The Year in Review (sorta)

So this is not something I planned or thought over before writing. It came to my head & now I am following my heart. I am going to try to get through this without getting weepy, mushy, sappy, etc. So here goes nothing...

I turned the big 3-0 this year and to be honest with you, I stopped "making plans" after college. I followed my heart & God's hand & let things be. Would I like to have been married by now? Sure. Would I have wanted to be elsewhere in my career? Of course. But this year I have learned to trust in the Lord with all mine heart. So I take solace in knowing that as long as I am making an effort, I am where I am supposed to be.

This year I have loved-n-lost and liked-n-left. I am usually pretty good at cutting ties. But there has been a line of communication or 2 that remains open for a good reason or another.  I have learned plenty and I have taught a lesson or two. Overall, I had a growing experience in the "romantical" relationship arena. I am thankful that my experiences have left me better, not bitter.

As far as friendships, I have an amazing and diverse group of friends that have helped me become a better friend to them through frankness and honesty and for that I am thankful. However, I have also been taught how NOT to be a friend. I have been lied to, lied on and talked about. And amazingly, I just laughed about it. I am still laughing about it because, I have found a peace that they don't have. I have tried to share it with them, but they either weren't accepting of it or they thought they had it all figured out. It is their soul, they can do with it as they see fit. *shrug* But I am thankful for clarity.

Then there was my family. My mother had an in-home accident that ended up changing everyone's life. While she is better, now... I spent the bulk of my summer balancing work, school, an internship and visits to the hospital. It was trying and tiring but with the help from my family, we all got through it. It made us all the more appreciative of each other. I am thankful to have had the support I needed and the support my mom needed.

I have had so many GREAT & awesome times from my birthday to R & B's Tour of DC. Finally my grandmother & mother's prayers have been answered and I found a church home. I am still just as vibrant and fun-loving as ever. But, I am also more focused, determined, confident and satisfied with my life. I don't party party party like I used to, but I still step out and have a ball. I don't drink drink drink like I used to, but I have been known to sip a glass of wine & get all warm & fuzzy. I don't date date date like I used to... hey who am I kidding I haven't had multiple dates in a matter of days in years! That got old QUICK, but even the chase, pursuit, catch and release has lost its luster for me. I am less apt to give out my number, or share more than a passing "hello" these days. I am happy with it just being me and patient, observant and in-tune enough to know when to give the green light. I have learned not to second guess my first instinct. Overall, this year, more than any year before, I can see growth in every area of my life.  For that I am TRULY thankful!

So, enough with the sippy sappy... I just had to get that out. Back to your regularly scheduled shenanigans!

GUEST BLOG: Lil Wayne's World- The Breakdown

I have an email crew (the EMC) and all day long we discuss the celeb romances, breakups, breakdowns, and so on. Well recently we were discussing Lil Wayne's "situation" and my sister, Erica, is a self-proclaimed Lil Wayne FANATIC so she decided to break it down for us. What she brought forth was riveting enough to be part of a VH1 documentary. (Please note I tried to edit out the strong language as to not offend anyone's sensibilities... if I missed a word, forgive me).

I'd Rather be Alone

Than be here unhappy...

Much against my better judgement I was listening to Michael Baisden and he was discussing being alone for the holidays. He made it seem like SUCH a bad thing or even a BIG DEAL. I was with someone last Christmas and it wasn't all'at. Despite the Christmas cheer & all that. It just wasn't what I needed it to be. I mean bless his heart, I am sure he tried... ok, maybe not. But, the point is, I wasn't diggin it. and if I had to choose between a replay of last holiday season & THIS holiday season, unattached... I'd prefer this holiday.

What I am not going to do is bash him but, all I'm saying is why is there SUCH a big deal made about being alone on the holidays? Sure I only have that ONE recent holiday relationship upon which I am basing my opinion, but the fact remains I am happy with the way things are. I'm not gonna cry under the mistltoe, or sob deeply while decorating my Christmas tree. It's not that serious to me.

For those that it IS that serious for, think about this: your last relationship, how did it end? Don't just think about the good times, think about the WHOLE thing; how things really were. Really focus on the entire time around the holidays, not just Christmas Eve, by the fire, playin Boyz II Men. And ask yourself do I miss EVERYTHING? or just that? If you have never been in a relationship around the holidays, then you aren't even missing anything but what you never had.

One holiday doesn't make me the Subject Matter Expert, but it's common sense to see that what you have before you is possibility and opportunity. Not loneliness & tears. Ther eis a reason things didn't work out with you and whomever and the sooner you are okay with that; the sooner you can begin to ENJOY your holidays!

