Feelings, Nothing More Than Feelings

This is gonna be real short...

I find it interesting when people who didn't seem to consider your feelings in the past, even when you make them abundantly clear, tell you that you hurt THEIR feelings. Your whole interaction with them consisted of their laissez-faire attitude and you dealing with it... Yet when you then treat them the way they treated you- not out of spite, but out of natural self-preservation- they seem shocked and appalled to be face to face with themselves. But you realize that you have adapted, and they have not. When you were concerned about their feelings, they were only concerned about themselves... Once you realize that you are walking on eggshells for nothing, they are still only concerned with themselves. *shrug* What'reyagonnado?

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

So I made a VERY difficult decision in December of 2009. I had to cut ties with someone that had come to mean a lot to me despite the fact that everytime I was with them I ended up sick on the stomach, literally. It had gotten to the point where enough was ENOUGH! I decided as of January 1 we could no longer deal with each other in anyway. I would not be coming to visit, I would not be hooking up for old times' sake, I would ignore all things even ASSOCIATED with them. And on this 25th day of January things have been going well, but I'm really getting the urge to stop by just to say "Hi". *sigh*

He has even resorted to havin his guys call me... REGULARLY! Why can't he just leave me alone? He wasn't very good to me when we would get together so why now that I'm gone is he trying to draw me back in. But where he really messed was I saw his next one & she is NO treat. I mean really, she's just so unappealing to me I know for a fact now that he has NOT upgraded since I left... HA! So, if you all don't mind, I would like to get some things off my chest...

*ahem*

Dear Mr. McDonald,
Please tell your fries to stop calling me. I have told them time and again that you and I have broke up & I ain't never coming back! I loved you and all you ever did was make me sick, sad and fat! At first I thought I couldn't live without you, because that is what you WANTED me to believe. You were everywhere I went  on the way to church, on the way to my mother's house, at the mall, in the Wal-mart... But I refused to let you draw me back in. Every time we were together I ended up in pain and you couldn't care less. And I've seen that new MESS that you are parading around town a Mac Wrap- a skinny, cracked out version of your last winner. I'm not impressed, it is clearly a sad desperate trick to pique my curiosity. Well you got my attention, but not in a good way. 


So let me just end by saying McDonald's "you're a liar and you're a cheat and I don't want you. No, I don't want you. I don't want you. I don't want you. I don't want you. I don't want you no more!" So take your Mac Wraps and your chemically enhanced food and get out of my life! Please don't make me have to get a restraining order against you, because I will!

Take Time

Take time, to get away,
Free your mind, and fly away...
- Ledisi

This weekend I celebrated my 31st year of  life with some meetings and a concert and a gathering and some awesome people. Monday and Tuesday I was at my leisure and I cannot tell you how incredible it felt to take some time off from STUFF & THINGS and do whatever. I had things to attend to Saturday and Sunday I was in church, but after that, I was on my own time until Wednesday. Monday I spent serving the community and then chillaxing with friends but MOST of the day & night was spent lying around. It was awesome!

The great thing about me being so leisurely is that there were people that decided to spend their leisure time with me as well. I didn't have to even ask... they just WANTED to chill with me and I wanted to chill with them. and we chilled. No clock-watching, no places to be, no clock watching. And it meant alot to me that they took time to spend with me and I them. I LOOOOVE "my time" so when I choose to spend it with you, you should feel honored and appreciated.

So, with that said, I want to thank those that took time earlier this week to spend with me. It truly meant alot. I just want to tell you all that the most important way to show someone how you feel about them is by spending TIME, not just money.

PARCHED!

Yesterday on Twitter someone I follow posted a pic of some girl wearing a thong, holding a hand written sign with her MySpace & Twitter info up in the mirror. *sigh* First of all, the "young lady" did not even have the wherewithal to write the information in reverse, the means by which to FLIP the picture so the information was readable, or the spatial perception to be able to fit it all on a 8.5 x 11 sheet properly; not too bright. Second of all,  her bottom, while big was also discolored and a little dented up; unattractive. Third, and most importantly, she was self-promoting  in a thong all over the internet; low self-esteem. Now granted, I don't KNOW this child from a pile of dust, but I can make some educated guesses about her from that picture. I am not passing judgment I am moreso questioning her motives and the motives of other "young ladies" like her that I see all over the internet.

Hey, I was wild & free at one point. But I also attempted to maintain a modicum of modesty. My girls and I have turned down NFL players and been BRUTALLY honest with well-known entertainers. Here's an example:

We were partying it up on the stage at a well-known DC hotspot in about 2006 or so (I'm bad with dates). A well-known entertainer was standing nearby and struck up a conversation with us. He asked us if we liked his outfit. We looked him up and down, I shook my head and my girl said: "No, you look DUMB!" He continued to talk to us and even introduced himself as if we didn't know who he was, we did.  And we told him we did. He continued to talk and laugh with us for the rest of the night anyway.

