Monday, April 12

A Failure to Communicate

So it would seem, the less interested you act... the more interested a guy becomes. I have two problems with this:
  1. I don't like playing games.
  2. What if I'm really NOT interested?
It appears that I have no choice in the latter. I just got off the phone with a guy I met in Glen Burnie back in February after he gave me his parking space in a crowded parking lot and subsequently pulled up behind me to "holla". I was in a hurry, so I cut the small talk, took his number & ran inside the building. After leaving, I decided to go ahead and get it out of the way, so I called him. He seemed cool. Older, divorced, one child that is about 10, business owner... several businesses. Then, his inconsistencies began to show.

He'd ask what I was doing on a certain day because he wanted to see me go to dinner, etc. Then I wouldn't hear from him for a week. This happened more than once. But I guess since we never set a time, it's not really considered being stood up, right? So after the first time, I just didn't take him as a man of his word... and he didn't make any effort to be one. I stopped calling. He did not. He would call late. He would call early. He would call 2 times within a few hours. (But not in a stalkerish calling everyday kind of way... just once a week or so) I would look at the phone with the "Mm." face. Now some guys may be saying that ain't right, blah blah blah. And really that is true.

The last time he called, I answered. It was late and I was in Miami so I picked up the phone without looking thinking it was one of my friends that was down there at the time. It was not. I was short with him, told him I was in Miami and he asked me to bring him a real estate paper back. WHAT??? He said it would be a good reason for us to link up. After the various previous missed links, I knew there was a very slim chance I would see him or talk to him anytime after that. I was correct.

It has been almost exactly one month since I went to Miami. about an hour ago my phone rings & I recognize the number as his. I took a deep breath and answered the phone. I was determined to make it plain today. I was dry, short & less than chatty. He noticed, but apparently that wasn't enough for him. He continued to talk as if we had just spoken last week. He asked what area I worked in & said he wanted to do lunch. Then he started telling me where he was and asking if that was close to where I worked. I told him no. He kept talking about going to lunch and I point out to him that I never agreed to go to lunch with him. He asks if I have time for lunch today, I say yes. He asks if I can go to lunch today, I say I COULD. I think he may finally be starting to get it.

Finally after a few more minutes of pained conversation I said: "The last few times you said you wanted to see me, you didn't even bother to call back."

His response: "I've been busy, I've got businesses to run. I'm hiring people and firing people. I get sidetracked." (I know someone in a similar situation who has made time to text, or call, or send a FB message... SOMETHING.)

I say, dryly, "For weeks at a time?"

He laughs a little and says. "Well, over that time, as strange as it seems I WAS thinking about you, if you can believe that. I just really been busy."

"Well, you can make time for anything if you wanted to."

"This is true."

"You didn't leave me with a great impression."

Here he goes into a spiel about even if we're just friends he thinks I'm a good person. And good people need good people and this and that and the other. Insert mixed metaphors and misinterpreted cliches here. BLAH! He apologized several times. Then, after allll that he says: "So when can we try again this week?" Is he serious? I said what happened to going to lunch this afternoon. He said he wouldn't be done until 9 PM. Ummmm huh? I reminded him that he JUST said something about going to lunch today. He says he is free until 12. It was 10:50. He says the ball is in my court, yadda yadda. I say I am free Wednesday. He says ok how about an early dinner. I ask what is early. He says 8. I'm thinking 8 isn't early, that's dinnerTIME. He says ok then 6 on Wednesday. I say, sure. And he tells me to call him later. I say goodbye and hang up. I talk to my girl via IM... and then, I share it with you.

So, here is my rationale. I had never informed him that I found his previous actions to be egregious. So I cannot, in all fairness, fault him for them. Upon informing him of such, it is only fair to give him the opportunity to redeem himself. His age and assumed level of experience with women, notwithstanding, I cannot assume that he knew better though I am fairly certain he did. I have made it plain for him and will no longer bite my tongue. We'll see how THIS turns out... *eyeroll*


Anonymous said...

he sure did call you a lot. damn.

back in the day, that would be called stalking. i guess the new way to "get" a girl is to call 20 million times until they give in.

B. Cooley said...

HA! the calls were so sporadic that they weren't considered stalking, to me. It was just like random. Only once or twice a week.