When Somebody Loves You Back

A friend sent out an email today to all her single (read unmarried) friends. She was posed 3 questions by a male friend & asked us to answer them... Below are my answers. I didn't think about them for a while & then respond, I responded off the top of my head. Check it out...
_____________________________________________

How do I want to be loved?-
Unconditional love is a term that people made up in an effort to not have to feel guilty or apologize when they do something dumb. Sure we are all flawed, but no one is gonna stick around while you make out with your exboyfriend over and over or spend 4 nights a week in the strip club. NOw, with that said, I want to be loved by feeling taken care of. I have been taking care of myself for so long, I want to know how it feels to know that there is a MAN out there that is making sure I am taken care of. I am not saying he has to smother me or pay all the bills while I spend money on shoes & handbags. I mena in a more practical sense. If something is broken and I can't fix it, I want a man that can or knows who to call to fix it and takes care of it without me having to give it another though. My man needs to understand that love is in the details. Love is in the sum of all parts... sure you call me everyday, but what are you saying? Sure you bought me a gift, but did I have to tell you what I wanted or did you pay attention during our conversations and figure it out? I want to be loved like the SAT... don't GUESS... know that you know. If you don't know, STUDY! The more you guess and get it wrong, the lower your final score will be. But don't just ignore the parts you don't know... LEARN THEM. Love is hard work & I need the man that loves me to know that.

If a man wants to marry me, what do I expect him to do to get the two of us there?
 I need a plan of action, with more action than plan left. I need to know that WE won't have any pre-existing conditions with no progress being made to correct them. People are flawed, but for me that is not an excuse to be lazy, complacent, etc... I understand that there are women out there ready to get married & will say "YES" before the question is even finished. But the man that wants to marry me needs to know that I am not that woman. So the concept of wanting to marry me isn't enough. One thing I have learned is that men will SAY a whole lot, but until they start to do more, it is just words.

What do I know he would need to do for me to be happy?
 I need him do be reliable AND dependable. He would need to listen actively and most importantly understand my sense of humor. He would need to know how to lead and know when to allow me to lead and know when we need to walk side by side. My head hurts & my fingers ache so I will stop right there...

When Love Calls...

You better answer...

 Cause it might be a big mistake

If you decide to hesitate... -Atlantic Starr

For so many of my female friends, in this metropolis, love is a foreign concept. Partially because we are jaded and partially (read mostly) because what we have encountered in this area has fallen exceedingly short of what we would hope love would be. Believing the confessions of love when we knew better because true love escaped us for so long. Hemidemisemilove felt better than no love at all. Knowing that it wasn't 100, we journeyed forth in hopes that eventually he would mean it & show it & know it. We wait for his words to become real feelings which would become real action which would become real love. But in reality, we were waiting for the other shoe to drop and the semblance of something to turn to nothing.

So what happens one day when REAL Love calls and you don't even recognize the voice? Just out of the blue, in the middle of your crazy situation, love calls and it's requesting your attention. Do you answer or do you send it to voicemail? Do you put it on mega-hold while you bring your conversation with Hemidemisemilove to a close?

When Love calls is it an emergency? Can you call Love RIGHT back? Do you question Love's timing? If Love were to call you collect right now, how ready would you be to accept the charges?

If love were calling right now would you/could you answer? I surely can't answer it FOR you because honestly, I don't even know if I can answer the phone for myself...

The More Things Change

The more they... well, change. I went to my alma mater's homecoming this weekend and had an AMAZING TIME. While so many things were the same ole, same ole... alot of things had changed, DRASTICALLY!
In just one year, two of the most infamous dorms on campus had been torn down: the athletes' dorm & the boys' dorm. The cafeteria had been expanded and sexified! The tailgates had been moved AWAY from the stadium... BOOOO! The venue for the Alumni Cabaret had also been changed.

As i was there celebrating my school's centennial and my line's 10th anniversary, I thoroughly enjoyed myself, but at the same time, I realized that things were VERY DIFFERENT. Due to the dorms being torn down, the tailgates weren't close to the game & I therefore missed seeing ALOT of folks. Due to the Alumni Cabaret venue being changed, the space was MUCH larger and more difficult to navigate & I therefore missed seeing ALOT of people.

Of the people I DID see, things had chnaged with them as well.