The point of this story is the OTHER women in the club that night. They were standing close by whispering and giggling and then coming over, poking their chests out and swinging their weaves smiling in his face, dancing extra HARD all around him and TRYING to get his attention. In between their displays, he would laugh and talk to us. These other women would be what urban slang refers to as "thirsty". Urbandictionary.com defines thirsty as such: 1. Too eager to get something (especially play) 2. Desperate. Use of the word "play" not withstanding, this is exactly what THOSE women were. Over the years, I have watched "thirsty" transform into downright "parched". I subscribe to various urban blogs that feature pictures of women out in the streets, scantily clad, sans undergarments posing for the cameras and allowing who I presume to be strangers do things to them that only a husband should do to a wife in the privacy of their boudoir and sometimes employing the use of a "safe word". But I digress.

What has these YOUNG females SO attention-starved that they are embarrassing their parents AND children all over the world wide web? Many people would say that it is because they didn't have a daddy. But I know several women who didn't have a daddy and I have YET to see them touting their goods (or bads) on the interwebs. And who is to say that a daddy could stop these shenanigans? I know OF adult entertainers whose parents are still together.

So what IS the problem? BET! Ok, not really, but really. The media glorifies overt sexuality and rewards whoremongering and foolishness. I enjoy a lil public decompensation every now and then (it's the forensic psychologist in me), but NOT to the detriment of our youth and young and extremely impressionable women-to-be.

As I was typing this blog, another picture surfaced on Twitter of a "young lady" with "Five-Star Chick" tattooed from shoulder to shoulder and neck to chest. I understand this is from a song that is out by some extremely unfortunate looking "young man" that goes by the name Yo Gotti. I had to Google all of this because, I'm out of the urban radio loop! But as I read the lyrics... his definition of a Five-Star Chick (which isn't even the TERM he uses) isn't five-star at all. It is, to me and the WOMEN I know, standard. Here are some of the qualities he lists:

1.  Not living with her mother.
2. Not fighting in the club.
3. Not a groupie.
4. Nice shoes and purses.
5. Can cook and clean.
6. Went to college.
7. Pledged a sorority. (perhaps this is optional)
8. Has good credit.

This isn't five-star. This is being a responsible ADULT. He also mentions an extreme amount of sexual conduct and other FOOLISHNESS! All of which is "rewarded" by him giving her money. *sigh*

How thirsty, sad on the inside, and low standard having can you BE to allow THIS man and other ne'er-do-wells of his ilk (pun intended) to have you tattooing your ENTIRE chest and advertising your "wares" on the internet?

Nowhere does he mention anything about a TRUE five-star lifestyle which includes money in the bank, investments, nor any 5-star restaurants, hotels or vacations. I just googled the remix and GUCCI MANE mentions meeting him AT a five-star hotel. But a REAL five-star woman should have her OWN room in said hotel. (I feel my brain ROTTING as I read these lyrics). There are verses by Trina and Nicki Minaj that actually address these matters, it seems but the manner in which they do it kind of causes the "message" to get lost amongst the ignorance, bad grammar, and braggadocio.

Somehow along the way, the next generations' standards have been LOWERED. The things that I think are basic standards have become the mountaintop and those things I thinkof as sub-par have become what is basic. Even spawning a term in the urban community. How did THEY get to this LOW point? and how can WE help them see beyond it. This up and coming generation isn't just THIRSTY, they are PARCHED for something better. But their goals and ways and means have been skewed and sullied by the likes of THIS guy:

I, for one plan to do something about it. These "young ladies" are being turned into a generation of "Olivias"- lost and turned out and certain members of society are rewarding them for it. All they see is the reward, not the retribution, risk, or repercussions.

So to the girls on the internet who will read this (wait, they probably won't *smh*) who will think I am "hating" on you. I'm not... I just want YOU to want better for yourself and understand that you have to set your standards not Yo Gotti, or Trina, or Nicki Minaj, or Gucci Mane... or the guy on Myspace posing with the stack of money (likely ones)... or the guy on Twitter DMing you about how nice your body is. YOU have to want better and DO better for yourself. You have to be able to look in the mirror and LIKE who you see fully clothed! Quench your own thirst, don't waste your valuable time seeking out someone to quench it for you.

Just as an aside: I started this blog with a totally different idea in mind, but once I saw that Twitpic and started researching those lyrics... I had to go where the writing led me...

Past Future Tense

Before what used to be has come
I wonder what will be
And what it will feel like when what has yet to be
Becomes what was.

