluded the same things. Then as we realized we had been in the room for quite some time. We started speculating on what was taking so long. Most thought they were trying to convince the state to drop the case. After about 30 minutes to 6 hours... I'm not sure because I didn't have a watch, the bailiff says the judge wants to talk to us. That is when he came in & informed us of 4 things:

1. The state's attorney was indeed new.
2. The defending attorney was VERY experienced in defending against narcotics charges (in fact he was NOTORIOUS for it)
3. The defendant pleaded guilty.
4. The defendant was already in jail for other drug-related charges.

MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN, I was HEATED! I was mad because I already knew all 4 of those things. This fool wasted my WHOLE DAY! Got up off his jail cot that morning, got dressed in his button down & jeans & sneakers, got transported to the courthouse & sat through the jury selection, lunch, and opening statements... all that just to plead guilty at 2:30 or 3:00 PM!!??! He could have done that first thing in the morning!

And just now as I was typing this, I realized that they asked if anyone knew any of the parties involved & one guy appeared to know the defending attorney.... Hmmmmmmmmm... I wonder how.

WELP, the good news is I got to go to my fave grocery store when it was EMPTY & I don't have to serve for the next 3 years! Woop Woop!

Rhi-Rhi's Smell

My guess would be... .hmmmmmmm

1. Red Kool Aid
2. Budussy
3. jerk fish
4. and a HINT of marijuana

What say you?

Charlie Sheen is NOT of this World

Please understand that Carlos Irwin Estevez is NOT one of us!

This dude is either sub or SUPER human & lately he has been showing us ALL!

Since his escapades of hookers & blow have come to light (hookers & blow sounds SO 1975) AND his show has been cancelled he has been everywhere, talking to whoever has a microphone & saying any & everything... Here's just a sample (in no particular order):

1. I've got magic. I've got poetry at my fingertips.
2. It's been a tsunami. And I've been riding it on a mercury surfboard.
3. I closed my eyes and in a nanosecond I cured myself.
4. Touch my children and I will eat your hands off your arms.
5. 
   If you can bring me a souvenir from that moment when your father locked you in the closet, then bring it to me.
6. This is me not on drugs bro.
7. The run I was on made Sinatra, Flynn, Jagger and Richards look like droopy-eyed armless children.
8. I don't sleep. I wait. (he's been on the Chuck Norris site!)
9. We're Vatican assassins. How complicated can it be?
10. Resentments are the rocket fuel that lives in the tip of my saber. (I'm sorry, WHAT?)
11. Imagine what I would have done with my fire-breathing fists.
12. My success rate is 100 percent. Do the math. (*counts on fingers* ummm ok, yeah so...)
13. Sorry my life is so much more bitchin' than yours. I planned it that way.
14. The only thing I'm addicted to right now is winning.
15. You borrow my brain for five seconds and just be like 'Dude, can't handle it. Unplug this bastard.'
16. I have a 10,000-year-old brain and the boogers of a seven-year-old.
17. I'm just going to sail across the winds of the universe with my goddesses.
18. I'm going to hang out with these two smoooooking hotties and fly privately around the world.
19. It might be lonely up here but I sure like the view.
20. Why give an interview when you can leave a warning?  

These are my fave 20... But really in ANY conversation, there are very FEW questions you could pose where ANY of these would be appropriate answers. Can you imagine sitting there with a straight face while THESE things came out of his mouth. Couch jumping ain't got NOTHING on THIS guy!

 Let's pray that Charlie Sheen returns to his planet safely. *side eye*

"D**N, homie, in high school you was the man, homie...

WTF happened to you!?!?"