• There was my girl that had moved into her HOUSE & was introducing me to her boyfriend for the first time, both things we had already discussed and we both knew were a long time coming. 
• There was the man that had offered to take care of me when I was unemployed & uncertain of my next move a few years ago. Who now has a girlfriend & a child. He was talking to me about how that would have been me & I was assuring him that I would NOT have been having his child... But he continued to talk about how he was all set to take care of "his baby", in this instance meaning ME. While THEN that would have been a good idea, I can't imagine being a kept woman NOW...
• There was the man that I took to be a complete fool in undergrad that is now a professor, and subsequently trying to hang out with me when he's in town (well that part hasn't changed AT ALL!)...
• And then there was the confession from one of my oldest male friends... It was a very mind-boggling experience, and one that I am still wrapping my mind around. I was going to discuss it here, but even I keep SOME things private... HA!

Overall, the weekend was eye-opening to see how some people and places and situations had evolved so much. And fascinating to see how some people and places and situations had barely made lateral moves. (I wonder if they ever told that girl that the bill collector was looking for her. *shrug*) It has given me lots to think about here at home. I have some decisions to make on how & what I need to change because change is necessary for growth, CLEARLY. There are situations that are calling out for change in my life & changes I need to make to the places I go, and people just BEGGING to have their statuses changed. What is it you need to change to facilitate growth in YOUR life?

Who Can I Run To?

This is yet ANOTHER blog about friendship. *sigh*

I, in NO WAY purport to being an expert on the subject, but over the years I have learned what a friend is and is not through my mistakes and through others' actions. So today when I came across an ongoing situation between a friend and one of her old friends I began to notice some people don't know who their REAL friends are.

I am not going to go into detail about the situation, but this old friend, we'll call Olivia to avoid confusion, has recently told my friend to burn the road up because she doesn't need her. Olivia has decided that her internet friends are her real friends because they encourage her shenanigans, put up with her foolishness (for their own entertainment), and tell her "yes" when they should say "AW HELLLLLLL NAW!" (sorry for the "bad" words, but seriously here...)

Social Networking sites have given the mentally unstable, lonely, bored, lost and turnT out- much like Olivia- low-self esteemers a place to run wild & free and congregate with others just like them or worse! Instead of it being a place to keep in touch with folks, it has made many people lose touch with reality.

So many people say the internet isn't real life... and to a certain degree I concur. But at the same time these are REAL people with whom we are dealing. When I start taking people or things TOO seriously, it's time to let it go. Nothing on the internet should be THAT serious. If it isn't worth handling in person, then it's not worth getting upset about over the net. But there are Olivias out there that use Twitter, MySpace, Facebook, etc. for validation and comfirmation.

The first place I go when I have a real life issue is to the Lord, then inside, then my friends and family. The first place OLIVIA goes is to Facebook. There is a diconnect here! is NOTHING private, sacred, or just too embarassing for you to discuss in the wide open like that? Not family, not children, not sex, not alcohol.... EVERYTHING is for public dissection and consumption. Eventually the lines begin to blur between right & wrong, good & bad, friends & foes, reality & fantasy. Eventually you begin to craft your own reality from your internet life and that NEW reality becomes all that matters.

What Olivia fails to realize is that when it ALL really falls down. My friend cannot and will not be there to help her put it back together like she has done before. This internet family that she has built up like a fortress to protect her from the miserable existance that is her true reality likely won't be there when she REALLY needs something. She is relying heavily on them to fill the empty space within her and THEY are relying heavily on her for entertainment. But she can't see it because, for now the attention is all she wants and craves. Reality has become too much for her and has since been replaced by internet life. As she stands there contemplating on the RIGHT thing to decide... her internet friends are leading her in the WRONG direction and her real friends are being kicked to the curb or in SOME cases abandoning a sinking ship!

So what is the moral of this "story"? The internet is a place where REAL people congregate, but it is NOT your REALITY. REAL friends aren't only there when you want to go out & have fun... or when you turn on your computer. They're there when you have no place else to go, no money to spend and nothing to celebrate. REAL friends don't agree with all of your ideas and co-sign & "like" every update. They tell you when you're wrong, advise you to make better decisions, tell you what you don't want to hear and ask you to have a seat when you're doing too much. REAL friends don't air their issues with you on social networking sites. They pull you to the side, call you on the phone, and sometimes they even let you make your own mistakes & look silly all by yourself. REAL friends help you fill that empty space PROPERLY.

I just hope that the next time Olivia needs someone to run to, she has at least one REAL friend left.