I try to stay in the moment...
"Feel your feet on the floor,
Feel the pen in your hand..."
But the other shoe has already dropped
Days, weeks, months ahead
Anticipatory or pessimistic?

What is is of no consquence
When what is no more looms on the horizon
What once was
Replaces what today still holds
January 2010
Is now January already been
And I can't make head or tails
Of the here the now the then the when

As I feel my feet on the floor
And the pen in my hand
I push the what doesn't have to be
Further away
Pushing it beyond today... and tomorrow...
Pushing it beyond next week, month, year
Pushing it until it falls over the edge
Into what may or may not be...

My Brush with Fame

I follow some celeb-type folk on Twitter for the WTHeck factor... and 2 of those people are S. Marbury & G. Arenas.  Those of you unfamiliar with their tweets or internet infamy let me briefly recap: S. streamed for like 24 hours and during that time he was seen shirtless, sobbing, and eating Vaseline. Additionally, S. tweets randomness and adds love is love to the end. Meanwhile, G. recently brought unloaded guns to practice and subsequently took to Twitter to share "jewels" and "gems" that are often gramatically incorrect and lack proper syntax. So, the parallels are: NBA stars, poor life decisions, and non-sensical Twittersations (Twitter conversations for those not so quick on the draw).

Recently, G. has been tweeting ad nauseum. Some stories that take up to 7 tweets and other tweets that you have to read a few times, change the tense of the words & add conjunctions and such to even make sense of them. It's funny to me because that's just my sense of humor... *shrug* Prior to this, S. was doing something similar. I ignored most of what S. said because it was all just too much foolishness, but I kept following on the off chance he would stream live again. It wasn't until he suddenly RE-appeared yesterday that I even noticed he had been missing. I found his sudden re-emergence so soon after Arenas' becoming the new NBA ticking time bomb funny, so I tweeted: So *insert S.'s Twitter name* got worried about *G's Twitter name* coming for his gig as 2010's Decompensating Athlete on the Internet, huh??? Clearly a joke! Previously, I had been retweeting G.'s tweets with little comments and no response (not that I was expecting one). I sent the S. tweet & carried on with my evening. A few minutes later, I get an email that S. is now following me on Twitter. and a few minutes after that I receive a DM: Thanks for thinking about me and then writing your thoughts about me to the world. You said your peace now do you and try to live your life. I found out that he had also asked his FOLLOWERS to ask me why I felt the need to associate him with others who don't think or feel like him. Why would I associate an NBA player that tweets nonsense on Twitter and mentioned that he doesn't even like peanut butter so he doesn't think he could eat Vaseline with an NBA player that tweets nonsense and was live on the internet EATING Vaseline? Hmmmm...

To me, the greatest part was hours later one of S.'s followers said to me... & I quote: bri if u don't get it or don't know just ask don't assume it just makes u look like a follower be a leader ask.
 SO, with my first tweet being in the form of a question AND the fact that this person called ME a follower after following S.'s request to HIS followers, I had one of the best laughs of 2010 thus far.

Needless to say I didn't respond to ANY of these folk. And as it is my first amendment right, I will continue to say as I please about WHOM I please and refer to them directly. Now I guess you're wondering why i didn't put their NAMES in it. cuz I am over my 15 minutes of fame & don't want anyone Googling this. Hmmmm, maybe I do...

So thanks, Stephon Marbury for not being able to take a joke... or being like Gilbert Arenas & just ignore me... lol.

File this under: Things that Only Happen to Bri

I'm Different!! AGAIN!!! TODAY!!!

In these first few days of 2010 and the last few of 2009, I've noticed some folks in an almost neurotic state of Lookatmeosis. This is a recent phenomenon that has been brought about thanks to social media such as Facebook and twitter. It consists of people updating the world on how happy and super satisfied they are with their new life, new love, etc., which everyone has done at some point, especially me. The difference is the TONE, consistency and frequency of these updates. When the reader begins to question the writer's intentions or even the genuineness (is that a word?) of the yammerings.


Now, like I said, I've been guilty of what some have called "Jesus-tweeting" where I truly WAS so enthralled by what God has done for me, brought me out of, and helped me to see I had to tell the world. But those that really knew me and were witnessing my transformation knew that I was truly becoming who I was saying I was. I am definitely not who or where I was last year. It was a process and one which I am still undergoing. Those who only knew who I WAS were very vocal and very indirect with their dissent, which didn't get addressed because, it wasn't worth it. I was convinced and didn't need to defend myself or reassure myself in any way. But the people I have observed recently seem to be trying to convince themselves that they are changing or changed, but nothing other than the neurotic "Look at me" updates have changed.

For example, one person is constantly updating about their new relationship etc etc... But all their other updates consist of ALL the things that caused their last attempts to fail. But there they are on your screen almost yelling, it seems: "Look at me! I'm different... Again... Today..." And all you can say is: Good luck with that, let me know how that turns out for you," and pray that they really are different... again... today.