I Just Don't Wanna Be Lonely

Merriam-Webster defines lonely as follows:
Function: adjective
1 a : being without company : lone b : cut off from others : solitary

2 : not frequented by human beings : desolate

3 : sad from being alone : lonesome

4 : producing a feeling of bleakness or desolation

Loneliness is a scary feeling and I have wrestled with it time and again. Loneliness may have won the battle, but it never won the war. I have always gotten ME back. I am thankful to be able to be honest with MYSELF before all else.
But, what about those who can't or won't? Those that cannot look in the mirror and say: "I feel cut off from others. I am sad from being alone. I feel bleak and desolate." What becomes of the lonelyhearted? Simple answer, they remain lonely. No matter how much they wrap themselves in things or people or activites, inside they are still quite sad. I'm all for smiling when your heart is aching, but at some point you need to address the heartache. The answer won't be easy as nothing simple ever is. But introspection and true understanding of who you are and what makes you tick are the only way to solve the internal issue of loneliness.
Here's a hint though, another person is not the answer. Surrounding yourself with new friends, old friends, a new man or woman, an old flame will not take that loneliness away. You can convince yourself of this and sooner than later you will be surrounded by people and still lonely. Loneliness does not equal alone. You can be alone and have the time of your life, but you can also be surrounded by people and feel like the loneliest person on the planet.
Combating loneliness takes inner-strength.You have to be able to stand on your own two feet to fight it. And from what I have seen, some people just cannot. Because they refuse to believe they can or choose not to do so. It really hurts me to see it.
Millions of people have overcome circumstances, much worse and done much better! Why do you think you can't? Because you don't want to.  Too many times people try to play loneliness off as boredom, but in reality, when you do things to subside the boredom, you still feel sad deep down inside. Because you weren't really bored, you were lonely.
Loneliness can lead to poor decisions and acts of desperation that end up being detrimental in the end. To try and smother that lonely feeling you often scramble to "fix" a problem that only ends up agitating it more. The lesson in loneliness is learning to hear God's voice. The lesson in loneliness is understanding you and realizing that only you have what it takes to conquer this demon. The lesson in loneliness is honesty and self-confrontation. If you find yourself rely solely on other people to help you out of your loneliness, you have not learned your lesson and will only make yourself more lonely in the process. You and you alone are all you need to conquer loneliness. Not that you cannot or should not reach out to others, but you have to chose the RIGHT people to help you out. Honest people, trustworthy people, people with your best interest at heart... these are the people to reach out to for help. But you must be prepared within yourself to handle what it takes to overcome.
It seems some people just don't have it in them to stand before loneliness and win. Those are the people that will remain lonely because, no matter what, they will forever do and say things, put themselves in situations, and so on and so on... with just ONE outcome: loneliness.

If you don't want to be lonely, you must first be strong.

It's Not Me, It's You... SERIOUSLY!

Everyone knows the old breakup line.... "It's not you, it's me." THat is all well & good when you want to let someone down easy. But there are some people that need to know that it is INDEED them and not just when you are breaking up with someone; I mean in everyday life.

For example, this morning I was at the snack bar upstairs in my office building and there was a guy with some dumb accent rapping up the chick at the register. He was slowing her down and being  an overall distraction. "You have an attitude..." he says. "NO I don't have an attitude!" she says as she rolls her eyes in her head without ever making eye contact with him.

Now if for some reason, you are thinking this girl sounds like she has an attitude... then you are annoying, CONGRATULATIONS! lol

Folks need to realize it's not OTHER people's attitudes... it's YOUR annoying ways. The guy talked to her through about 6 customers. She looked at me & cut her eyes like: "THIS guy!" and he was steady yammering. Her body language, lack of eye contact, terse responses, and monotone voice was no indication to him that she didn't want to be bothered. Instead, to him, it was indicative that she had an attitude. I was frustrated FOR her. I know she totally felt like Monie in the middle and didn't want to "prove his theory" of her having an attitude by telling him how she really felt. *sigh* Why can't it be that she is just not interested in holding a conversation and that just be okay? Why is it such a personal affront when a person just doesn't want to talk to you? Some people don't WANT to be friendly & guess what, that's okay... SERIOUSLY it is. So the next time you think someone has an attitude, maybe it's JUST YOU!

I REFUSE!

I will not be addressing the foolishness pulled at the VMAs last night... SORRY!

Why Are You Hollerin'?