The Year in Review (sorta)

So this is not something I planned or thought over before writing. It came to my head & now I am following my heart. I am going to try to get through this without getting weepy, mushy, sappy, etc. So here goes nothing...

I turned the big 3-0 this year and to be honest with you, I stopped "making plans" after college. I followed my heart & God's hand & let things be. Would I like to have been married by now? Sure. Would I have wanted to be elsewhere in my career? Of course. But this year I have learned to trust in the Lord with all mine heart. So I take solace in knowing that as long as I am making an effort, I am where I am supposed to be.

This year I have loved-n-lost and liked-n-left. I am usually pretty good at cutting ties. But there has been a line of communication or 2 that remains open for a good reason or another.  I have learned plenty and I have taught a lesson or two. Overall, I had a growing experience in the "romantical" relationship arena. I am thankful that my experiences have left me better, not bitter.

As far as friendships, I have an amazing and diverse group of friends that have helped me become a better friend to them through frankness and honesty and for that I am thankful. However, I have also been taught how NOT to be a friend. I have been lied to, lied on and talked about. And amazingly, I just laughed about it. I am still laughing about it because, I have found a peace that they don't have. I have tried to share it with them, but they either weren't accepting of it or they thought they had it all figured out. It is their soul, they can do with it as they see fit. *shrug* But I am thankful for clarity.

Then there was my family. My mother had an in-home accident that ended up changing everyone's life. While she is better, now... I spent the bulk of my summer balancing work, school, an internship and visits to the hospital. It was trying and tiring but with the help from my family, we all got through it. It made us all the more appreciative of each other. I am thankful to have had the support I needed and the support my mom needed.

I have had so many GREAT & awesome times from my birthday to R & B's Tour of DC. Finally my grandmother & mother's prayers have been answered and I found a church home. I am still just as vibrant and fun-loving as ever. But, I am also more focused, determined, confident and satisfied with my life. I don't party party party like I used to, but I still step out and have a ball. I don't drink drink drink like I used to, but I have been known to sip a glass of wine & get all warm & fuzzy. I don't date date date like I used to... hey who am I kidding I haven't had multiple dates in a matter of days in years! That got old QUICK, but even the chase, pursuit, catch and release has lost its luster for me. I am less apt to give out my number, or share more than a passing "hello" these days. I am happy with it just being me and patient, observant and in-tune enough to know when to give the green light. I have learned not to second guess my first instinct. Overall, this year, more than any year before, I can see growth in every area of my life.  For that I am TRULY thankful!

So, enough with the sippy sappy... I just had to get that out. Back to your regularly scheduled shenanigans!

GUEST BLOG: Lil Wayne's World- The Breakdown

I have an email crew (the EMC) and all day long we discuss the celeb romances, breakups, breakdowns, and so on. Well recently we were discussing Lil Wayne's "situation" and my sister, Erica, is a self-proclaimed Lil Wayne FANATIC so she decided to break it down for us. What she brought forth was riveting enough to be part of a VH1 documentary. (Please note I tried to edit out the strong language as to not offend anyone's sensibilities... if I missed a word, forgive me).

I'd Rather be Alone

Than be here unhappy...

Much against my better judgement I was listening to Michael Baisden and he was discussing being alone for the holidays. He made it seem like SUCH a bad thing or even a BIG DEAL. I was with someone last Christmas and it wasn't all'at. Despite the Christmas cheer & all that. It just wasn't what I needed it to be. I mean bless his heart, I am sure he tried... ok, maybe not. But, the point is, I wasn't diggin it. and if I had to choose between a replay of last holiday season & THIS holiday season, unattached... I'd prefer this holiday.

What I am not going to do is bash him but, all I'm saying is why is there SUCH a big deal made about being alone on the holidays? Sure I only have that ONE recent holiday relationship upon which I am basing my opinion, but the fact remains I am happy with the way things are. I'm not gonna cry under the mistltoe, or sob deeply while decorating my Christmas tree. It's not that serious to me.

For those that it IS that serious for, think about this: your last relationship, how did it end? Don't just think about the good times, think about the WHOLE thing; how things really were. Really focus on the entire time around the holidays, not just Christmas Eve, by the fire, playin Boyz II Men. And ask yourself do I miss EVERYTHING? or just that? If you have never been in a relationship around the holidays, then you aren't even missing anything but what you never had.

One holiday doesn't make me the Subject Matter Expert, but it's common sense to see that what you have before you is possibility and opportunity. Not loneliness & tears. Ther eis a reason things didn't work out with you and whomever and the sooner you are okay with that; the sooner you can begin to ENJOY your holidays!

When Somebody Loves You Back

A friend sent out an email today to all her single (read unmarried) friends. She was posed 3 questions by a male friend & asked us to answer them... Below are my answers. I didn't think about them for a while & then respond, I responded off the top of my head. Check it out...
_____________________________________________

How do I want to be loved?-
Unconditional love is a term that people made up in an effort to not have to feel guilty or apologize when they do something dumb. Sure we are all flawed, but no one is gonna stick around while you make out with your exboyfriend over and over or spend 4 nights a week in the strip club. NOw, with that said, I want to be loved by feeling taken care of. I have been taking care of myself for so long, I want to know how it feels to know that there is a MAN out there that is making sure I am taken care of. I am not saying he has to smother me or pay all the bills while I spend money on shoes & handbags. I mena in a more practical sense. If something is broken and I can't fix it, I want a man that can or knows who to call to fix it and takes care of it without me having to give it another though. My man needs to understand that love is in the details. Love is in the sum of all parts... sure you call me everyday, but what are you saying? Sure you bought me a gift, but did I have to tell you what I wanted or did you pay attention during our conversations and figure it out? I want to be loved like the SAT... don't GUESS... know that you know. If you don't know, STUDY! The more you guess and get it wrong, the lower your final score will be. But don't just ignore the parts you don't know... LEARN THEM. Love is hard work & I need the man that loves me to know that.

If a man wants to marry me, what do I expect him to do to get the two of us there?
 I need a plan of action, with more action than plan left. I need to know that WE won't have any pre-existing conditions with no progress being made to correct them. People are flawed, but for me that is not an excuse to be lazy, complacent, etc... I understand that there are women out there ready to get married & will say "YES" before the question is even finished. But the man that wants to marry me needs to know that I am not that woman. So the concept of wanting to marry me isn't enough. One thing I have learned is that men will SAY a whole lot, but until they start to do more, it is just words.

What do I know he would need to do for me to be happy?
 I need him do be reliable AND dependable. He would need to listen actively and most importantly understand my sense of humor. He would need to know how to lead and know when to allow me to lead and know when we need to walk side by side. My head hurts & my fingers ache so I will stop right there...

When Love Calls...

You better answer...

 Cause it might be a big mistake

If you decide to hesitate... -Atlantic Starr

For so many of my female friends, in this metropolis, love is a foreign concept. Partially because we are jaded and partially (read mostly) because what we have encountered in this area has fallen exceedingly short of what we would hope love would be. Believing the confessions of love when we knew better because true love escaped us for so long. Hemidemisemilove felt better than no love at all. Knowing that it wasn't 100, we journeyed forth in hopes that eventually he would mean it & show it & know it. We wait for his words to become real feelings which would become real action which would become real love. But in reality, we were waiting for the other shoe to drop and the semblance of something to turn to nothing.

So what happens one day when REAL Love calls and you don't even recognize the voice? Just out of the blue, in the middle of your crazy situation, love calls and it's requesting your attention. Do you answer or do you send it to voicemail? Do you put it on mega-hold while you bring your conversation with Hemidemisemilove to a close?

When Love calls is it an emergency? Can you call Love RIGHT back? Do you question Love's timing? If Love were to call you collect right now, how ready would you be to accept the charges?

If love were calling right now would you/could you answer? I surely can't answer it FOR you because honestly, I don't even know if I can answer the phone for myself...

The More Things Change

The more they... well, change. I went to my alma mater's homecoming this weekend and had an AMAZING TIME. While so many things were the same ole, same ole... alot of things had changed, DRASTICALLY!
In just one year, two of the most infamous dorms on campus had been torn down: the athletes' dorm & the boys' dorm. The cafeteria had been expanded and sexified! The tailgates had been moved AWAY from the stadium... BOOOO! The venue for the Alumni Cabaret had also been changed.

As i was there celebrating my school's centennial and my line's 10th anniversary, I thoroughly enjoyed myself, but at the same time, I realized that things were VERY DIFFERENT. Due to the dorms being torn down, the tailgates weren't close to the game & I therefore missed seeing ALOT of folks. Due to the Alumni Cabaret venue being changed, the space was MUCH larger and more difficult to navigate & I therefore missed seeing ALOT of people.

Of the people I DID see, things had chnaged with them as well.

• There was my girl that had moved into her HOUSE & was introducing me to her boyfriend for the first time, both things we had already discussed and we both knew were a long time coming. 
• There was the man that had offered to take care of me when I was unemployed & uncertain of my next move a few years ago. Who now has a girlfriend & a child. He was talking to me about how that would have been me & I was assuring him that I would NOT have been having his child... But he continued to talk about how he was all set to take care of "his baby", in this instance meaning ME. While THEN that would have been a good idea, I can't imagine being a kept woman NOW...
• There was the man that I took to be a complete fool in undergrad that is now a professor, and subsequently trying to hang out with me when he's in town (well that part hasn't changed AT ALL!)...
• And then there was the confession from one of my oldest male friends... It was a very mind-boggling experience, and one that I am still wrapping my mind around. I was going to discuss it here, but even I keep SOME things private... HA!