Due to a poorly scheduled meeting, I missed President Obama's live speech last night, but I did happen to catch the highlights and that CLASSIC picture of Obama, Biden & Pelosi when their heads and eyes SHOT to the left (our right). Twitter was a-twitter with requests to flood Joe Wilson's phone lines, email and webpages. How ironic that his name is ACTUALLY Joe after the Republican's references to other ignoramuses named Joe; namely Joe Six-Pack and Joe the Plumber. But I just have one question for Joe Wilson: "Why are you HOLLERIN'?"

It made me think about those people that yell out at healthcare town hall with crazy, nonsensical, tourette's syndrome-like randomness. A friend told me about a town hall meeting her colleague attended. There was a man there that kept yelling out "DEREGULATE"! But when he was asked: "Deregulate what?", he just yelled it out again. Then there was the lady that actually stood up and yelled: "These people opt-out of health insurance and spend their money on flat screen tvs and tennis shoes." To which Mr. Deregulate chimes in: "AND MALT LIQUOR!" *falling out laughing* Sorry but that is funny, because it goes to show that those town hall hollerers are just.... blind with rage over IMAGINARY people. Who are these healthcare opt-outters that spend their healthcare money on malt liquor, shoes and televisions? I don't know these people and I assure you they don't either. HA! But you know who they THOUGHT they were referring to, riiiight?

But I digress... It has been said  that there is a time and place for everything but hollering is almost always WRONG! If you are having an intelligent debate with someone and that person started HOLLERIN, that person usually doesn't have anything else to say and begins HOLLERIN as a last resort. If you are in an argument with someone and that person starts HOLLERIN it's usually because that person is lying. So WHY in a situation where someone is trying to impart information to you in a LARGE group would you just start HOLLERIN? Why are you SO emotional at an INFORMATIONAL SESSION where decorum and respect are expected and observed that you just start HOLLERIN.

I am going to ruffle some feathers, but I know what it is. YOU MAAAAAAAGD! You are EMOTIONAL about the results of the election. And your "good face" cracked and the real you shone through at the MOST inopportune time. What a pity!

But Mister Wilson, why weren't you hollerin at W when he was lying about those WMD? Why weren't you MAAAAAAGD about him sending our children off to die? Why weren't you emotional that suddenly we weren't looking for Osama Bin Laden anymore? Oh no, you decide to holler about the less fortunate receiving healthcare! You decide to get MAAAAAAGD about helping someone that isn't part of your circle get the help they need! You decide to get emotional because you just don't WANT to work with the person in the place of authority! Instead you want your bill to just be accepted without incorporating any other ideas. But guess what, if your way had worked before, Mister Wilson, you would be in the majority or at least have some significant showing in Congress and you wouldn't have to resort to foolish frat boy tactics to get your way. This is reminscent of Revenge of the Nerds; the Tri-Lambs have finally won because people were tired of living under Alpha Beta's reign of terror and fear. HA!

There is a way to handle differences, but hollerin only makes people not listen or take you seriously. So congrats Mister Wilson, you have managed to earn a CRAZY amount of money for your opponent in South Carolina (and let's not even go into THAT states' history). You can apologize and give all the explanations you want, but the point is, healthcare had nothing to do with your outburst, sir, and we all know it. Be honest with yourself, is all I ask, because WE know...

P.S. why did the Republican party have to tell you that they wanted you to contact the White House & state that your statements were inappropriate? Why didn't you just KNOW better? huh? HUH?

Let's Just Agree to MOVE ON!

OK folks, it's moving day!

The "buzz" of the morning is the Chris Brown interview on Larry King last night. Guess what? I didn't watch it. I saw that twitter was a-twitter about it from comments on his clothing, his demeanor, his grammar... And I'm wondering why do you care?

There were tweets about statistics, with NO statistics... and people so passionate it seemed they were crying at their keyboards. Now, I know that when the incident FIRST happened, my girls and I got into a HEATED discussion. But, that seems LIGHT YEARS away.

I hear he had on a FOOLISH outfit and I was considering tuning in for that ONLY. But other than that, I didn't care and that doesn't make me a bad person. I have REAL things to worry about, things that affect me DIRECTLY like who got eliminated fro Top Chef last night... HA! (I kiiiid, I kiiiid!)

But seriously folks, whether you think CB was right or wrong... whether you think RhiRhi was a victim or an agitator... The justice system has spoken! So unless CB is asking you to help him appeal or something... let's just move on...

There's Healthcare reform, bad azz children on the metro... SOMETHING... I am not even requesting to agree to disagree, I am requesting we all move on... onward & upward, people! C'mon!

Skinny Jeans WIth Dresses.... on BOYS?