Overall, the weekend was eye-opening to see how some people and places and situations had evolved so much. And fascinating to see how some people and places and situations had barely made lateral moves. (I wonder if they ever told that girl that the bill collector was looking for her. *shrug*) It has given me lots to think about here at home. I have some decisions to make on how & what I need to change because change is necessary for growth, CLEARLY. There are situations that are calling out for change in my life & changes I need to make to the places I go, and people just BEGGING to have their statuses changed. What is it you need to change to facilitate growth in YOUR life?

Who Can I Run To?

This is yet ANOTHER blog about friendship. *sigh*

I, in NO WAY purport to being an expert on the subject, but over the years I have learned what a friend is and is not through my mistakes and through others' actions. So today when I came across an ongoing situation between a friend and one of her old friends I began to notice some people don't know who their REAL friends are.

I am not going to go into detail about the situation, but this old friend, we'll call Olivia to avoid confusion, has recently told my friend to burn the road up because she doesn't need her. Olivia has decided that her internet friends are her real friends because they encourage her shenanigans, put up with her foolishness (for their own entertainment), and tell her "yes" when they should say "AW HELLLLLLL NAW!" (sorry for the "bad" words, but seriously here...)

Social Networking sites have given the mentally unstable, lonely, bored, lost and turnT out- much like Olivia- low-self esteemers a place to run wild & free and congregate with others just like them or worse! Instead of it being a place to keep in touch with folks, it has made many people lose touch with reality.

So many people say the internet isn't real life... and to a certain degree I concur. But at the same time these are REAL people with whom we are dealing. When I start taking people or things TOO seriously, it's time to let it go. Nothing on the internet should be THAT serious. If it isn't worth handling in person, then it's not worth getting upset about over the net. But there are Olivias out there that use Twitter, MySpace, Facebook, etc. for validation and comfirmation.

The first place I go when I have a real life issue is to the Lord, then inside, then my friends and family. The first place OLIVIA goes is to Facebook. There is a diconnect here! is NOTHING private, sacred, or just too embarassing for you to discuss in the wide open like that? Not family, not children, not sex, not alcohol.... EVERYTHING is for public dissection and consumption. Eventually the lines begin to blur between right & wrong, good & bad, friends & foes, reality & fantasy. Eventually you begin to craft your own reality from your internet life and that NEW reality becomes all that matters.

What Olivia fails to realize is that when it ALL really falls down. My friend cannot and will not be there to help her put it back together like she has done before. This internet family that she has built up like a fortress to protect her from the miserable existance that is her true reality likely won't be there when she REALLY needs something. She is relying heavily on them to fill the empty space within her and THEY are relying heavily on her for entertainment. But she can't see it because, for now the attention is all she wants and craves. Reality has become too much for her and has since been replaced by internet life. As she stands there contemplating on the RIGHT thing to decide... her internet friends are leading her in the WRONG direction and her real friends are being kicked to the curb or in SOME cases abandoning a sinking ship!

So what is the moral of this "story"? The internet is a place where REAL people congregate, but it is NOT your REALITY. REAL friends aren't only there when you want to go out & have fun... or when you turn on your computer. They're there when you have no place else to go, no money to spend and nothing to celebrate. REAL friends don't agree with all of your ideas and co-sign & "like" every update. They tell you when you're wrong, advise you to make better decisions, tell you what you don't want to hear and ask you to have a seat when you're doing too much. REAL friends don't air their issues with you on social networking sites. They pull you to the side, call you on the phone, and sometimes they even let you make your own mistakes & look silly all by yourself. REAL friends help you fill that empty space PROPERLY.

I just hope that the next time Olivia needs someone to run to, she has at least one REAL friend left.

I Just Don't Wanna Be Lonely

Merriam-Webster defines lonely as follows:
Function: adjective
1 a : being without company : lone b : cut off from others : solitary