So a friend of mine has pointed out the latest trend on these DC streets. Islamic style attire... WHY?

I did notice the other day a young man in a long black thobe and a taqiyah- in essence a long black dress and a muslim style beanie- with just a HINT of skinny jean peeking out. I was impressed by this young man's religious convictions that enabled him to walk through a otriously unsafe neighborhood in such garb. Until I began seeing more and more young men dressed this way. Now, three wordds come to mind: WHAT THE HE**?

Why is this the new fad? Why is this the new white tee and jeans? Why are the little boys in DC such followers? Why can't these kids come up with a new fad that is actually ATTRACTIVE? (Gray sweatpants and New Balance will forever by in my heart!) *looks off into distance thinking of HIM in gray sweatpants*

Aaaaaaaand I'm back...

Why on earth would a man want to put on slim fit jeans and a dress? in the summer? in DC?

Which leads to the next question: Is it disrespect to do so? these garments aren't fashion to those of the faith, they are direct reflections of the wearers religious commitment. By these non-adherents rocking it in the streets, is that minimalizing the sacred nature of the garments and their meanings... Which, byt the way, I don't know the history of, I'm just wondering wassupwitdat...

Me? Man Bash? Nooooo!

So last week a dude I know accused me of being a man-basher. I thought about it and I must say I am not for two reasons:

1. I don't put ALL men in ONE category. Most of my blogs have been about specific men and have been written in moreso a HELPFUL light than a "He ain't sh*t" light. If you read deeper into what I am saying it applies to men and women alike. Even as I am writing my blogs and giving out unsolicited advice, I often take alittle piece with me. I don't apologize to anyone who is offended by the things I say here because my intention is to spread the common sense and help cut out the foolishness. If you are upset by THAT then mayhaps you are PART of the foolishness, yes? Hmmmmm, thinkaboutit...
2. I meet my share of "good" guys too. I likes me a nice guy. I just don't blog about them because i actually value my relating-ship (not to be confused with relationship or sexual relations) with them. I don't want to speak too much too soon, or put them on blast, or do anything to otherwise upset the balance of what we got working. And I don't want anyone tryna get at what I got... (just kidding, not really)

So with that said, I will continue to post my not-so-positive interactions with men I know as a tale of precaution and a helpful allegory... lol. 

And again I say, if you find my re-telling of foolishness past to be man-bashing... then maybe you need some introspection. Often times we dislike those things in other people that we do not or cannot see in ourselves.

Don't Save Her

... she don't wanna be saved!- Project Pat

Such a profound statement! Excuse me if I have gone through this before, but I have recently heard that one of my male acquaintances is still out in these streets trying to "save his ex"-a direct quote. (My source on this is an unrelated entity who is friends with his new flavor of the month.) Wow, dude, really?

The last three conversations, I have had with him have somehow been about HER- the ex. And inevitably, I end up saying... "Well, I would never do that." Which consequently gets me into my: "I obviously don't have enough drama to get/keep a man" speil which is more schtick than actual fact. Which then leads him to the question, "Why are you so focused on a relationship." Which then convinces ME that HE is crazy because HE was the one talking about his ex... not I!

He's mad at her for now hanging out with the dudes he introduced her to at the places he used to take her. AAAAAND... he suspects that she has known one or two of them biblically. Wow, dude, really? Why do you care? You are so extra busy worrying about her, that you are letting GOOD women pass you right on by. So busy trying to show the ex that you are having fun without her that you aren't even having fun.

I have wondered why he cared, but I knew if I asked I would not get an answer, but the fact of the matter is he is still in love with her. And they say women have baggage? This dude is draaaaaaggin this girl around with him from place to place and experience to experience for what purpose. I don't know or understand, but I find it really quite disturbing that someone who seemed so self-assured and fascinating, initially, is not what he appeared to be at all. I don't think he realizes just how deeply affected he is and how much it SHOWS.

Drop the baggage, baby, and take off the cape, sweetheart. Maybe try some yoga or some therapy, because you are letting her WEAR YOU DOWN and she is loving every second of it. She's winning and you have lost it. At first, I was trying to save you, but I know better. But I do want you to save yourself. Ok? Ok!

What Ever Happened to "Hello"?

I just got back from an AWESOME fro yo pilgrimage to the Mecca de FroYo, TangySweet. As I journeyed forth, there was a young man leaving the courthouse in full Sobiato, or Squares, or Shooters or some other such DC-style apparel company complete with a headband... (BOOOOOOOOO!). He saw my co-worker and I walking toward them and he stops as we walk by & commences to" "Hey Booboo. Damn, girl... hey booboo, booboo!"To which I reply, without turning around, "Oh no, uh uh, that is NOT okay!"My co-worker got upset and asked me why I didn't just ignore him and I said because he needs to know that that is NOT ok!
Which got me to wondering... whatever happened to "Hello"?
I am cute on my good days... and I have my BEST days when I am smokinazzhawt, but for the MOST part, I think I look like a 19-year old who doesn't want to be bothered. But for SOME reason, men in this area looove to try out the law of averages, I think. Because there is NO other way to explain some of the things I have heard and encountered. And by things I have encountered I mean the creatures that look like they slithered out of the sewer just to "holla" at some chicks. But how else do you explain me in a dress and heels and a workbag and you in a raggeLy wife beater with your nipple hanging out of the side, and olllllllld ratty balling shorts and turnT over shoes. And before anyone says anything about giving him a chance, LET IT GO! I am so over fixer uppers, because even when you're done fixing them up, they are still broken down. HA! But that is not even the point here... The point is, just say "Hello." that is it, that is all... no more of this, PLEASE:

• "Why you lookin so mean?"
• "Where your husband at?"
• "Can I walk witchu?"
• "That ice cream must be goooood." (I was actually eating froyo at the time)

Whatever happened to regular old conversation after intentional eye contact? Now it's like you can't look up anymore or someone is going to swoop in and put the full court press on you. I guess that hounding has to work or they wouldn't do it, but it makes it bad for those women that don't give into it. Which makes it bad for the men who just WANT to say "Hello" because now we don't want to acknowledge you and end up in a no-win conversation.

The other night while out at a bar, a young man with tattoos on his hand started talking to me. I engaged him in conversation because there is no reason to be uncordial (is that a word?) at a bar. So as he is talking to me and I am barely making eye contact or convo with him, I begin checking my Twitter (www.twitter.com/Bri_Cooley) and FB.

That is when it began.

Hand Tatts:"I'm just tryna get in the phone..."

Me: *smile and quickly put the phone down*

Hand tatts: *continues to talk, I get a text* "I'm sayin, you gonna put my number in ya phone?"

Me: *laughs a little uncomfortably and puts my phone down*

Hand Tatts: "I left the house and came down here for nothing?"

Me: *with the say whaaat face* "You didn't even know I was going to be here, you don't even KNOW me."

Hand Tatts: "But you're here now, so I'm just tryna get in the phone."

Where at do they do ANY of that? Was he wanting to get in the phone in hopes that one lonely lonely desperate night I would be scrolling through my phone and call him out of boredom/desperation? Really? REALLY! is that the BEST you can do? How am I supposed to feel about that? But this is the mess I am talking about. Say "Hello", pay attention to the context clues and body language before trying to steamroll your way into my life/phone. If I were interested you would know... plain and simple.

ACK!

Poetic Potential

I wrote this high off my frozen yogurt buzzzzzzzzzz:

Potentiality

This has potential
To be as wrong
As it feels right.
I'm hanging on
Because you are
And that
Gives me faith.
I have got
To stop my words
From getting in the way.
I have got to enjoy
The right now
Right now
Whether it ends right now
Or continues... I must
Enjoy it all and
Soak it up, Take it in
Write it down, remember it
Cherish it for all of its
Potential amazingness
All of its potential disastrousness
All of its potentially infinite endings.
This may be the beginning to something...
Not sure what, or why,
or how
But that is perfectly o.k.
I have to keep remembering that
It's perfectly O.K.
Not to know the when and
Where of it all
As long as I enjoy
it all
Smile about it all
Be thankful for it all
Cherish it all
For all it is,
All it is not,
All it could be
All it may never be
All it has to offer
In
Between

Blog Blurb: What's that smell?

So the other day my E-crew was discussing Oprah digging Jay-Z's scent, among other things, and the question was posed: what do you think certain celebs smell like. I took a few moments from my killer finals and came up witht his VERY random list... ENJOY... or don't!

1. I think Denzel smells like rich cedar & sexy...
2. I KNOW Brad Pitt STINKS to high heaven!
3. Black Thought of The Roots & Dwele smell like sexy sultry body oils... only Dwele kinda smells like weed breath too
4. Lil John DEFINITELY smells like weed and hennesy & his mustache smells like last night's chick...
5. Puffy smells like potpurri satchels & scented hangers cuz he is STUCK IN THE CLOSET!
6. Jamie Foxx smells like cigarette smoke, and Jean Paul Gaultier
7. Leonardo DiCaprio smells like pipe tobbaco & bologna...
8. Reggie Bush... FINALLY smells like chocolate again! (then I found out he is likely back with Kim Kardashian, so he is back to smelling like a sour wash rag!!!)