2 : not frequented by human beings : desolate

3 : sad from being alone : lonesome

4 : producing a feeling of bleakness or desolation

Loneliness is a scary feeling and I have wrestled with it time and again. Loneliness may have won the battle, but it never won the war. I have always gotten ME back. I am thankful to be able to be honest with MYSELF before all else.
But, what about those who can't or won't? Those that cannot look in the mirror and say: "I feel cut off from others. I am sad from being alone. I feel bleak and desolate." What becomes of the lonelyhearted? Simple answer, they remain lonely. No matter how much they wrap themselves in things or people or activites, inside they are still quite sad. I'm all for smiling when your heart is aching, but at some point you need to address the heartache. The answer won't be easy as nothing simple ever is. But introspection and true understanding of who you are and what makes you tick are the only way to solve the internal issue of loneliness.
Here's a hint though, another person is not the answer. Surrounding yourself with new friends, old friends, a new man or woman, an old flame will not take that loneliness away. You can convince yourself of this and sooner than later you will be surrounded by people and still lonely. Loneliness does not equal alone. You can be alone and have the time of your life, but you can also be surrounded by people and feel like the loneliest person on the planet.
Combating loneliness takes inner-strength.You have to be able to stand on your own two feet to fight it. And from what I have seen, some people just cannot. Because they refuse to believe they can or choose not to do so. It really hurts me to see it.
Millions of people have overcome circumstances, much worse and done much better! Why do you think you can't? Because you don't want to.  Too many times people try to play loneliness off as boredom, but in reality, when you do things to subside the boredom, you still feel sad deep down inside. Because you weren't really bored, you were lonely.
Loneliness can lead to poor decisions and acts of desperation that end up being detrimental in the end. To try and smother that lonely feeling you often scramble to "fix" a problem that only ends up agitating it more. The lesson in loneliness is learning to hear God's voice. The lesson in loneliness is understanding you and realizing that only you have what it takes to conquer this demon. The lesson in loneliness is honesty and self-confrontation. If you find yourself rely solely on other people to help you out of your loneliness, you have not learned your lesson and will only make yourself more lonely in the process. You and you alone are all you need to conquer loneliness. Not that you cannot or should not reach out to others, but you have to chose the RIGHT people to help you out. Honest people, trustworthy people, people with your best interest at heart... these are the people to reach out to for help. But you must be prepared within yourself to handle what it takes to overcome.
It seems some people just don't have it in them to stand before loneliness and win. Those are the people that will remain lonely because, no matter what, they will forever do and say things, put themselves in situations, and so on and so on... with just ONE outcome: loneliness.

If you don't want to be lonely, you must first be strong.

It's Not Me, It's You... SERIOUSLY!

Everyone knows the old breakup line.... "It's not you, it's me." THat is all well & good when you want to let someone down easy. But there are some people that need to know that it is INDEED them and not just when you are breaking up with someone; I mean in everyday life.

For example, this morning I was at the snack bar upstairs in my office building and there was a guy with some dumb accent rapping up the chick at the register. He was slowing her down and being  an overall distraction. "You have an attitude..." he says. "NO I don't have an attitude!" she says as she rolls her eyes in her head without ever making eye contact with him.

Now if for some reason, you are thinking this girl sounds like she has an attitude... then you are annoying, CONGRATULATIONS! lol

Folks need to realize it's not OTHER people's attitudes... it's YOUR annoying ways. The guy talked to her through about 6 customers. She looked at me & cut her eyes like: "THIS guy!" and he was steady yammering. Her body language, lack of eye contact, terse responses, and monotone voice was no indication to him that she didn't want to be bothered. Instead, to him, it was indicative that she had an attitude. I was frustrated FOR her. I know she totally felt like Monie in the middle and didn't want to "prove his theory" of her having an attitude by telling him how she really felt. *sigh* Why can't it be that she is just not interested in holding a conversation and that just be okay? Why is it such a personal affront when a person just doesn't want to talk to you? Some people don't WANT to be friendly & guess what, that's okay... SERIOUSLY it is. So the next time you think someone has an attitude, maybe it's JUST YOU!

I REFUSE!

I will not be addressing the foolishness pulled at the VMAs last night... SORRY!

Why Are You Hollerin'?

Due to a poorly scheduled meeting, I missed President Obama's live speech last night, but I did happen to catch the highlights and that CLASSIC picture of Obama, Biden & Pelosi when their heads and eyes SHOT to the left (our right). Twitter was a-twitter with requests to flood Joe Wilson's phone lines, email and webpages. How ironic that his name is ACTUALLY Joe after the Republican's references to other ignoramuses named Joe; namely Joe Six-Pack and Joe the Plumber. But I just have one question for Joe Wilson: "Why are you HOLLERIN'?"

It made me think about those people that yell out at healthcare town hall with crazy, nonsensical, tourette's syndrome-like randomness. A friend told me about a town hall meeting her colleague attended. There was a man there that kept yelling out "DEREGULATE"! But when he was asked: "Deregulate what?", he just yelled it out again. Then there was the lady that actually stood up and yelled: "These people opt-out of health insurance and spend their money on flat screen tvs and tennis shoes." To which Mr. Deregulate chimes in: "AND MALT LIQUOR!" *falling out laughing* Sorry but that is funny, because it goes to show that those town hall hollerers are just.... blind with rage over IMAGINARY people. Who are these healthcare opt-outters that spend their healthcare money on malt liquor, shoes and televisions? I don't know these people and I assure you they don't either. HA! But you know who they THOUGHT they were referring to, riiiight?