Digging the skin you're in...

I love me! I think I am so cute & sexy! I will pantie prance in the mirror to song after song, HOWEVER... part of loving me & understanding how I am fearfully & wonderfully made is wearing what looks GOOD on me & accentuates the positive while not drawing too much attention to the negative. A few weekends ago (I know I am late, but life has tried to kick me in the teeth recently), I saw that this is a lesson many women in this area haven't learned. I was at the Summer Spirit concert with Erykah Badu & Raphael Saadiq & Chuck Brown. AWESOME concert, not TOO much foolishness in my immediate vicinity, but when I ventured away from our little area of the lawn... I witnessed some fashion travesties!

1. IS THAT A ONESIE?? Lemme start by saying, there are a HANDFUL of women that can get away with a romper ANYWAY. And I have no problem with chicks who are thickerrah, but how you figure if you are 4 foot 11 & 200 lbs, you are going to wear an ashy black onesie with gold buttons up the back. A) where did you buy that? & B) who buttoned it for you? Because clearly they were NOT your friend. And then to throw on the fanny pack which I am SO sure was "designer" and BOOTS... BOOTS, baby? really? no.
2. PLEATHER WEATHER Ok, in the FALL at the CLUB, or a lounge... I could sorta accept a pleather minidress that zips up the front. But this is AUGUST and we are outside. I know your whole everything was sweaty & sticky all up and THROUGH that thing. P.U. Booboo!
3. DON'T SWEAT THE TECHNIQUE So you wanted to be chill AND show ya lil midriff... ok, ok... But why are you wearing a half sweater? and why did you then decide to couple it with a yellow skirt made out of sweatpants material... and why was the top oinch & the bottom yerlo? why, hunny? huh? I just want to understand...

This is just three of the various and a-sundry travesties I had the mispleasure of observing. But what struck me the MOST was how many people were out there to see and be seen. Those tickets were NOT cheap! And I witnessed sooo many women AND men parading back and forth looking at whoever was looking at them look at them look at each other. I saw Sunday's best on the men & stilettos on the women. We are OUTSIDE & you have LAWN seats... why are y'all soooo overdressed to unimpress? Makeup melting! Combovers shrivelling back!

I am all for flaunting what you got. But there is a time, place & level of taste that goes along with it. But hey, y'all keep doing y'all! Just know that I will not hesitate to comment... I mean that IS why you do this, right? So someone will acknowledge your existence, right? So hey, all I'm REALLY doing is fulfilling your wishes!

I'm just statin....

BTW, I was wearing a halter style feather print maxi dress & my faithful companion was wearing jean shorts & her newly purchased MJ Tank top... we came to chill, not ill!

Options

This is what I think about at 2:30 AM... I need to go to bed!

Options

Sure, I've got options

But I don't want options

I just want you

And I want you to want me

Too...

I don't want to have to keep up

Keep track, keep trying

With the same results

Nothing much

Nothing more...

I have choices

But I don't want to choose

I want to be chosen

Because, if you're being choosy

Then...

I want to be able to say

And mean

That the things I want

and need

and deserve

are one in the same

They all have the same name

You.

They Say Good Guys Finish Last...

But lately it seems good girls never even get to start!



I feel like the guy in those movies that is forever the "friend". Or the girl that New Edition was singing to in "Let's Be Friends"... 'cuz you don't want to hurt me & you don't want to let me down. ACK! I know how the movie guy feels. Hearing tales of their previous loves gone wrong & thinking to yourself: "I wouldn't do that to you..." But unlike Movie guy, I don't actually play myself & SAY it... well not EVERY time. But over the past FEW years, I have been subjected to this on more than twice. It's the freakin PITS!


In my early to mid 20s, I WAS the bad guy. BOY WAS I EVER! Is this now karma? Or is this just a classic case of... wait... a classic case of WHAT? Who KNOWS... but I am so over it... SO over it that I was considering being a bad guy again. But that was SO unfulfilling. Maybe I'll wait it out. I mean, what other option do I have? A nunnery? lol

Good always defeats evil EVENTUALLY, right?


*drums fingers on desk*

I'm baaaaaack!

I have totally give up the ghost on my Today.com blog... it just wasn't given me what I needed... so yeah... here am I!