But I digress... It has been said  that there is a time and place for everything but hollering is almost always WRONG! If you are having an intelligent debate with someone and that person started HOLLERIN, that person usually doesn't have anything else to say and begins HOLLERIN as a last resort. If you are in an argument with someone and that person starts HOLLERIN it's usually because that person is lying. So WHY in a situation where someone is trying to impart information to you in a LARGE group would you just start HOLLERIN? Why are you SO emotional at an INFORMATIONAL SESSION where decorum and respect are expected and observed that you just start HOLLERIN.

I am going to ruffle some feathers, but I know what it is. YOU MAAAAAAAGD! You are EMOTIONAL about the results of the election. And your "good face" cracked and the real you shone through at the MOST inopportune time. What a pity!

But Mister Wilson, why weren't you hollerin at W when he was lying about those WMD? Why weren't you MAAAAAAGD about him sending our children off to die? Why weren't you emotional that suddenly we weren't looking for Osama Bin Laden anymore? Oh no, you decide to holler about the less fortunate receiving healthcare! You decide to get MAAAAAAGD about helping someone that isn't part of your circle get the help they need! You decide to get emotional because you just don't WANT to work with the person in the place of authority! Instead you want your bill to just be accepted without incorporating any other ideas. But guess what, if your way had worked before, Mister Wilson, you would be in the majority or at least have some significant showing in Congress and you wouldn't have to resort to foolish frat boy tactics to get your way. This is reminscent of Revenge of the Nerds; the Tri-Lambs have finally won because people were tired of living under Alpha Beta's reign of terror and fear. HA!

There is a way to handle differences, but hollerin only makes people not listen or take you seriously. So congrats Mister Wilson, you have managed to earn a CRAZY amount of money for your opponent in South Carolina (and let's not even go into THAT states' history). You can apologize and give all the explanations you want, but the point is, healthcare had nothing to do with your outburst, sir, and we all know it. Be honest with yourself, is all I ask, because WE know...

P.S. why did the Republican party have to tell you that they wanted you to contact the White House & state that your statements were inappropriate? Why didn't you just KNOW better? huh? HUH?

Let's Just Agree to MOVE ON!

OK folks, it's moving day!

The "buzz" of the morning is the Chris Brown interview on Larry King last night. Guess what? I didn't watch it. I saw that twitter was a-twitter about it from comments on his clothing, his demeanor, his grammar... And I'm wondering why do you care?

There were tweets about statistics, with NO statistics... and people so passionate it seemed they were crying at their keyboards. Now, I know that when the incident FIRST happened, my girls and I got into a HEATED discussion. But, that seems LIGHT YEARS away.

I hear he had on a FOOLISH outfit and I was considering tuning in for that ONLY. But other than that, I didn't care and that doesn't make me a bad person. I have REAL things to worry about, things that affect me DIRECTLY like who got eliminated fro Top Chef last night... HA! (I kiiiid, I kiiiid!)

But seriously folks, whether you think CB was right or wrong... whether you think RhiRhi was a victim or an agitator... The justice system has spoken! So unless CB is asking you to help him appeal or something... let's just move on...

There's Healthcare reform, bad azz children on the metro... SOMETHING... I am not even requesting to agree to disagree, I am requesting we all move on... onward & upward, people! C'mon!

Skinny Jeans WIth Dresses.... on BOYS?

So a friend of mine has pointed out the latest trend on these DC streets. Islamic style attire... WHY?

I did notice the other day a young man in a long black thobe and a taqiyah- in essence a long black dress and a muslim style beanie- with just a HINT of skinny jean peeking out. I was impressed by this young man's religious convictions that enabled him to walk through a otriously unsafe neighborhood in such garb. Until I began seeing more and more young men dressed this way. Now, three wordds come to mind: WHAT THE HE**?

Why is this the new fad? Why is this the new white tee and jeans? Why are the little boys in DC such followers? Why can't these kids come up with a new fad that is actually ATTRACTIVE? (Gray sweatpants and New Balance will forever by in my heart!) *looks off into distance thinking of HIM in gray sweatpants*

Aaaaaaaand I'm back...

Why on earth would a man want to put on slim fit jeans and a dress? in the summer? in DC?

Which leads to the next question: Is it disrespect to do so? these garments aren't fashion to those of the faith, they are direct reflections of the wearers religious commitment. By these non-adherents rocking it in the streets, is that minimalizing the sacred nature of the garments and their meanings... Which, byt the way, I don't know the history of, I'm just wondering wassupwitdat...